dribbler 6 Report post Posted May 3, 2012 [1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving. [2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee. [3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband! [4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash. [5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms. [6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent. [7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.. [8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it. [9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote. [10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. [11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. [12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me. [13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others. [14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner. [15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. [16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them. [17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss. [18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books. [19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you. [20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something [21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak! [22] Man: Is there any way for long life? Dr: Get married. Man: Will it help? Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come. [23] Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins! [24] Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do? Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes. [25] It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered. [26] There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it. [27] There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbour has it! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Argento Reloaded 1 Report post Posted May 3, 2012 Revealed truth! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kopite Girl 0 Report post Posted May 4, 2012 Funny stuff! Some old chinese proverbs: Woman who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse. People who live in glass houses should change clothes in basement. Good for girl to meet boy in park. Better for boy to park meat in girl. Man who eat prunes all day get good runs for money. It take many nails to build crib, only one screw to fill it. Crowded elevators smell different to midgets. He who drop watch in toilet have sh!tty time. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BradSpeedMan 6 Report post Posted May 4, 2012 Good for girl to meet boy in park. Better for boy to park meat in girl. Steph!!!!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grabthaw the Hammerslayer 4 Report post Posted May 4, 2012 Man with hand in pocket feel c#cky all day.... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Shadow 0 Report post Posted May 4, 2012 So many points about marriage. Is it because Bernie's tying the knot again? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Report post Posted May 4, 2012 Q: why does the bride wear white? A: don't all domestic appliances come in white? and why does my optician have small-print on the form? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kopite Girl 0 Report post Posted May 4, 2012 Q: why does the bride wear white? A: don't all domestic appliances come in white? and why does my optician have small-print on the form? I like that. Funny! Answer to the second one: so you see his glasses do work! Ahahah! Yeah, I laugh at my own jokes. I'm cool like that! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Insider 0 Report post Posted May 6, 2012 1. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. 2. For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. 3. Join The Army, visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Argento Reloaded 1 Report post Posted May 7, 2012 If i get divorced my new couple will be a man: I prefer a once a week a## break to a everyday balls break!!!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kopite Girl 0 Report post Posted May 9, 2012 1. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. 2. For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. 3. Join The Army, visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them. Last one made me laugh hard. Cheers, Sean. And as a Kopite, I fully appreciate the quote in your signature. Much respect. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Report post Posted May 9, 2012 1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones. 2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying. 3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger. 4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps. 5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator. 6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible. 7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly. 8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden. 9) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl. 10) You never know where to look when eating a banana. 11) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat. 12) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly. 13) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball. 14) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses. 15) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school. 16) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad. 17) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity. 18) Some days you see lots of people on crutches. 19) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush. 20) Old women with mobile phones look wrong! 21) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee. 22) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited. 23) You never ever run out of salt. 24) Old ladies can eat more than you think. 25) You can't respect a man who carries a dog. 26) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something. 27) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers. 28) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan. 29) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug. 30) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard 31) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with. 32) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose. 33) Bricks are horrible to carry. 34) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Report post Posted May 9, 2012 1. Porn and cats are overrepresented on the internet 2. Pizza is overwhelmingly the most popular thing people throw up. 3. Fat people, tourists and golfers always wear tucked in golf shirts. 4. Newspapers are failing, yet their idea of promotion remains giving away week long subscriptions 5. Some of the worst writers anywhere, studied English Lit. 6. When you have 10 channels, you can always find something to watch. When you have 500, you complain there’s nothing on. 7. Flight deals continue to be reported without taxes included, even though everyone hates this. 8. Waiting for an ATM is much more frustrating than waiting for a bus. 9. People take too much time deciding where to sit in movie theaters, when it really doesn’t matter unless someone really tall sits in front of you. 10. People who write ‘Epic fail’ blog comments, have an IQ of 73. 11. Baseball caps and sandals are almost uniformly ugly, yet there’s not a single person who doesn’t own one or the other. 12. Ring tones ruin every song. 13. On panel discussion shows, someone always says “It’s important to remember, they’re not a monolithic group” 14. If you make fun of a Sh#tty band from the 70s, someone who stopped listening to music in 1989 will complain. 15. If someone really really liked the movie Titanic, they’re probably not worth having as a friend. 16. The more famous the guest, the duller the interview 17. The people most likely to complain about the government, tend to have a mustache, a beer gut and a home with a garage. 18. Police officers always ask you questions you both know the answer to. 19. Government workers and transit employees move very slowly. 20. 6 O’clock newscasts always do segments on how nice the weather was, despite everyone knowing this. 21. People always think their birthday/anniversary lottery numbers have a better chance at winning than randomly generated ones. 22. People frequently smile for no reason when they’re walking up and down the aisles on a flight. 23. Bluetooth headsets look completely moronic. 24. All light beers are awful. 25. Never befriend anyone who uses a calculator to determine tips. 26. At the gym, there’s always someone who nonchalantly walks around naked. 27. You should only have to thank someone for holding a door for you, if they allow you to pass through first or if you’re carrying something. 28. Good music was made (and continues to be made) in every decade and people who claim otherwise, tend to have stopped listening to music in whatever decade they say was the best. 29. It’s virtually impossible not to know somebody who plays the guitar 30. Leaning on your horn longer than 3 seconds is indicative of psychopathy. 31. Pharmacies are always too brightly lit. 32. Anything described as the ‘feel-good movie of the year’, is crap. 33. People who work at polling stations are always happy, voters always miserable. 34. The people most fearful of crime in big cities, don’t live in big cities. 35. Tipping when you get a pick-up order at a restaurant, is confusing. 36. Two key indicators of whether a neighborhood is Sh#t: a) a cash advance/pay day loan outlet an all-night coffee shop 37. People who advocate raising the minimum wage, are treated like Trotskyites. 38. People who can’t enjoy the occasional beer or a glass of wine, don’t enjoy life. 39. Economists always have pattern baldness 40. People who eat at hotel restaurants, don’t deserve to visit other countries. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Report post Posted May 9, 2012 1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. 3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. 4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. 5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? 6. Was learning cursive really necessary? 7. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. 8. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. 9. Bad decisions make good stories. 10. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. 11. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection ... again. 12. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to. 13. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -ever. 14. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away? 15. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste. 16. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. 17. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. 18. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid " routing option. 19. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it. 20. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in. 21. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. 22. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said? 23. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a roadhog from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters! 24. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Trousers? Trousers never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. 25. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year? 26. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far. 27. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists. 28. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. 29. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my behind everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BradSpeedMan 6 Report post Posted May 9, 2012 Where on the internet do you get these DPR? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freaky2 1 Report post Posted May 9, 2012 I don't know where, but they're so true... written by someone in England, if I may guess? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
HandyNZL 1 Report post Posted May 10, 2012 Nah, it's all BS...for starters, baseball caps are cool. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jean Todt 4 Report post Posted May 14, 2012 [ [25] It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered. I am stealing this Steve. This is gold. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
goferrarigo 0 Report post Posted May 15, 2012 Nice One Steve... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pabloh20 1 Report post Posted May 16, 2012 Nice One Steve... Great to see you back! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dribbler 6 Report post Posted May 16, 2012 Great to see you back! Indeed! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites