What I Really Think About University Part 2

Sounds to me, Jim, is that you are an introvert.  Which is not a bad thing, just that it doesn't mix well with the so called social-generation.

But there is little social to a generation of twit-followers.  They're a bunch of twits, and have no impeteus of their own and are therefore followers and not leaders.  Sheep.

I'm glad that when I was your age that the only communication tool was a landline phone, a handwritten letter, or heaven forbid, knocking on their door and spending some time with the other person.

These days with all the YouTwitFace "social" networking sites there is a plethora of information, but a huge dumbing down of content.  I steadfastily believe that today's 20-somethings have the lowest IQ's in all of history, caused by dumb-overload from Shirly and her latest twit-pic of her ingrown toe nail.

I mean, really?  Someone would honestly give a flying that Shirly has an ingrown toe nail? Get the f-real.  Would Shirly stick her toe in your face at the dinner table? Hell, no.  Would she do it from the anonymity of a twitter account? Hell, yes....but why, oh why?  Just because it is digital doesn't mean anyone is going to care any more for it.

And so it seems that your use of said medium has come to bite you in the behind.  Though not really your own fault, you can not escape that it was your own actions that set off the said bite to the rump.  If it's something you want kept private, how in Hades name did you think that would be achieved by twitting about it?

Don't be a twit.  Damn answer is in the name....

As for the other described ailments above, just let it go.  If they don't know that Maggie Thatcher is the leader of the opposition, then tough titties to them.  It's not your problem.

If you're getting on better with the professors, then that just shows a maturity in you that the others don't match, hence you not relating to them.  Classic sign of being an introvert - more into whats important in life than who Dave slept with last Tuesday night, or if Sally really is a screamer.  Who gives a flying?

Have your holiday and come back refreshed.  And if all the blocking and unfriending means you turn up to uni and only two people talk to you, well, that just means you have two true friends,  43576 "friends" on Facebook is not an indication of popularity, or indeed if you are a good person...it just indicates a predisposition to clicking a mouse button with a pointer hovered over a confirm button.

Uni can be a better place for you, but perhaps you just need to realign your internal goals and expectations of the place.  Treated as a party place when it is not in your inherent nature will only lead to disappointment.  Treated as a stepping stone to learn the theory of your chosen vocation, and the stuff on the side will fade into the distance.

I know it must seem like forever, but your schooling is but a small slice of your life once looked at as a whole.  Its huge right now, as you've been at it since you were five, but in ten years from now when you're out in the workforce you'll find all the idiots fall by the wayside, and you'll be the one making the most of life.

Good things take time.  You can't make a pearl without a bit of rough.

Warning: incoherent ramblings to follow.

It's difficult to be a loner, and a shame if you expected more, but in some cases it's definitely preferable to being part of the group, and the group you mention doesn't sound like such a great one to me. It’s sad that people would bother to be like that at university, that surprises me a little. Then again, people are generally, how can I put this in a way you will understand.. people are “James Hunt’s”, and will take any weakness you give them and use it against you. So, it’s always better not to show any at all to people you don’t know, and if that means protecting your Twitter account so you have to approve people then maybe that’s something to consider. Although it’s odd that they’d bother going through your Twitter account, you can’t say they’re nosy if you put that out into the public sphere.

On the whole University experience generally, if you're commuting and not interested in the drinking aspect, then you aren't really in for the whole deal anyway. You’re in it for the academic side and that is the most important part of it. Students who commute in always find it a bit harder to mix in, I think, and seem to move in a different circle of people. I think they also tend to be more mature; getting on with your lecturers is always a good sign of that. It seems like your lectures are different to mine. I don't know that many people on my course, but it doesn't really matter whether you do or not for my course because you can't speak during lectures anyway so it doesn’t make much of a difference whether I sit next to someone I’ve known for 9 years (someone I know from school) or someone I’ve never met before.

I think the biggest problem here is your expectations for university were really high. I can relate, I just finished my 2nd year. It hasn't been what I expected. I wouldn’t say I’ve developed any lifelong relationships or been as outgoing (outgoing? I actually mean drunk. No, I mean I haven't gone out drinking as much. Ahh, it will never sound good) as I’d have liked, which I half expected going into it. But, if I had, maybe I wouldn’t have done as well academically? And maybe I wouldn’t have learned as much in terms of life skills/coping mechanisms/whatever (I’ve lived mostly with people who aren’t particularly sociable this year or bothered about, you know, not living in a complete dump or the presence of flies in the kitchen ). But if you live with people who always empty the bins and clean up, maybe you never learn to do it yourself (not that I ever cleaned up their mess, the James Hunt’s), or maybe you never appreciate it when you go home, etc. I’m trying to say: in life you can’t always develop in every area you want. If you’re struggling to have a good time socially, try to exploit that in other ways, like academically, whilst working on that in the background.

