190.596 Miles Of Monza

[Pucky the Whale 0]

Monza 190.596 Fun Facts

• The race is this weekend. I probably won't even watch it but I seem to be the only one who knew.

Famous Italians

• Mike "The Situation"
• Henry VII
• Benito Mussolini

Previous Winners

• Mike "The Situation"
• Snorris Strags
• Michael Schumacher
• Sébastien Bourdais
• Glenn Beck

Future Winners

• Adrian Sutil
• Robert Kubica
• Vitaly Petrovsky
• Esteban Gutiérrez
• Ben Collins
• President Senator Barrister Barista Goodluck Nathan Solomon Sadam Ali Alexandrov Jorge Penis Cameron, heir to Benin, who has some really fantastic
  for you

Did you know...

• ...that the Italian Grand Prix is held in Italy?
• ...that Rubens Barrichello is the winningest driver not only in Formula 1 history but also at this track?
• ...that I don't like Italian food, cars, or women?
• ...that Italy, by virtue of not being the United States, is a communist police state?
• ...that my family originates from the same exact place that gave us Jarno Trulli and Vitantonio Liuzzi?
• ...that I thoroughly enjoy listening to Mr. Mister power ballads?

Expect...

• ...Jenson Button to win this race, launching an assault on the 2010 WDC.
• ...this to be Jonathan Legard's last Italian Grand Prix. Or at least hope.
• ...DOF to find this race boring.

Practice...

• ...results will undoubtedly be posted by someone who has seen them.

There. I made you guys a thread to talk about your little race in because no one else wanted to. As reward, you can give me your Skype® Banking System details.

[Quiet One 15]

Dear Mr/Ms Pucky The Whale:

Hi! It's me, Mom. Me ill, please sent me all of your money, it's completely FREE!!

Please make coin or cheque deposit to account detail below. Scrotum Viagra Credit Green Card Penis Katrina from Dad also, too.

Love U

Mom (Formerly Skype Banking System)

[HandyNZL 1]

Monza 190.596 Fun Facts

• The race is this weekend. I probably won't even watch it but I seem to be the only one who knew. No it's next weekend, ya noob.....honest

Famous Italians

• Mike "The Situation" not to be confused with Mike "The Shoe"
• Henry VII not to be confused with 'enry the eighth I am
• Benito Mussolini not to be confused with Banjo Patterson

Previous Winners

• Mike "The Situation" who got Michelle "In a Situation"
• Snorris Strags to be confused with Slimey Blimey
• Michael Schumacher often confused with the better of the brothers, Ralf
• Sébastien Bourdais always confused with Santa Claus
• Glenn Beck aka Eric the Puckster Whale

Future Winners

• Adrian Sutil sorry, but he's to worried about being gay and winning and what sort of pressure that would bring from the rainbow fellows to do it again
• Robert Kubica once his nose has been grafted to the front of the car, and then he will be in with a sniff
• Vitaly Petrovsky no, no,no....he's an Opera singer
• Esteban Gutiérrez once he escapes from Cuba that is
• Ben Collins Ben who? You mean Phil Collins, no?
• President Senator Barrister Barista Goodluck Nathan Solomon Sadam Ali Alexandrov Jorge Penis Cameron, heir to Benin, who has some really fantastic
  for you thanks, but no thanks

Did you know...

• ...that the Italian Grand Prix is held in Italy? You mean it's in California
• ...that Rubens Barrichello is the winningest driver not only in Formula 1 history but also at this track? no i did not...please can you round out the top ten statistics
• ...that I don't like Italian food, cars, or women? well, did YOU know that makes you gay, gay, gay?
• ...that Italy, by virtue of not being the United States, is a communist police state? California is a communist police state? That explains the talking mice I guess
• ...that my family originates from the same exact place that gave us Jarno Trulli and Vitantonio Liuzzi? a vagina?
• ...that I thoroughly enjoy listening to Mr. Mister power ballads? you are definitely gay...

Expect...

