The Unofficial Officially Official Unofficial Official Sepang Grand Prix Thread Of The 2010 Grand Prix Of Malaysia In Malaysia

[HandyNZL 1]

Sunshine for FP2.....long may it continue...

[HandyNZL 1]

At end of first stint, its Hamo, Nico, Jenso, Mike-o, and Robbo.

Seems nothing (so far) that the shoe does, that Nico doesn't have an answer for. I always thought this would be the best battle in the pit lane, and so far, not dissappointed.

[HandyNZL 1]

Webber decides a pino colada is better than driving an F1 car, and he beaches it.

[HandyNZL 1]

With 15mins to go, a Ferrari finally makes it into the top 10...

[Jean Todt 4]

Ferrari SSSand Bagging!

[Quiet One 15]

As if I needed another reason to idolize Alonso, I found that he might be the funniest driver on the grid. Or maybe he is trying to compensate for the loss of Kimi and his witticisms.

First, it was the "I don't want to know" when told over the radio that Hammy was closing in fast.

Now, commenting about his Friday practices:

“It was a very normal Friday for us, with no idea of where we are.”

[Persevere 0]

Craig - I'll stand by my words. You're on fire. We haven't even gotten to qualifying yet and you've already outpaced Not-So-Quiet-One ("...look at these shots I posted of sand; obviously I'm in Bahrain..."). Nobel Prize? Pah, these days they hand those things out like Valium. I say you should put the rest of us poor schmucks out of our anticipatory misery and and handle the remainder of the season yourself.

By the way, the alternate universe news conference was gold.

[Rainmaster 7]

They complain about no testing and after half an hour (FP1) nobody's done anything but the installation laps and most are even out of the car.

I thought this.

Some action... The McLaren seems very strong on this track.

Aye. That thing they have, which apparently isn't called an "F-duct", is probably helping down those long straights.

Ferrari's team radio: "Ok, Felipe baby, stay cool and the next corner press that pedal we were talking about a few minutes ago, remember? The one we called "gas" and make you giggle like a 5-year old? And now turn left! Left! LEFT! Nooo, the other left you moron!"

Cheeky.

Nothing too serious.

70 min: Sebastian Vettel's second run has come to an early end. He reported on the team radio that the RB6 wasn't slowing down properly.

70 min: Vettel was told to pit by his race engineer. The Red Bull mechanics are now taking a look at the problem.

It could be even a good thing for the race.

Bollocks! More ammo for Mike!

But seriously it is better to find these things in practice yes. Also didn't Webbo have some reliability issue (engine failure?) in FP2?

As if I needed another reason to idolize Alonso, I found that he might be the funniest driver on the grid. Or maybe he is trying to compensate for the loss of Kimi and his witticisms.

First, it was the "I don't want to know" when told over the radio that Hammy was closing in fast.

Now, commenting about his Friday practices:

At least he's honest

[Rainmaster 7]

Meh. Internet. Working. Well.

[Kopite Girl 0]

Handy. Awesome job mate. Awesome! Keep it flowing fella.

David, gotta agree. Handsome. Yes!

Andres. Indeed.

Where is Russ? And to Senna's Ghost - liking your postings.

Ok. Maybe I have to eat humble pie. But I'll do it with ice cream on top. Nico Hairberg has completely proven me wrong so far. He actually might have talent.

[HandyNZL 1]

Malaysia: FIA Friday press conference

Team Principals: Tony Fernandes (Lotus) and Otmar Szafnauer (Force India). Drivers: Heikki Kovalainen (Lotus) and Vitantonio Liuzzi (Force India).

PRESS CONFERENCE

Q: First of all, a question to both team principals. How important is this grand prix for you given the area and the location of your teams?

Tony Fernandes: We have a small spot down on pitlane, so it is important that we utilize every bit of area we have been given. Luckily we have Jarno Trulli in the team, who seems to know a thing or two about interior design. We always had suspicions that he was gay with his hair and all that hair product, but now we think we are right in those suspicions.

Otmar Szafnauer: Likewise for us. Sutil is very gay, and he made very good use of our area and his interior design work is first class. Forever and a day though he complains about the green and orange though....always "I just can not work with these colours...."

