elgo

Who Would You Hire

43 posts in this topic

In an effort to cut costs, Asno Autosport is firing everyone and replacing them with the following:

Lead Driver: Abbas...let's see Schumi drift an Innova

Second Driver: Danny...he's young. He has another 16 years to learn the cars. You'd think by then he'd make some progress, like, I don't know, being able to get it down pit lane?

Test Driver: Ankit. He likes Microsoft, so he'll be great with the ECU when that paperclip guy pops up. "It appears you are trying to drive an F1 car. Would you like me to **** everything up or just **** a few things up?"

Marketing: Ben. Has any F1 team ever been aimed at homosexuals? I think not. It's a whole new world. Homosexual dollars are just as good as hetero ones, you know. "Asno Autosport: Where Everyone Wants to Be On Pole." It's perfect.

Technical Director: Bruce. He'll design us a tank. And no one's going to take their chances going side-by-side with a tank at Monaco.

Grid Girl: Graham, only because he actually would wear that outfit. Sure, his legs are probably hairy, but so are the grid girls' in all of Eastern Europe anyway, so....(zing...it hurts because it's (not actually) true)

Lollypop Guy: Andrés. We won't need to buy a lollypop that way. We can just write "Go" on his head.

Race Engineer: Classic Cav. Face it. You'd much rather listen to "GO GET THE ****ING CLEAR VISOR YOURSELF, BITCH" than "Felipe baby, stay cool."

Chief Mechanic: NZL, whoever that is. I hear he's handy.

Wet Weather Driving Coach: George. We can have a test track and slick it down with some KFC grease to train our drivers.

Team Principal: Flavio Briatore. He certainly resembles the animal our team is named after...hehehehe.

PR: Peter Windsor. I've only met one better liar and he was that jackass who used to post here under the name "Drymaster." Wait.

Advertising: Jay. Include women, lot's of women. Draped all over the chassis. And then draw an arrow to the part of her body that's touching the car and write "Your logo here." It's not politically correct and any company that employs women won't actually sponsor us, but you'll have fun making it.

Representative at Stewards' Debriefings: Freakazoid...I wouldn't make any verdicts against our team in his presence.

Head of our anti-bullying, anti-"somoking," anti-swearing, and anti-taking pleasure from the thought of sex campaign: SuperKimi

Edited by lewisthegreat2

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Kimi and Alonso

By far, far, far, the best two F1 drivers today.

Ferrari made fools of themselves letting Kimi go. Having Kimi and Alonso is like having heads and tails on a coin toss, that is, impossible to lose.

Alonso and Kubica.

+1

My first driver would be Lewis. My second would be Fernando. This is assuming their previous relationship never happened and we could start afresh...

As always, this kind of thing makes me smile. It's good to have you around now that the late Murray is, well, "late".

So, afresh, eh? That would imply, once again, that Hamilton needs Alonso's know-how to get anywhere while Alonso doesn't need Hamilton for a thing. Moreover, would the team also be holding Alonso back this time around? "Racing against Alonso" as RD put it? Additionally, do you count on the kind of "equality" that Hamilton has enjoyed since his first day in F1?

That said, I applaud your kamikaze-like commitment to Hamilton. As it happened before, you will live to regret this... just remember how you felt when Hamilton screwed it up time and again his first year despite having everything, _everything_ (from FIA to god himself on his side), on his side.

Yep.

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My drivers would be Vettel & Hamilton. Both young both hungry for success and willing to work hard to get there and in the mean time have respect for each other and the team as a whole. Test driver would be Daniel Ricciardo, Australia's next World Champion. You read it here first.

Team name would be, Southern Cross Racing or SCR.

Edited by aussief1

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Kimi and Kubica. My two favorite formula 1 drivers. And if there was a third car, I'd get Lewis Hamilton, love his style as well.

I really hope Mclaren go for Kubica sooner or later.

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Head of our anti-bullying, anti-"somoking," anti-swearing, and anti-taking pleasure from the thought of sex campaign: SuperKimi

You're on to a winner there! Sounds just like McLaren's contract..."You will NOT lie to the stewards....oh, hang on a minute!" :nono1:

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Kimi and Alonso

By far, far, far, the best two F1 drivers today.

Do you even ever try to make sense? How the **** is Kimi the best driver in F1 when he can barely keep pace with Massa, and more importantly doesn't want to be there.

Ferrari made fools of themselves letting Kimi go. Having Kimi and Alonso is like having heads and tails on a coin toss, that is, impossible to lose.

Yep, supermen can make up for crap cars. But they're just men. Even if we accept that they are the two best, one's enough. In F1,two great drivers in a team are always less than the sum of their parts. Kimi and Alonso in the same team - there is no possible way that would end well.

So, afresh, eh? That would imply, once again, that Hamilton needs Alonso's know-how to get anywhere while Alonso doesn't need Hamilton for a thing. Moreover, would the team also be holding Alonso back this time around? "Racing against Alonso" as RD put it? Additionally, do you count on the kind of "equality" that Hamilton has enjoyed since his first day in F1?

Do you also still hold a grudge against the guy who pushed you in the school playground? Seriously, let it go..

Anyway..

Ok, so out of the current F1 drivers, let's say the pool of drivers who are not too old and actually want to be in F1. That excludes Kimi. Ok, include him, doesn't matter. He doesn't want to be here.

Pick two out of Fettel kid, Button, Schumacher, Hamilton I'd say.

Hmm so which two?

I'd pick button n Schumacher. I think they're as fast as the kids, or close enough to not matter, and have more intelligence, maturity and two drivers who would actually get along..

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So, here goes.....

Race drivers (in no particular order)

Vettel

Hamilton

Test driver

Heidfeld

Team name

Sauber motorsport

Team boss

Peter sauber (I guess he would prefer to stay at home, so Mario could fill in at the races)

Sponsors

Petronas

Intel

Vodafone

Feldschlosschen (a swiss beer, got one in hand so it seems right at this time)

Team colours

Who cares, it will look Sh#te with that sponsor mix

Engine

I guess it would have to be a Merc (maybe I should change the team name back to Sauber Mercedes)

Edited by c21

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I will have a super driver constructed with the parts of the current (and a couple of former) drivers' bodies...

Massa's abdomen (light weight)

Kimi's right arm (that's his drinking hand)

Hamilton's left arm (like the way he wips the wheel into those tight left handers)

Vettel's left leg (smooth breaker)

Alonso's right leg (keeping it well away from the left arm so as to keep the peace)

Coulthard's balls

Schumi's chin

Kubica's nose

Un-****ing-beatable!

EDIt - Sh#t forgot a head. sod it. no head - schumi's chin and kubi's nose will make up for it. anyway these guys don't need brains :ph34r:

Edited by adamstrags

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In an effort to cut costs, Asno Autosport is firing everyone and replacing them with the following:

Lead Driver: Abbas...let's see Schumi drift an Innova

Second Driver: Danny...he's young. He has another 16 years to learn the cars. You'd think by then he'd make some progress, like, I don't know, being able to get it down pit lane?

Test Driver: Ankit. He likes Microsoft, so he'll be great with the ECU when that paperclip guy pops up. "It appears you are trying to drive an F1 car. Would you like me to **** everything up or just **** a few things up?"

Marketing: Ben. Has any F1 team ever been aimed at homosexuals? I think not. It's a whole new world. Homosexual dollars are just as good as hetero ones, you know. "Asno Autosport: Where Everyone Wants to Be On Pole." It's perfect.

Technical Director: Bruce. He'll design us a tank. And no one's going to take their chances going side-by-side with a tank at Monaco.

Grid Girl: Graham, only because he actually would wear that outfit. Sure, his legs are probably hairy, but so are the grid girls' in all of Eastern Europe anyway, so....(zing...it hurts because it's (not actually) true)

Lollypop Guy: Andr

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But I'm going to have to take up the fact there's no equality in your team. You need to employ some females!

(waits for him to give us the cleaning jobs :lol: )

And as I am a female (apparently, according to some posters? :) ) I demand a job too!

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(waits for him to give us the cleaning jobs :lol: )

:lol: Oh, come on, women are perfectly capable of doing other jobs, like teaching primary school, nurisng, using typewriters, connecting telephone calls, and making semi-edible gelatinous things shaped like dinosaurs.

I suppose we can make an exception, though. Any of the TF1 women who want the job can have it: Flav's personal "assistant."

