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How Much More?

Posted by Kopite Girl , 23 November 2009 · 95 views

I just thought I'd do a random entry really. Tell you guys whats going on in the land of the Clark.

I guess things are not really brilliant at the moment. Yet again, I'm left with a broken heart. I found out yesterday my (now ex) bloke had cheated and without going into too much detail, I'm single. Which isn't a bad thing. I just thought the man I wanted to marry felt the same, but obviously not.  

I know there's plenty more fish in the sea. I'm not swearing off men. I don't hate them as most of you (like us girls) are a good bunch. I know I should take time out and try to enjoy my life.

How can I heal? Which brings me to the next point. Most guys when cheated on, go and get laid as many times as possible. What does a girl do? Sit in her room sobbing? Thats not me. I've done my tears. He's not worth any more.

I don't want to be labelled as promiscuous or a slut, so I'm not going for the boy option either. Besides, I've never had a one-night stand in my life. Yeah, I'll be honest, I want fun, just not a relationship. Is that a possibility? Do things like that really happen? I don't know.

Maybe you boys could give your views. And ladies. How would you deal?

And no. I didn't hit him, chop his balls off, smash his car up or cut up his clothes. I've more self-respect than that. I don't want to be like that. I believe if you truly want revenge its best served cold. But I'm not seeking revenge. Wasted enough time and energy on him. I'm seeking me instead this time.

I know I've a couple of really good mates on here I'd like to say thanks to. You know who you are.

As for me. I'm pretty resilient. Resourceful when I need be. I'm sure I'll be fine in time.

Tell me about your heartbreak. How did you get through it?

Edit: after being my best friend's best man, its reinforced my belief in love a little. Here's a silly pic of me busting a move on the dancefloor. I had to take the giant red sash I was wearing off as It got caught in a door twice...

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Autumnpuma
Nov 23 2009 11:36 PM
In the past, I've tried drinking the emotions away but that never works. There's just no getting around the fact that you'll feel miserable for a few days.

I always embrace misery and allow myself to spend a few days doing everything from feeling angry to nostalgic to sad to worthless. Get it out of my system. Then I buck-up and carry on.

The next few months I spend some time with myself before I jump back into a relationship (even a one-night-stand).
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dribbler
Nov 24 2009 07:28 PM
Fairy tale start, terrible end. What a c*ck. He's not a real man.
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Autumnpuma
Nov 24 2009 09:09 PM
Agreed.
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freaky2
Nov 24 2009 10:30 PM
Mmmm, I'd sit in my room/go for a walk with music blasting, probably the music that most expresses my feelings at that moment... I find it really calms me to let them out in that way. And maybe look for a friend and be miserable for a while and let her comfort me, but not for too long, I hate looking weak.

More to the point, I'm sorry to hear this happened to you, but I'm sure you'll be fine and you'll find someone really special.
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Quiet One
Nov 25 2009 01:37 AM
Welcome to heartbreak hotel...
The good news is: nobody dies of a broken heart.
Bad news is: there's no way to avoid the stay at this hotel, if you really cared (and being here means you do).
Then again, it's just a hotel so the stay is always temporary.

As how to heal? Time. And never giving depression the pleasure of festering on your happiness. Fight the bitch, lock pain in some private room inside your brain and let it simmer there. You can peek every now and then and if still feel that the pain is alive and hungry, promptly shut the door and do something else until it starves to death.

And I find it funny that girls usually think thaht guys don't feel anything and that just by going to a strip bar we will be ok. My view is that women heal better than men. Women cry and suffer and want to kill themselves after a breakup. And suddenly find another guy and it's like the first time again. They are an empty canvas ready to be painted as if new.
We guys (I think) are never a white canvas again. We can find a new love and fool ourselves that the one before never happened. But deep in our hearts we love and always will love every girl we ever loved. I know I do.
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Kopite Girl
Nov 25 2009 05:13 PM
Andres. I never thought of it like that. You know, thats 100% truth. Which is why I think some women are insecure about their guys ex-girl. We know you'll always love them somehow unless they were real hateful bitches. Personally speaking I've never felt jealousy in that respect. She was part of your past and respectfully had an influence on your life.  

I'm trying to appreciate I'll need to give myself time. But there's a world out there thats not going to stop because my boyfriend betrayed me. I don't want to miss out on other experiences. Winning my health issue, I guess made me see you have to be in it to win it.

I'll say that I miss him. I miss his smile, his laugh. His stupidity. His kiss. But was he that way with her? I don't want to put myself through that. I'll end up bitter and angry. Not worth the hassle. I'll save my strength for pulling myself back on my feet and enjoying life. Chapter closed, sadly. He doesn't deserve me, I'll save what I have for a man that is worth it.

Sorry for going on, but thank you everyone. Love ya all x
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Grabthaw the Hammerslayer
Nov 26 2009 06:18 PM
Steph, my advice for what its worth... Breakups in my experience follow a similar path to any other form of grieving. The text-book signs are:

- Distress/depression
- Bargaining "maybe..., what if..."
- Denial - "I feel fine"
- Anger "why me? The b#####d..." (personally I always enjoyed this part lol)
- Acceptance "Its going to be OK, I've moved on..."

They don't always happen in that order and some are shorter than others. The fact is that they are all normal and part of a healthy approach to the process is to recognise it is happening (and crucially will change). And it can't be forced.

Alcohol does not really work, nor do other forms of compensation - blurs the edges which helps a bit. But the good news is it always gets better.

It helps to talk and have good friends. Makes the process easier. It is also important to reevaluate your own self-worth - easy to beat yourself up and come away feeling like crap. A healthy and objective, long look at yourself focusing on your good points (of which there are many) and more importantly to start believing in them helps you along this road.

Andres speaks very wisely too of the way men and women differ. Despite horrible times in one relationship, despite 20+ years passing and having the love of my life as my wife I still have feelings.... Women get it out of their system much better....

And on a final note. The guy must have been a complete knob to treat you like that! His (rather massive) loss :)
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dribbler
Nov 29 2009 08:01 AM
Fine words, Chris. Words that can only come from wisdom (See, I didn't mention old age).
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Argento Reloaded
Nov 29 2009 03:01 PM
I´m a little bit late to the news, but I like to add my little sand rock. Andres put in white and black you need time! But time by itself is not suffy preventing to make the same "mistakes" twice. Yes is awfull to speak about mistakes but I´m refering to those decisions taken with the best intentions but bad results, just for inexperience, being naive, etc. I´ve seen many friends making the same kind of mistakes -regarding love relationships- so many times...
My best advice is to take time and invest this time to heal your injuries and to grow yourself -and not hesitate on asking for some help, even profesional help. Remember fidelity is not a duty, but a free choice.
After all is done you will remember your ex with some simpathy because let you the opportunity to be happy with a new boyfriend/lover/husband.
I know it hurts and it hurts a lot, but as Andres said nobody died becauso of it, but some people were killed...
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medilloni
Dec 01 2009 10:23 AM
I'm late, sorry Steph, and sorry to hear your pain.

Andres said it all so damn well, there really is no difference between men and women, we're just people.

Take this time to be really, truly happy on your own.  you'll know when you're there because you'll have stopped asking yourself if you're happy, you just will be.  Once you get there, then the guy that really matters to you will happen along, and you'll be a much more beautiful person to him than the one you used to be.



And tell you how we got over it?  :lol:  I know I'll get the p**s taken for saying this, but I found my wife, who I went out with from when we were both 12 (yes, the girl next door), with another guy when I got home from a short but painful time in the army - I felt dafter than, well, a daft thing.  

Anyway, the thought of another woman, nah, didn't want to know, didn't hate them, but I felt nothing about being with someone, and if I was desperate there's always Master Bates.  Packed my stuff, went to live on a hot island and sell stuff for a living, ride for miles on days off (mountain, not motor bike), live on my own and do lots of thinking for the next 6-or-so-years. Came to one conclusion, there is nothing written that life is meant to be fair, we're just meant to be OK, good, spread the happiness, deal with anything that comes along, get on, look to the future.  

You look to your future young lovely-lady... and smile when you see it  :)
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Kati
Dec 01 2009 04:38 PM
ok, here's a small story for ya. someday u just fall in love for someone that seems so damn special, that even if u never ever considered the possibility of wanting to be with someone forever - or wanting to take a choice like that at this age - you just think you've found the right person. perfect, everything. you have to leave this person for a few months, after the best days of your life, and you swear to be back soon and never leave again. you have a ticket back, and you can't wait to be there again until you hear from him you better not go because he accidentaly fell in love for the daughter of his stepmother, who is in fact thirteen. you think - wtf? what do you hear from him, well you could have any guy you wanted out there, so much better than me, so you don't need me.
that's the thing, there are millions of people out there, and if someone left you, well, there IS someone better for you out there. he was right, i really CAN have anyone i wanted, what does not mean i will get everyone, but means i don't have to suffer for such silly thing.
no crying, stand up and walk ahead. they always come back after us in a few weeks time and that's when u laugh ;)
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maure
Dec 02 2009 12:00 PM
My timing sucks. I have just discovered that there are blogs too in TF1 and the first post I read is yours.

All I'll say is that there are many things in this world that are made to be given, never to be expected or demanded. Among them are honesty, love, trust, support, faithfulness, etc. You did nothing wrong. He did. He's the one who's got to feel bad not you.
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aussief1
Dec 08 2009 11:23 AM
Hey,

Like Maure, just remembered that the blogs are infact still apart of TF1!! Thank the off season I guess.

Firstly Steph I'm sorry to read the news. The guys and girls here really have offered up some great advice.Hearing from these people the world over who take the time to comfort a soul they have never met face to face really must mean alot and knowing you have support at times you need it the most.

Look on the bright side, I think its been mentioned that infact he has done you a massive favour, I know it won't feel like that now, however he has shown you his real colours now and not sometime in the future when things can be alot more painful than they are now.

Enjoy some Steph time, and before you know it things will happen and this will all be a distant memory. Whats wrong with these guys huh, a girl who loves F1 would be like winning the lotto to most guys (okay well most guys here anyway). Chin up walk tall, tomorrow is a new day what it holds for us no one knows.

Take care,

Nathan
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Kopite Girl
Dec 17 2009 04:52 AM
Thank you everyone.

I learned tonight just how much of a **** i had an escape from.

Your support and views mean the world to me. Love you all xxx
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