suomenpankki 0 Report post Posted September 12, 2006 Headlines From Year 2029 Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world; Mexifornia, formerly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language. Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped. Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the AmericanTerritory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon). Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels. France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Cheney's daughter has banned all smoking. George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036. Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only. 85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss. Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs. Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative. Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights. Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches. New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036. Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts. IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent. Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bajo39 0 Report post Posted September 12, 2006 Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AutoRacer5 0 Report post Posted September 12, 2006 Weird News Headline: Tornado hits cemetary. Thousands Dead. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ecapdeville 0 Report post Posted September 13, 2006 Weird News Headline:Tornado hits cemetary. Thousands Dead. Headlines From Year 2029 Mexifornia, formerly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language. Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AutoRacer5 0 Report post Posted September 28, 2006 What is a muslim's favorite food? Meccaroni and cheese! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mock 0 Report post Posted September 29, 2006 I challenge any one on this forum to beat this one............... Sato penalised 10 places on the grid for a SA engine blowout Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
goferrarigo 0 Report post Posted October 1, 2006 this is one of the best jjokes i have read ever: WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?" HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?" HUSBAND: "Of course I do." WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again." WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)." HUSBAND: (makes audible groan). WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?" WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?" HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do." WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?" HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed." WIFE: - - - silence - - - HUSBAND: "****." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LabradoRacer 2 Report post Posted June 12, 2008 So this couple want to fcuk real bad. It's night & there's a power cut. Not willing to let darkness get in the way they grope(!) their way & have a fcuk fest. Next morning, the wife's nose is all swollen. Husband asks "WTF happened?" Wife replies "You fcuked my nose in the dark." Husband asks "Why didn't you tell me to stop it?" Wife replies " How could I ? Your balls were in my mouth." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hookedon-f1 0 Report post Posted June 12, 2008 An elderly couple had been dating for some time. Finally they decided it might be time for marriage. But before tying the knot, they went out for a heart to heart talk over dinner about whether it would really work out. The ydiscussed finances, living arrangements, snoring and so on.Finally the gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. " How would you feel about s e x? " he asked, rather trustingly. "well" she said, responding very carefully, " I'd have to say I would like it infrequently." The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment. Then looking over his glasses, he casually asked, " Was that one word or two?" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LabradoRacer 2 Report post Posted June 12, 2008 An elderly couple had been dating for some time. Finally they decided it might be time for marriage.But before tying the knot, they went out for a heart to heart talk over dinner about whether it would really work out. The ydiscussed finances, living arrangements, snoring and so on.Finally the gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. " How would you feel about s e x? " he asked, rather trustingly. "well" she said, responding very carefully, " I'd have to say I would like it infrequently." The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment. Then looking over his glasses, he casually asked, " Was that one word or two?" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hookedon-f1 0 Report post Posted June 12, 2008 Fruitcake 1 cup water 1 cup sugar 4 large eggs 2 cup dried fruit 1 teaspoon baking soda 1 teaspoon salt 1 cup brown sugar lemon juice nuts 1 gallon whiskey Sample whiskey to check for quality Take a large bowl Check the whiskey again to be sure it is of the highest quality pour 1 level cup and drink repeat turn on the electric mixer, beat 1 cup butter in a large fluffy bowl add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again make sure the whiskey is still ok. cry another tup turn off the mixer Break two legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit mix on the turner if the fruit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewsciver sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity next sift two cups of salt or something. who cares. check the whiskey now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts add one table. spoon. of sugar or something. whatever you can find. grease the oven. turn the cake tin 350 degrees. don't forget to beat the turner. throw the bowl out the window. check the whiskey, go to bed. Who the **** likes fruitcake anyway hee hee Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ash1 0 Report post Posted June 12, 2008 Lewis Hamilton. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AutoRacer5 0 Report post Posted June 12, 2008 Women Drivers. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AleHop 0 Report post Posted June 12, 2008 Lewis Hamilton. There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don't. I still don't get that joke, seriously. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hookedon-f1 0 Report post Posted June 12, 2008 There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don't. I still don't get that joke, seriously. hahahaha - nice!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pabloh20 1 Report post Posted June 12, 2008 There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don't. I still don't get that joke, seriously. Good one, Shaggy! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AleHop 0 Report post Posted June 12, 2008 Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LabradoRacer 2 Report post Posted June 12, 2008 Pretty good ones there Pale Ho, sorry AleHop. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dribbler 6 Report post Posted June 12, 2008 I put so much petrol in my car this morning, i couldn't get in it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LabradoRacer 2 Report post Posted June 12, 2008 I put so much petrol in my car this morning, i couldn't get in it. This reminds me of a joke that went around in my childhood - 3 boys are arguing about whose parents are the craziest about cars. Boy #1 - When my parents have sex, dad presses mum's jugs like they are horns & goes "honk honk" Boy #2 - That's nothing. When my parents have sex, mum treats dad's dong like it's a gear shift stick. Boy #3 - Big deal. When my parents have sex, dad puts his johnson in mum's vag & says "1 litre filled, 2 litres filled....." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AleHop 0 Report post Posted June 12, 2008 Mind you this thread says 'Best Joke Ever ' Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LabradoRacer 2 Report post Posted June 12, 2008 Mind you this thread says 'Best Joke Ever ' Well, unless I post crude jokes, your jokes won't appear the best of the lot. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AleHop 0 Report post Posted June 12, 2008 Well, unless I post crude jokes, your jokes won't appear the best of the lot. It was for dribbler, but then I read yours and was not too sure... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LabradoRacer 2 Report post Posted June 12, 2008 It was for dribbler, but then I read yours and was not too sure... Comedy of errors is always fun! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Minchia! 0 Report post Posted June 12, 2008 A man is sitting at a bar enjoying a beer. An obviously intoxicated man sitting next to him angrily shoves him and yells: "Last night, I fvcked yer mother! What are you going to do about it?!" The whole bar gets quiet and expects a fight to break out, but the first man just rolls his eyes and ignores him. The drunk man shoves him even harder and screams: "Did you hear me??!!! I said - Last night I fvcked yer mother and I'm gonna do it again tonight!!" The other man sighs and says: "Dad, go home - you're drunk." <<Polish Joke Warning>> Did you hear about the Polish terrorists? They tried to blow up a bus but they burned their lips on the exhaust pipes. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites