cavallino

Fernando Alonso Tribute Thread: An Ode To A Once Fairly Good Driver

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Well usually tributes wait till retirement, but with Fernando it is clear he will never win another championship and his best days are behind him. For a change, lets do a tribute when he still near the top of his game, where his skills have just faded enough for him to be embarrassed three years in a row by Herr Schumacher's heir, but haven't quite hit the ludicrous depths that he will touch in the coming years. When he finished a creditable second (again) in a championship, pulling an Irvine by losing the championship in the final race despite his teammate driving far better than him all race and in the end virtually pulling over for him to go past. It is clear from this season, where he blew the championship through numerous unforced errors, that his best is behind him, and his best was never good enough to beat Vettel in his prime anyway. IT was embarrassing to watch him potter around today, making mistakes and driving off track, having to ask Massa to stop on track and twiddle his fingers waiting for a while until he managed to catch up. Wet races bring out the best in driving ability, and it was painfully obvious that Fernando isn't even in the top 5 best wet race drivers on track.

Unlike Jenson Button, Alonso unfortunately has never had the IQ to make up for his lack of pace or racecraft. What he did have was a d#ck-Dastardly-like ability to get away with anything, and a dictator like charisma to inspire his team by making them believe that he has supernatural powers. Thus, it wasn't hard to convince Nelson Piquet that it was god who put Justin Bieber on repeat on his pit-to-car radio, forcing him to crash to escape the agony. So let's all have a drink, to Fernando, you were sort of good once, when Schumacher was past his best and Vettel was still a virgin, and being two seconds faster than Fisichella was good enough to win championships, when Ferrari actually imagined you were good enough to lead the team to the point that they let your grandma drive the second car (skillfully disguised as Felipe Massa, who tragically died from a head injury in 2009). Ferrari totally believed that they didn't need Adrian Newey when they had you and your six tenths.

You were going to be the driver who would overtake Schumacher's record of 7 championships. Alas, that was not to be. As you potter around in a red car, and then for a few more years in cars with increasingly unattractive paint schemes, we will remember that you once overtook Schumacher around 130R. However, this year you crashed out on the first lap from your very own mistake while you were leading the championship, and you haven't hit rock bottom yet. We will remember that once you managed to convince people that you don't make mistakes, but I think the wool is being pulled from Ferrari's eyes as we speak.

This is the last chance to celebrate your better drives, which allow us to gloss over the c#ck ups that cost you three championships you really should have won. Sadly, there will be no such highs in the coming years as you will be routinely embarrassed by your teammate as Ferrari will soon put a real Formula 1 driver in the other Ferrari - this is perhaps not the best time, but I have to inform you that Ferrari have rejected your offer to let your one-legged nephew Felix drive the other Ferrari. They didn't quite buy the argument that since Senna's nephew is good enough for F1 and you're better than Senna, your nephew is the best they can do. Nor did they give much attention to your stories of how he will be good as he is used to being behind you, tied to the back of your tricycle usually when you were young I have heard.

This would be a good time to start sucking up to some sponsors, though I heard the Spanish economy isn't doing that well. I have heard that HRT will have a vacancy or two soon, and they would be ok with your dog driving the other car if he comes with sponsorship money. Or you could just buy the team with the money Ferrari have paid you in the hope that if they pay you as much as they paid Schumacher, you will be as good and win as many championships. Then you just need to pick a teammate who has driven in F1 before and is agreeable to driving two seconds slower than whatever you can manage - chap called De La Rosa I heard has been looking for a drive, does not need to be paid, and will do your gardening as a bonus. That way, your fans will be spared the trauma of watcihng your spiralling decline as they can always blame it on the fact that your car was not good enough because nothing else would explain the fact that your teammate is way slower.

Or you can do the right thing Fernando. Retire now. You're 31 and your skills, even as they are, will inexorably decline. Vettel is at his peak, a mere 25, and was a better driver than you from before he discovered masturbation. Some as cerebrally challenged as you can't pull off a Button either. You'll be a curly haired disappointment to a nation that's already going through a lot. On the bright side, you managed to convince the whole world and the press that you're better than you actually are. Getting away with cheating without a whiff of scandal was also incredible, you pulled off the caper of a lifetime by feigning innocence of the Piquet crash scheme. You can be proud.