• ...Jenson Button to win this race, launching an assault on the 2010 WDC. In Stephs dreams between choking on sausage and titty flashing Andre
• ...this to be Jonathan Legard's last Italian Grand Prix. Or at least hope. oh, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaassssseeeeee please please please please let this be true!
• ...DOF to find this race boring. no, he's going to watch the last great race from Monza on his VHS...the 1232 Grandee Prixxee

Practice...

• ...results will undoubtedly be posted by someone who has seen them. next week of course...when the race is on

There. I made you guys a thread to talk about your little race in because no one else wanted to. As reward, you can give me your Skype® Banking System details. No...maybe we should discuss your apparent gayness?

[Pucky the Whale 0]

Dear Mr/Ms Pucky The Whale:

Hi! It's me, Mom. Me ill, please sent me all of your money, it's completely FREE!!

Please make coin or cheque deposit to account detail below. Scrotum Viagra Credit Green Card Penis Katrina from Dad also, too.

Love U

Mom (Formerly Skype Banking System)

I hope nothing controversial happens this weekend. For a race thread, this one's actually enjoyable to read.

I'm really mad at Vitaly Petrov. Mother Russia forced him to be a racing driver against his immoral, misguided will to pursue prostitution and be pursued by Tomas Scheckter. She has given Petrov the right and ability to win Grands Prix. And what's he done? Secretly aligned with Italy (see his name...it contains Italy...it's a sign). From now on, he's either Vussr Petrov or that story about him being the son of a horse and a Virgin is a damned lie. And I can't bring myself to accept that.

Monza 190.596 Fun Facts

1. No it's next weekend, ya noob.....honest

2. who got Michelle "In a Situation"

3.

4. not to be confused with Slimey Blimey

5. often confused with the better of the brothers, Ralf

6. always confused with Santa Claus

7. Glenn Beck aka Eric the Puckster Whale

8. sorry, but he's to worried about being gay and winning and what sort of pressure that would bring from the rainbow fellows to do it again

9. once he escapes from Cuba that is

10. Ben who? You mean Phil Collins, no?

11. You mean it's in California

12. no i did not...please can you round out the top ten statistics

13. well, did YOU know that makes you gay, gay, gay?

14. California is a communist police state? That explains the talking mice I guess

15. a vagina?

16. you are definitely gay...

17. In Stephs dreams between choking on sausage and titty flashing Andre

18. oh, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaassssseeeeee please please please please let this be true!

19. no, he's going to watch the last great race from Monza on his VHS...the 1232 Grandee Prixxee

20. next week of course...when the race is on

21. No...maybe we should discuss your apparent gayness?

1. Oh. Well it was this weekend on my Batracer so I just figured...

2. There has to be a better space for sharing your private life with the public, such as Myspace, YouTube, Wikipedia, or your own site craigslist.

3.

4. Isn't Vettel's car called Randy Handy? Maybe Slimey Blimey can be the next.

5. Ralf's his son, you moron. His brother, Tony, is a drag racer (you know, men who race dressed as women) in the United States.

6. This is true. Sébastien Bourdais goes into your house at night and watches your daughter sleep while eating cookies and courting her with various gifts.

7. I always make fun of conservatives (and everyone else, actually), but I'm secretly conservative. Reading my economics textbook changed my life.

8. Adrian's not gay. He told me he was just exploring; heteroflexible, if you will. Next he'll say he's bi, and then he'll finally say he's been gay all along. It's kind of like that time the U.S. media made a huge deal about Lewis Hamilton being the first African-American to win a Grand Prix. The problem being he wasn't African nor American at the time. But he has a wife who he isn't married to who won Dancing with the Stars by cheating (she was a dancer to begin with) and spends a lot of time wasting money in Vegas with his gay lover Adrian, so he's definitely gotten the American part down, so maybe he's made the transformation.

9. Cuba? That's the capital of Canada, right? Where Karl Marx, O.Q. is from?

10. Yeah, I most certainly meant Phil Collins. He wears a pink uniform and is called "The Pig" on some show called Bottom Gear. It's popular with the nation with the 29th highest quality of life, the Soviet Kingdom of England, Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland. 29th. Chew on that. New Zealand's somewhere around first and the U.S. is sixth in a move of pure modesty (it's good P.R. to let others win sometimes). Ben Collins, for the record, was the singer/drummer in Genesis, who had a successful solo career, and by successful I mean he made a killing doing songs for Disney movies. Talk about having no pride.

11. They can have California if they'd like it.

12. Okay, well, 1. Rubens Barrichello; 2. Rubens Barrichello (his 98 wins from 1994 count separately); 3. Phil Collins; 4. Snooki; 5. Donald Fauntleroy Duck; 6. Snorris Strags; 7. Vitaly Petrovsky; 8. The Brady Bunch; 9. Governor Sarah Palin; 10.

13. I did not know. Do you happen to have any email offers to help me not be? Here I thought I was straight, you know. Italian food smells weird and makes my digestive system do less-than-desirable things. Italian cars make your gentleman's area shrink and your car insurance grow. And Italian women would benefit from showers and shaving...

14. Same with New Zealand and the talking sheep.

15. im 12 and wat is this

16. I'M NOT FAT JUST BIG-BONED. Wait, that had nothing to do with that, did it?

17. You have the oddest fantasies. I wonder how Andrés and Steph would feel knowing you think about them naked.

18. In America, where everything is the best, we don't have to deal with Legard, so I hope he signs a 200-year contract extension. And a 20-inch penis extension with Extenzxxx+ available now at Rolex watches prescription Tylenol bank dot com.

19. That was genuinely funny.

20. Them libruls better not be tryin to give me gubbermint helf cares durn that week we gots to wait. I just want ma Medicare and no none of this gubbermint stuff.

21. Or your insecurity. No, I won't pick on you. It's got to be tough to live in third world New Zealand, always dreaming of the first world (U.S.A.) and the second world (Mexico).

[Piotr 0]

I asked my wife to call me Peter "Da Situation."

She asked if she could call me "Sh#t" for short.

[...sigh...]

Women....

[Kopite Girl 0]

Craig & Eric

Welcome back Peter Da Situation.

[Pucky the Whale 0]

In true Monza tradition, qualifying took place one week before the actual race will be run.

Kimi Räikkönen took a fantastic pole for Scuderia Toro Rosso over Juan Pablo Montoya in the McLaren and Bill Clinton in a BMW-Sauber. Vussr Petrov was fourth as he had to share his speed with the entire Soviet Union (10 mph to each government official, 1 mph to everyone else).

The qualifications podium.

Michael Schumacher tries to remember what speed feels like. The German legend struggled in qualifying today, as he failed to find any speed in his Goodyear-clad W126 saloon. To make matters worse, the FIA penalized Schumacher 5 positions on the grid (from 24th to 24th) for leaving his left directional on during the entire session.

Robert Kubica had an off in the session and ran into the grass.

Petrov walks to his car before the morning warmup.

(I need to do my homework).

[mikathegreat2 2]

Clinton in a BMW-Sauber.

Saw him the other day on an ad for viagra-world.com! Problem is that twas a pop-up & Bill gave me a virus! Still, better off with a virus than what he gives to most women!

[Pucky the Whale 0]

Saw him the other day on an ad for viagra-world.com! Problem is that twas a pop-up & Bill gave me a virus! Still, better off with a virus than what he gives to most women!

Viagra World, huh? Is that one of those ads that uses your web history to determine which ad to show?

Besides, Bill's only had relations with one woman in his life. After all, in Soviet Russia, Hillary Clinton's favorite store is the Men's Wearhouse. In fact, it's her favorite store in every other nation, too.

In other news, all along we thought Sutil was gay, but it turns out Alonso actually is the one grabbing male genitalia according to this headline: Alonso Grabs Italian Pole. There had to be a better way to word that, no?

(I won't stop with these horrid posts until someone mentions Kimi and I'll have to go on a three-day self-ban that will last ten minutes).

[Jean Todt 4]

Viagra World, huh? Is that one of those ads that uses your web history to determine which ad to show?