No?

Okay, fine, Meani, you can fill that role.

Oh, and, what do you know? Now we've employed a woman, so we're all set (though the place is a bit dirty without some to clean it :eusa_think:). Sorry, Steph :P

(We'll make it up to you. We know you like riding motorbikes, so here's the official Asno Autosport motorbike absolutely FREE with nine easy payments of $19.95. You've never had this much fun riding)!

Well, I guess I can think of one role for you. They spend the entire race showing Nicole Sh#tzinger in the pits, so we might as well just have you stand next to her holding a sign with our sponsor's logo on it, that way they get their money's worth. Won't that be exciting for you?

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Doing a post after Eric's is a bit like being the Monkees after Jimi Hendrix has opened for them.....

But back to the topic, Kubeetza and Alonso would make good teammates. Both have similar styles.

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Doing a post after Eric's is a bit like being the Monkees after Jimi Hendrix has opened for them.....

But back to the topic, Kubeetza and Alonso would make good teammates. Both have similar styles.

And here's Kenny G after The Monkees... :dam:

I am a fan of both Kubica and Nando, but I disagree. BTW, not only they have similar styles, they also are one of the great friendships among F1 drivers. Still, I think the fact that both styles are very similar is precisely why I don't think they would make for a good lineup. In a team like that, Kubica can't add much. They will yuxtapose too much. Other than having an easier job of sharing setups, I can't see the advantages. The ideal companion for a Nando would be a Button (personalities aside). Very different teammates means more options for the team, right? A matured Hamilton outside of his Macca womb paired with a matured Nando out of his Renault womb would be the best lineup, matured being the keyword here. A Schumi/Nando if they found a way to work together without losing their competitive edge would be a lineup that could win every championship even if they were running lobotomised Toro Rossos.

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I suppose we can make an exception, though. Any of the TF1 women who want the job can have it: Flav's personal "assistant."

No?

Okay, fine, Meani, you can fill that role.

Oh not again. Look I did it last year, must be someone else's turn by now?

:D

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And here's Kenny G after The Monkees... :dam:

I am a fan of both Kubica and Nando, but I disagree. BTW, not only they have similar styles, they also are one of the great friendships among F1 drivers. Still, I think the fact that both styles are very similar is precisely why I don't think they would make for a good lineup. In a team like that, Kubica can't add much. They will yuxtapose too much. Other than having an easier job of sharing setups, I can't see the advantages. The ideal companion for a Nando would be a Button (personalities aside). Very different teammates means more options for the team, right? A matured Hamilton outside of his Macca womb paired with a matured Nando out of his Renault womb would be the best lineup, matured being the keyword here. A Schumi/Nando if they found a way to work together without losing their competitive edge would be a lineup that could win every championship even if they were running lobotomised Toro Rossos.

That all sounds good, but it doesn't work. Cars work better when you have two teammates with similar driving styles helping to refine it's development. Both drivers will be driving a car that fits their style and both will be performing at their optimum because of it.

What you're describing is the best way to come up with the theoretical 'perfect' car, but you forget that the definition of 'perfect' is made by the driver.

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Oh, and, what do you know? Now we've employed a woman, so we're all set (though the place is a bit dirty without some to clean it :eusa_think:). Sorry, Steph :P

(We'll make it up to you. We know you like riding motorbikes, so here's the official Asno Autosport motorbike absolutely FREE with nine easy payments of $19.95. You've never had this much fun riding)!

Well, I guess I can think of one role for you. They spend the entire race showing Nicole Sh#tzinger in the pits, so we might as well just have you stand next to her holding a sign with our sponsor's logo on it, that way they get their money's worth. Won't that be exciting for you?

You really want me to stand next to PCD's Nicole? Gee, I feel so bad for her. She doesn't stand a chance! :P :P :P

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And as I am a female (apparently, according to some posters? :) ) I demand a job too!

Look, Mrs Doubtfire.

There's no room in F1 for dinosaurs, ok.

I think you've left your false teeth in Alonso's drink tube. Again.

:roll:

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#1 Driver: Michael Schumacher

#2 Driver: Fernando Alonso

Test Driver: Pedro de la Rosa

Team Name: Smith GP

Colours: green & red

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