I am glad to see you take your defeat gracefully, acknowledging your mistakes by saying ""The championship was lost when Vettel surprisingly only got a reprimand after qualifying in Japan." Indeed Mr. Alonso. And the championship was nearly won when Nico Hulkenberg received a ridiculous penalty, which may have ended the career of a talented driver about to achieve a career-saving podium finish, but well that's collateral damage, just the way Piquet was. So much for the best laid plans...

Edited by cavallino

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HAHAHAHAHA, let me join you in the the now annually Alonso-bashing thread when he once more failed in his attempt to resurrect the Ferrari golden years. Let it continue!

There couldnt be more of poetic justice after they shoved Kimi aside. Luca and Stefano, I congratulate you....WELL DESERVED!

Edited by BradSpeedMan

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:lol: Welcome back, Cav. That's great, though I don't really agree with it.

In creating his legacy, Vettel, like Schumacher, has a chance to leave a generation of drivers who otherwise would have been champions as unfulfilled. Everything Vettel is doing, the British media said Hamilton would. Everything Vettel is doing, I recall thinking Alonso would when he joined McLaren.

Take Michael's runner-ups from 2000-2004 and you're in a world where Häkkinen has three, Räikkönen has two, Barrichello has two, and Coulthard has one. Exact science? No. Pointless? Sure; I just wanted to imagine the look on the BBC presenter's face if he'd have to introduce him has "World Champion David Coulthard" every broadcast.

It's an era where the best car is barely better than the second and third and fourth best cars (and the order moves around), which makes the titles just so impressive for Vettel. I don't think Alonso's losses negate winning the majority of his Grands Prix from a position other than pole, though, and before the Ferrari caught up to him a bit, it was pretty obvious how good he still is at the start of this year.

I do find it interesting that one advantage Alonso had this year was his ability to turn poor circumstances into good results. Vettel showed today and in Abu Dhabi that he has that same ability.

I see it as a credit to Vettel that he beat Alonso, not a discredit to Alonso for losing to Vettel. If you opt for the latter, you're also discrediting Vettel's accomplishment by saying his competition isn't on the top of his game...

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:lol: Welcome back, Cav. That's great, though I don't really agree with it.

In creating his legacy, Vettel, like Schumacher, has a chance to leave a generation of drivers who otherwise would have been champions as unfulfilled. Everything Vettel is doing, the British media said Hamilton would. Everything Vettel is doing, I recall thinking Alonso would when he joined McLaren.

Take Michael's runner-ups from 2000-2004 and you're in a world where Häkkinen has three, Räikkönen has two, Barrichello has two, and Coulthard has one. Exact science? No. Pointless? Sure; I just wanted to imagine the look on the BBC presenter's face if he'd have to introduce him has "World Champion David Coulthard" every broadcast.

It's an era where the best car is barely better than the second and third and fourth best cars (and the order moves around), which makes the titles just so impressive for Vettel. I don't think Alonso's losses negate winning the majority of his Grands Prix from a position other than pole, though, and before the Ferrari caught up to him a bit, it was pretty obvious how good he still is at the start of this year.

I do find it interesting that one advantage Alonso had this year was his ability to turn poor circumstances into good results. Vettel showed today and in Abu Dhabi that he has that same ability.

I see it as a credit to Vettel that he beat Alonso, not a discredit to Alonso for losing to Vettel. If you opt for the latter, you're also discrediting Vettel's accomplishment by saying his competition isn't on the top of his game...

This unforfortunately isn't the thread and place for good reasoning! This is the Alonso bashing thread, anything said goes!

LOL!

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Fine, then.

Alonso's days of winning are over. He will never once again be declared the victor of F1's coveted World Eyebrows Championship.

esteban.jpg

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Fine, then.

Alonso's days of winning are over. He will never once again be declared the victor of F1's coveted World Eyebrows Championship.

esteban.jpg

LOL

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Championships, Bah ! I'd like to see someone on the grid challenge nando's face fungus (I do think Rosberg has the genes, remember his dads 'stache ? The son is too metrosexual tho) :

Pirate.png

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Championships, Bah ! I'd like to see someone on the grid challenge nando's face fungus (I do think Rosberg has the genes, remember his dads 'stache ? The son is too metrosexual tho) :

Pirate.png

Where on earth did u manage to find THAT pic?