Besides, Bill's only had relations with one woman in his life. After all, in Soviet Russia, Hillary Clinton's favorite store is the Men's Wearhouse. In fact, it's her favorite store in every other nation, too.

In other news, all along we thought Sutil was gay, but it turns out Alonso actually is the one grabbing male genitalia according to this headline: Alonso Grabs Italian Pole. There had to be a better way to word that, no?

(I won't stop with these horrid posts until someone mentions Kimi and I'll have to go on a three-day self-ban that will last ten minutes).

kimi...

[Jean Todt 4]

Robert Kubica had an off in the session and ran into the grass.

[Jean Todt 4]

Lewis Stupid Hamilton.

[Schumikonen 2]

[quote name='Jean Todt' timestamp='1284296424' post='323483']
Lewis Stupid Hamilton.
[/quote]
Felipe Stupid Massa.

PD: Maure was right he is wasting a Ferrari.

EDIT: I don't mean he is stupid for LH's crash but because he never seem to be on attacking move, it looks like all he wants to do is finish the race.

[Pucky the Whale 0]

Oh my goodness I don't believe it! Rio Haryanto wins for Virgin after Lewis Hamilton (Williams) ends Felipe Massa's (Toro Rosso) dominant drive with a stupid collision! Fortunately, though, Massa will still qualify for the Chase for the Sprint Cup, after being P3, behind Hermann Tilke (Penske). Danica Patrick (MyFreeCreditLoanViagraMonkey17.freewebs.co.cc Racing) wins fourth, with Jean Todt (Lada), Jean Alesi (Lada), Romain GrosJean (Lada), 2008-spec rear Jacques Villeneuve (2004-spec Ferrari), Valentino Rossi (a horse), and Bristol Palin (US F1) rounding out the points-paying positions.

Kimi Räikkönen has clinched the 2010 WDC as well, so major congratulations to him. And it's his fifth one, really, if you pretend he won in 2003 if he had won more races, and pretend he won again in 2005 if he had finished more races, and pretend he won 2009 if his teammate hadn't earned the focus of his team in addition to the one he actually won in 2007.

(Did anyone watch the race)?

[Pucky the Whale 0]

Felipe Stupid Massa.

PD: Maure was right he is wasting a Ferrari.

EDIT: I don't mean he is stupid for LH's crash but because he never seem to be on attacking move, it looks like all he wants to do is finish the race.

Ah, someone did watch the race!

Massa's not wasting a Ferrari, in my mind. He's a number two driver on his team, coming back from a serious injury (you can never be 100% after a head injury; I've never seen anyone in sport come back from one and be the same) to tracks he hasn't seen in two years, yet he's still scoring podium finishes. Can Massa be better than this? Oh, definitely. But I don't think post-accident Massa in a world where he knows his place against Alonso is going to be the same Massa many of us were desperately happy for during those few seconds in Interlagos when he looked like he was a WDC...

[Quiet One 15]

Oh my goodness I don't believe it! Rio Haryanto wins for Virgin after Lewis Hamilton (Williams) ends Felipe Massa's (Toro Rosso) dominant drive with a stupid collision! Fortunately, though, Massa will still qualify for the Chase for the Sprint Cup, after being P3, behind Hermann Tilke (Penske). Danica Patrick (MyFreeCreditLoanViagraMonkey17.freewebs.co.cc Racing) wins fourth, with Jean Todt (Lada), Jean Alesi (Lada), Romain GrosJean (Lada), 2008-spec rear Jacques Villeneuve (2004-spec Ferrari), Valentino Rossi (a horse), and Bristol Palin (US F1) rounding out the points-paying positions.

Kimi Räikkönen has clinched the 2010 WDC as well, so major congratulations to him. And it's his fifth one, really, if you pretend he won in 2003 if he had won more races, and pretend he won again in 2005 if he had finished more races, and pretend he won 2009 if his teammate hadn't earned the focus of his team in addition to the one he actually won in 2007.

(Did anyone watch the race)?

I watched it.