Q: Tony, just recap the story so far particularly when it comes to the racing itself. It is a long story, but if you would just summarise it.

TF: Well Og challenged Ug just after Ug designed the first ever wheel...Ug told Og that he would now be able to impress OhAh by burning some stone infront of her cave....Og said "no way you caveman"....and so they both made some more wheels and had the first car race doing what we always have done with cars...impress the chicks...we continue to do that today....well, maybe Jarno is trying to impress the boys....

Q: What has the reception been like in Malaysia, particularly this week?

TF: There are lots of lady-boys here, so the reception to Jarno has been quite welcoming...

Q: What is the thinking behind the use of the third driver on Friday morning with Fairuz? Will you be doing that at other grands prix or is it just here?

TF: Well you can't pay someone just to sit around on his arse all day, now can you? He is not a British Prime Minister or something is he?

Q: Heikki, your impressions do you have of the team's performance?

Heikki Kovalainen: Well Jarno really blew me away with his colour choices for the weekend...I mean they are really great. As for the car...it's Sh#ttier than a Sh#tty thing. But we knew that. What else would one expect of a Formula One car looking like a mid eighties Volvo.

Q: What has the build-up to this race been like? Been busy?

HK: Well I had to unpack my suitcases, of course...only to find the hotel didn't have enough drawers for all my clothes. So I went down to the local Ikea and bought myself some new drawers....and boy....are those things hard to put together...just the instructions alone are really crap....and the picture was for a TV stand, and I had bought a chest of drawers...I have been very busy working that out...

Q: A little summary of how things went today?

HK: I got three drawers put together, and the main part is made too, but it looks like I will have either some parts left over, or not enough parts....still working that one out.

Q: Otmar, tell us about the progress made over the winter as the team is now much more of a top 10 team.

OS: Well, there are three new teams, and only 12 on the grid, so we would have to be at least 9th, no? So we have set that as our goal over winter, and so far so good.

Q: Pace of development, that's the all-important thing, isn't it?

OS: No. Having tyres and a spot on the grid is....haha...Stefan team found that out didn't they...hahaha

Q: And could you just explain the thinking behind your use of the third driver and when will we see Paul [di Resta] again?

OS: He was supposed to be going out to get some sweet n sour pork - he nicked off with the car, but unfortunately for him, he didn't realise that the "road" outside the pits just goes around in circles...silly boy...

Q: Tonio, your feelings about the performance so far this year, particularly qualifying because you've been out-qualified so far this year?

Vitantonio Liuzzi: I don't want to talk about that. What I want to talk about is just how cool I am....who else on the grid has such a cool name? Who else on the grid has better hair than me? Tell me? Is there? No of course their isn't....I'm so cool I don't even need to do qualifying.

Q: What are your personal aims for the whole season?

VL: More chicks, bro...more chicks....

Q: What about today? Give us some impression of how the circuit is, because it's a circuit that seems to get washed every evening, there never seems to be an opportunity to get any rubber down, there's only one support race.

VL: Had three today....two brunettes and a blonde. My impressions? All three were very hot...and I am very thankful they get washed every evening...I mean there was whipped cream and chocolate sauce everywhere....but don't worry, I did get the rubber down....as as for a support race? Yeah, well Bruno is trying hard, but, well, he's just not so cool is he?

QUESTIONS FROM THE FLOOR

Q (Mike Doodson): Tony, things have been tough for the four new teams that came in because there have been restrictions on testing and so forth. Tony will point to the fact that both of his cars finished the first race, so that probably wasn't too bad for him, but do you think that in future there should be exemptions made for new teams to allow them to do more running, and perhaps to be more competitive and to make sure that the new drivers that come in aren't going to get in the way of the ones at the front, as they are racing for the lead?

TF: . Yes. No. Yes. No. No. Yes. No. Maybe?

Q (Santhosh Kumar – Deccan Chronicle): Mr Fernandes, suddenly there is a lot of interest in India in Formula One. We have the Force India team and a driver and we are supposed to host an Indian Grand Prix next year and even you have Indian roots. Do you think it's good for the sport as it enters the second most populous country in the world?