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Well usually tributes wait till retirement, but with Fernando it is clear he will never win another championship and his best days are behind him.

Childish flame bait.

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The opening post is like slow boiling kettle full of dog sick.

The kettle will be rinsed out and put back in its box for another year or two, whilst the civilised amongst us sip on cups of more palletable beverages.

Welcome back/ please go away/ no, don't leave (delete as desired).

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What a sad posting,

It must have been frustration emanating from the the sight of your once beloved Schumacher pulling aside and rolling out the red carpet to let Vettel pass on lap 62 that must have led you to starting this post. Really, that is what I call ending a brilliant comeback in a high note. Is that what Schumacher came back for? Definitely, I do not know what else he will be remembered for over this past three years.

What it makes me wonder is what on earth makes Schumacher so obviously take sides for Vettel in this story? Can it be resentment for that 130R pass that you mention? Or maybe it is the fact that Alonso is the only driver to easily beat Schumacher on equal machinery and put an end to 7 world championships, sending him home, where by the way he should have stayed for the past three years? What a pathetic revenge but nothing else to be expected from such a sour looser. Right up there with his superior parking skills in the tight corners of Rascasse…

And by the way, for you to mention Massa’s favors to Alonso over the past few races, but fail to even notice the fact that Red Bull actually raced three cars in support of Vettel in Abu Dhabi and yesterday, is probably an indication that you had your head way too high in your own rear to actually watch any racing and that you were only waiting for Alonso to loose take a cheap shoot at him...

Tell me, had you written all that before the race started? Did you bother to actually watch this or, now that you mention it, any of other races in the rain this past year?

Enough said. Too much time wasted with you.

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Enough said. Too much time wasted with you.

Yep. Don't waste your time replying to the internet psychos. He'll be masturbating with Schumikonen while reading your post.

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The opening post is like slow boiling kettle full of dog sick.

The kettle will be rinsed out and put back in its box for another year or two, whilst the civilised amongst us sip on cups of more palletable beverages.

Welcome back/ please go away/ no, don't leave (delete as desired).

Not going to take the responsibility for raising the tone my friend. I pop by occasionally to see if anything interesting is brewing in these parts. No luck so far.

Crying shame actually. The racing yesterday was probably the most incredible I have seen in a long long time, and none of that DRS assisted Sh#t. Would have spawned about ten fascinating threads in the good old days.

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Yep. Don't waste your time replying to the internet psychos. He'll be masturbating with Schumikonen while reading your post.

And you're sad because you couldn't do it watching Alonso celebrating the championship, now I am happy with yesterday's result and not even your bitter comments can change that so go ahead, please, keep showing how winded up you are.

Edited by Schumikonen

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Nothing wrong with a bit of spleen venting. I disagree with every word, but thoroughly enjoyed the read. Thanks, Cav.

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...keep showing how winded up you are.

Winded up? Orgasm after orgasm winding up people, that's a truly internet psycho in action. You are unable to wind up anybody. I call a spade a spade and it won't change even if you get a futile pleasure with it.

You're a classless piece of crap that will disappear together with your other pathetic friend before Alonso has won his next race. This season's been a tough one for you both so enjoy your moment.

Please, clean the keyboard and screen afterwards. Thank you!

Edited by AleHop

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Winded up? Orgasm after orgasm winding up people. You are unable to wind up anybody. I call a spade a spade and it won't change even if you get a futile pleasure with it.

You're a classless piece of crap that will disappear together with your other pathetic friend before Alonso has won his next race. This season's been a tough one for you both so enjoy your moment.

Please, clean the keyboard and screen afterwards. Thank you!

I thought you said "Yep. Don't waste your time replying to the internet psychos."

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And just so you know this have been a very good season for me and the driver I root for, so I don't know what you mean tough maybe the defeat left you delusional.

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Oh well, let's join the fun! Hmmmm, after reading the first post again I realize it's not such a badly crafted piece of "work" after all. I would sum it up by saying written with a sublime mix of smoky undertone with BIG chunks of truth attached to it.

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Oh well, let's join the fun! Hmmmm, after reading the first post again I realize it's not such a badly crafted piece of "work" after all. I would sum it up by saying written with a sublime mix of smoky undertone with BIG chunks of truth attached to it.

That's why some guys around here are p**sed off...

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