*yawn* According to the statistics (provided by a bunch of Talmudic scholars who keep statistics on everything boring since 2,000 BC) this race had less overtaking than your average trip on the Acela Express. F1 is completely decadent since the baninng of mandatory miniskirts for drivers (oh, those saucy garters Fittipaldi used to wear!) and press conferences in pig latin.

Other useful statistics and facts:

- Tifosi's sweat average was 1.2 liters less than the average tifosi sweat for the 1950-1960 decade

- MVP (Most Valuable Petrov): Petrov.

- Kubica's nose changes: 0

- Kosher food used during podium ceremony: 0%

- Frank Williams didn't change his tires. Incident is being investigated by stewards. A final decision will be made around year 2013 (one year after expected end of the world which will be 17% less funny than previous Armaggeddon, although public attendance will be probably much higher)

(Nah, it was the most exciting Monza in years, so if you missed it I feel sorry for you )

[Pucky the Whale 0]

F1 was so much better when it was on radio instead of TV and you just made the race up in your head and therefore thought it was damned good.

I did watch part of the race. It wasn't bad, but I still hate everyone at the front of the grid just enough to be disappointed when anyone wins. The next races are Asian and Asia does not deserve any races because they are not Europe (I swear, build a Silverstone replica in Bahrain and everyone would talk about how it's the worst track ever...build Bahrain in England in 1900 and it's the greatest track known to man), so I will not watch them, and instead watch something thrilling like commercials (I hate when they try to interrupt my ads with a minute or two of American football) or competitive eating.

Or something.

Is Singapore on at "normal" Euro time (7:30 AM here)?

[Quiet One 15]

F1 was so much better when it was on radio instead of TV and you just made the race up in your head and therefore thought it was damned good.

Radio? Pffft, that's for pussies. Listen, kiddo, when I was your age you didn't get to watch the races or even listen to them on the radio. Instead, they were re enacted with shadow puppets. Then it came the new ruling replacing the hand shadows with mimes and it was downhill from there.

[Pucky the Whale 0]

Radio? Pffft, that's for pussies. Listen, kiddo, when I was your age you didn't get to watch the races or even listen to them on the radio. Instead, they were re enacted with shadow puppets. Then it came the new ruling replacing the hand shadows with mimes and it was downhill from there.

Ha! I have a graph! You're wrong!

As you can see, the best era for F1 was when they presented the races in scrambled pornography format. Boy did James Allen look good in those days.

[Quiet One 15]

Ha! I have a graph! You're wrong!

As you can see, the best era for F1 was when they presented the races in scrambled pornography format. Boy did James Allen look good in those days.

I hated that era! I recall being halfway trhough the season when I realized that what I thought was a closely fought championship I was watching instead was just a bunch of clips of a conga line with Margaret Tatcher, Vitaly Petrov Gorbachov and Michael Dukakis at the Rio de Janeiro's Carnaval. It was disappointing to find out that the guy I was cheering on was not Senna, but Dukakis. No wonder there were so few overtakings.

[Pucky the Whale 0]

I hated that era! I recall being halfway trhough the season when I realized that what I thought was a closely fought championship I was watching instead was just a bunch of clips of a conga line with Margaret Tatcher, Vitaly Petrov Gorbachov and Michael Dukakis at the Rio de Janeiro's Carnaval. It was disappointing to find out that the guy I was cheering on was not Senna, but Dukakis. No wonder there were so few overtakings.

Don't even try to tell me you wouldn't enjoy that format adapted to today's innovation and technologies! What if Margaret had ExtenZe? They didn't have that back in the 80s! Gosh, if F1 hadn't stifled innovation all this time, we'd be seeing this in Austin! (Then again, we probably still will).

[Quiet One 15]

Kimi Kimi Kimi Kimi Kimi Kimi Kimi Kimi Kimi Kimi

(10 Kimis minimum per post)

[Persevere 0]

Eric & Andres: You are the official Laurel & Hardy; how about Abbott & Costello; O.K., then the official Beavis & Butthead for TF1.

Nice work, guys.

(Eric: I believe Singapore will be broadcast at 7:30 a.m. Remember to keep the lights on, though: it's a night race.)