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Gaia Dearest
Posted by
Autumnpuma
,
28 January 2010
·
29 views
Well, the shouts now resounding through the hallowed halls of TF1 herald yet another debate about Global Warming. One side maintains that we can figure out weather patterns of a planet that's a few billions of years old with 200 years worth of data and the other side is reducing the opposition to a religious cult. I think you all are missing a critical piece of information.
Mother Earth hates us.
I think She liked the dinosaurs better than us little monkeys; she kept the climate stable for those big, dumb turkeys for millions of years. She nurtured them and protected them until a meteor smashed into Her and ruined Her favorite lifeform. Think about it: at every turn Gaia has tried to destroy us. Floods, earthquakes, landslides, tornadoes, sandstorms....you name it, and humans have died from it. We settle a nice bit of area and She turns it into a desert. We build a nice warm house on a hill and She sends torrential rain to send that house down into the valley. Is this the behaviour of a loving Mother? I think not.
She hates trees too.
It's probably because trees really like us. They take in our poisons and give us clean air to breathe. They drop tasty fruit for us to eat and sacrifice themselves for our houses, pencils and nickels. Lets face it, trees are our greatest ally. Now Gaia knows this and sends lightning down to destroy the trees. Clever trees, however, just turn their own ashes into fertile ground to grow more trees. This, I think, really p!sses Mother Earth off. Her own skin used against her will.
So stop all your concerns for saving the planet. Quit debating the whole thing and go change your car's oil. That oil is made from Gaia's beloved dinosaurs and I say take that used oil and go dump it somewhere. Let it soak into the soil and give Gaia Dearest the middle finger and shout 'THAT'S FOR THE ICE AGE, B!TCH!".
Carry on.
Mother Earth hates us.
I think She liked the dinosaurs better than us little monkeys; she kept the climate stable for those big, dumb turkeys for millions of years. She nurtured them and protected them until a meteor smashed into Her and ruined Her favorite lifeform. Think about it: at every turn Gaia has tried to destroy us. Floods, earthquakes, landslides, tornadoes, sandstorms....you name it, and humans have died from it. We settle a nice bit of area and She turns it into a desert. We build a nice warm house on a hill and She sends torrential rain to send that house down into the valley. Is this the behaviour of a loving Mother? I think not.
She hates trees too.
It's probably because trees really like us. They take in our poisons and give us clean air to breathe. They drop tasty fruit for us to eat and sacrifice themselves for our houses, pencils and nickels. Lets face it, trees are our greatest ally. Now Gaia knows this and sends lightning down to destroy the trees. Clever trees, however, just turn their own ashes into fertile ground to grow more trees. This, I think, really p!sses Mother Earth off. Her own skin used against her will.
So stop all your concerns for saving the planet. Quit debating the whole thing and go change your car's oil. That oil is made from Gaia's beloved dinosaurs and I say take that used oil and go dump it somewhere. Let it soak into the soil and give Gaia Dearest the middle finger and shout 'THAT'S FOR THE ICE AGE, B!TCH!".
Carry on.
Mike, that was the most brilliant piece of writing I have ever read. It cured my cancer and made my mom's arm grow back. It healed the cut on my big toe and fixed that knocking sound under the hood. Thank you, I love you and want to have your children. You rock. Have a good summer and stay cool.