TF: Of course it is great to be able to race infront of empty stands....but we have a cunning plan....it is so cunning you could pin a tail on it, and call it a weasel. For the duration of the race, we will have a Twenty20 cricket match played in the pitlane...afterall, nobody uses it through the race....that should pack the Indian's in.

[mikathegreat2 2]

Hamilton doing brilliant in FP, shows how p1ssed off he was bout the Oz GP outcome!

[HandyNZL 1]

A little birdy told me, that Schuey has been concentrating on setting up the car for qualifying, as he has realised that that is where the race is at these days. Just how he plans on out quallifying his team mate based on Friday's efforts is beyond me, but he is Mikey the Sandal so maybe the old geezer can pull something out of his knapsack. Something that stops his oversteer would be a good place to start.

As for Ferrari, they have been working on race setup running with heavy loads, though even if true, Mr Malaysia himself, Massa, is woefully off the pace. Alonso looked to be on a lighter fuel load to set his best time plonking him in 7th.

On current form, it looks to be a race between the Mac's, the Bull's (if the engines/gearboxes survive) and the Merc's. The red team looks at the moment to be aiming for 7th and 8th.

But, today is a whole new day....

[Quiet One 15]

Sorry, Craig but I'm at a loss of witty words to describe how much you make me laugh with your press conferences! A true talent!

I bet you are smarter than at least half of the sheeps in NZ. I am truly impressed!

[Rainmaster 7]

I agree with Andres, fantastic stuff

[Quiet One 15]

I agree with Andres, fantastic stuff

About the sheeps too, right?

[Rainmaster 7]

About the sheeps too, right?

Especially about the sheeps.

[Autumnpuma 0]

You're killing me, Craig!

As if I needed another reason to idolize Alonso, I found that he might be the funniest driver on the grid. Or maybe he is trying to compensate for the loss of Kimi and his witticisms.

First, it was the "I don't want to know" when told over the radio that Hammy was closing in fast.

Now, commenting about his Friday practices:

I have just now decided to ignore Alonso's cheating ways. I like him again.

Bollocks! More ammo for Mike!

Heh. Actually, if the team are smart they will have identified that Vettel heats up his brakes pretty quickly and they probably need better cooling. That's gonna cause more drag, however...

[Persevere 0]

Sorry, Craig but I'm at a loss of witty words to describe how much you make me laugh with your press conferences! A true talent!

I bet you are smarter than at least half of the sheeps in NZ. I am truly impressed!

Craig - I even had to call wifey into the inner sanctum to have someone else appreciate your humor. (Of course she wanted to know if Jarno was gay and, if not, why you were engaging in such trash talk and, oh by the way, I've now found out where the closest Ikea is from home... oh hell, marriage...)

...But back to - say it very slowly - Ku-a-la Lum-pur, you are doing a bang up job. Oh and I should tell you that Stephy has apparently posted some nude photos of you over at the "Beautiful Men" thread so there will at least be something to talk about between Sunday night and the Chinese Grand Prix.

[yurp 0]

Craig - fantastic job.

The press conferences are so much better than the real thing.

[HandyNZL 1]

A little under an hour until............thunderstorms are expected.

The teams have thus released the following joint statement:

With the high possibility that the next two sessions at the 2010 Malaysian GP are going to be held under torrential downpours, we have all agreed to remove our wheels and rear wings, replacing them instead with Mercury outboards, and pontoons. We hope that with these pre-cautions, you, the viewing public will not have to miss a thing.

Thankyou.

Well, the teams didn't say thank you - I just added that in.

[HandyNZL 1]

20 mins in and its ALO, VET, WEB, MAS, LIU with HAM on his first timed run...

[HandyNZL 1]

and finishes 0.07 behind ALO...ALO set his time on 2nd attempt....can HAM improve?

[HandyNZL 1]

MSC 0.2 off but good enough for 3rd...for now...ROS not had a lap yet

[HandyNZL 1]

MSC 2nd lap, slower than his first....old man getting tired....???