lechilka26

Best Joke Ever ;)

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A racist joke, no offence to Piotr:

Anc Irishman, an Englishman & a Scottishman are on a train & have to throw something out. The Englishman threw tea out because there's too much tea in England, the Scottishman throws a kilt out because there's too many in Scotland then the Irishman throws a Polish guy out because there's too many Polish people live in Ireland!

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So this man's driving a bicycle (y'know the 2 wheeled contraption just like a motorcycle, but without the motor, pollution, sound. Well, the only sound is your wheezing.) Well, as he rides along, he sees a hot babe thumbing a lift. He stops, says to her, "Sure, be seated in front." When the babe sees her destination, she gets off. (as in disembark from the bicycle). Then she realises that the man was riding a ladies' bicycle.

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A racist joke, no offence to Piotr:

Two Poles emigrated to America. On their first day in New York City, they spotted a hot dog vendor in the street. "Do they eat dogs in America?" one asked the other. "I dunno." "Well, we're going to live here, so we might as well learn to do as they do." So they each bought a hot dog wrapped up and sat down to eat them on a nearby park bench. One Pole looked at his hot dog, then over at the other Pole and asked, "What part did you get?"

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A maid ask the hosewife for a salary increment.

HW: Why?

Maid: for 3 reasons

HW: What?

Maid: 1 I iron the clothes better than you!

HW: Who says that?

Maid: your husband!

HW: the second?

Maid: I cook better than you!

HW: Who says that?

Maid: your husband!

HW: and the third?

Maid: I make love better than you!

HW: -Very angry- And who the hell says that?

Maid: the gardener!

HW: ... how much do you want?

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A maid ask the hosewife for a salary increment.

HW: Why?

Maid: for 3 reasons

HW: What?

Maid: 1 I iron the clothes better than you!

HW: Who says that?

Maid: your husband!

HW: the second?

Maid: I cook better than you!

HW: Who says that?

Maid: your husband!

HW: and the third?

Maid: I make love better than you!

HW: -Very angry- And who the hell says that?

Maid: the gardener!

HW: ... how much do you want?

:lol:

By the way, are you related to the beautiful Asia Argento?

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A racist joke, no offence to Piotr:

Two Poles emigrated to America. On their first day in New York City, they spotted a hot dog vendor in the street. "Do they eat dogs in America?" one asked the other. "I dunno." "Well, we're going to live here, so we might as well learn to do as they do." So they each bought a hot dog wrapped up and sat down to eat them on a nearby park bench. One Pole looked at his hot dog, then over at the other Pole and asked, "What part did you get?"

:lol: This is a good one.

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A maid ask the hosewife for a salary increment.

HW: Why?

Maid: for 3 reasons

HW: What?

Maid: 1 I iron the clothes better than you!

HW: Who says that?

Maid: your husband!

HW: the second?

Maid: I cook better than you!

HW: Who says that?

Maid: your husband!

HW: and the third?

Maid: I make love better than you!

HW: -Very angry- And who the hell says that?

Maid: the gardener!

HW: ... how much do you want?

:lol: this one is good too

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A maid ask the hosewife for a salary increment.

HW: Why?

Maid: for 3 reasons

HW: What?

Maid: 1 I iron the clothes better than you!

HW: Who says that?

Maid: your husband!

HW: the second?

Maid: I cook better than you!

HW: Who says that?

Maid: your husband!

HW: and the third?

Maid: I make love better than you!

HW: -Very angry- And who the hell says that?

Maid: the gardener!

HW: ... how much do you want?

Gold! :lol:

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That reminds me of a joke, a bit tangent one though.

So this MILF ejects a new baby fom her vag & sure 'nuff a few months later she starts breastfeeding her newest child. As it happens, she's got an older son, 12 years old (or any horny tween/teen age). He gets excited by the sight of her pillows, and begs to be breastfed just like his new brother. The MILF explodes, "Bugger off, you don't need no milk no more. It's only for my new baby." Angered at being denied a chance to emulate Oedipus, our horny kid decides to take revenge by icing his kid bro. So in the dead of the night, when the woman's asleep, he applies poison on her lovely tits. The next day, his dad is found dead.