But expectations are a terrible thing. University is generally very built up by everybody; but only a couple of people I know I’d say are having the "time of their life" so I really wouldn't worry much about that. What you will usually find is that the people having the time of their lives at Uni are the ones who haven't got as much freedom/comfort at home, at least that's what I've seen. If you’re happy at home, commute, and don’t drink/”party” (what an awful word to use. I go to clubs but I’m not sure I’ve ever partied..) then you will always struggle to integrate. If you’re truly happy doing that though, then that shouldn’t be an issue for you.

As a self-confessed “partier” let me say: your views on alcohol seem a bit extreme. Sure, a lot of people who drink are complete idiots and not interested in doing well academically. That has nothing to do with the fact they go to clubs or like getting drunk. I know a few people who always seem to be out yet still clearly do very well in their studies; it’s not a choice of one or the other. Not even close. You can have fun and get a good degree too. Maybe you’ve tried it and it isn’t your idea of fun, that’s fair enough, but it’s not fair to knock it if you haven’t. It's like anything: imagine someone said they hated F1 then said they'd never seen it. Doing all that student stuff really isn’t so awful. Nobody will make you dance if you go to a club Just stand there and try to look cool. If you’re drunk, stand there, try to look cool and try not to fall over

And yes, the three years will pass by unbelievably quickly whether you enjoy it or not. You can disregard all of this, but that much is definitely true.

When Craig says you're an introvert, he's right, because I, too, am introverted.  There are a lot of myths about introverts.  We're not well understood, becaues we're the minority.  Doesn't make us better or worse, just different.  If you ever want to know a lot about yourself, try the Myers-Briggs personality test.  You can find a close enough free version online.  It's really accurate and a lot of times, knowing the results can help you figure out the kinds of activities and relationships that are right for you (sometimes, you already know.  I'm an "INFJ," one of the rarest types.  It tells me I'd be a good teacher.  Sure enough, I'm going into teaching.  But seriously, few labels are helpful; I find, in my experience, Myers-Briggs to be very helpful).

You're at a place where I've been before.

There's no guide to getting through it.  It just happens.  Trust that it happens.

You're at the point where you know you don't fit in with everyone else, but you still care.  You can say you don't care, you can say you prefer to be alone, and you might, but deep down, it still bothers you, even if only a tiny, tiny bit, that people treat you the way they treat you.  You just want to be left alone by people who don't understand you.

One day you'll wake up and you'll just stop caring.  People read your Twitter profile (my final paper for a course was on how stupid Twitter is, well, not exactly that, but Twitter's useless, social networking is useless, I won't go there, I sound old, but of course I act old...and not in a good way always ), who cares?  People think you're weird for not partying, who cares?

I did care, James, and you do care, whatever you say, you are saying things someone who cares says.  One day I stopped caring.

There's no way to know when or how.  It really does just happen.  It happens when you're 100%, completely, tremendously, beyond all reasonable doubt at peace with who you are and how you live.  Very few young people are, and by the time many are, the others are, too, and then they aren't even making fun of you because they're secure.

There's no shame in the fact it bothers you.  It sucks that it happens.  Just focus on getting what you want from university (whatever grades you want, get your degree, make connections for work, etc).

Look at how many F1 websites you're published on now.  You know how to make it happen.  Keep making it happen.  Find your niche.  And accept that, as an introvert, you're always going to have a niche, and it's harder to find, but never worry about ever having more than your niche.  Reject them, don't let them reject you.  Just do your thing, keep your head up, accumulate successes, and one day it will just hit you.

You'll say "wow, I'm a really awesome person, I'm doing my thing, I'm getting this done, it's great."  And it will all be "I" and "me."  That's not selfish or arrogant.  That's normal.  You don't care where the others went or what they did.  You made it happen.  You can make it happen with other people, you should have others.

I don't know if any of that made sense.  But one day you'll be at peace with who you are.  Right now you are mostly at peace with it, but there's still something you're fighting, just a little.  Just let it all happen.

It gets easier.  A lot easier.  We're very similar, James, we've gone through very similar things socially.  And it worked out really damn well for me, not because of anyone around me, but because of me.

God damn that was long.  Sorry.

You know what I really was trying to say?

If you respect who you are, and if people see that you respect who you are, people respect you.

Somewhere, one of those two things isn't happening.

I thought you were really trying to say you loved him...awwww....bit of bromance