His mother lay to him...

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If, like some shrink-loving mortals, God suffers from severe lack of self-belief, does it mean God's an atheist?

If a woman's named Raquel, does it mean she has great sweater kittens?

2 heads are better than 1. Which explains why men are more intelligent than women.

I saw a babe wearing a T-shirt with 'GUESS' scrawled across it. So I went up to her & said, "Breasts, right?"

1 person likes this

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A bit late in the day, but here it goes. On 26/11, '08, in Mumbai, India, terrorists gunned down about 200, including 50 at the railway station. Well, the terrorist who was caught alive, was booked, among other things, for ticketless travel. Beat that if you can. Actually, the best joke would be 3 words: "Indian Legal System".

Edited by LabradoRacer

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Every man history:

starry-eyed at the beautiful women;

surprised by the clever one;

and finally stayed with the one -and only mostly of the times- who payed attention to us... :(

We all near 50 are millonaires! why? we have

silver in our hair

gold in our teeth

precious stones in our kidneys

sugar in our blood

lead in our feet

iron in our joints

and an inexhaustible source of natural gas

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A Bar,

Duck: "Landlord, can I have some bread please?"

Landlord: "No, I don't have any bread"

Duck: "Oh, can I have some bread then?"

Landlord: "No, I just told you, we don't have any bread"

Duck: Okay, can I have some bread then?"

Landlord: "Listen, idiot, the next time you ask me for bread, I'm going to nail your beak to the bar"

Duck: "Oh, you have nails then?"

Landlord: "No"

Duck: "Can I have some bread?"

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This is dirty, so I hope it doesn't get censored!

A homeless guy felt a need for some female company, so he went to a nearby brothel and asked for a Madam. He told her his predicament but also confessed he had no money. However, he offered a wager - if he could tell how many tricks did a beautiful Suzie turned that evening, he'll have his way with her upstairs. If he could not, he'd work for free for a week. Madam thought about it for a while, but since the only way to tell how many tricks did any of the girls turn, and only SHE had an access to the black book, she felt it was a safe bet. The guy only asked to be let into Suzie's room for 5 minutes. Madam agreed. Five minutes later the guy comes downnstairs and tells madam :"sixteen!." A brief consultation of the black book confirmed the number of Suzie's customers, and the guy got his wish. The next morning The Madam stopped him at the door and asked him : " How did you do it? Only I know how many customers visit my girls?" The guy answered: " Oh, it was easy! I just went to Suzie's room, drank her douche water and counted the lumps!!!"

[feel free to gag. I did the first time I heard this joke]

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Oh, and thanks for the Polish jokes - they were funny, but all you Brits, be careful! If you offend Poles as a nation, who's going to fix your plumbing and where will you find enough football players to even HAVE a league??? That idiot bald football referee who gave a tie to Austrians ALMOST spoiled it for you and caused an international incident!!!

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This is dirty, so I hope it doesn't get censored!

A homeless guy felt a need for some female company, so he went to a nearby brothel and asked for a Madam. He told her his predicament but also confessed he had no money. However, he offered a wager - if he could tell how many tricks did a beautiful Suzie turned that evening, he'll have his way with her upstairs. If he could not, he'd work for free for a week. Madam thought about it for a while, but since the only way to tell how many tricks did any of the girls turn, and only SHE had an access to the black book, she felt it was a safe bet. The guy only asked to be let into Suzie's room for 5 minutes. Madam agreed. Five minutes later the guy comes downnstairs and tells madam :"sixteen!." A brief consultation of the black book confirmed the number of Suzie's customers, and the guy got his wish. The next morning The Madam stopped him at the door and asked him : " How did you do it? Only I know how many customers visit my girls?" The guy answered: " Oh, it was easy! I just went to Suzie's room, drank her douche water and counted the lumps!!!"

[feel free to gag. I did the first time I heard this joke]

How does the number of turd lumps decide the number of men? Or are the lumps actually foetuses? (I don't know if the douche water was from her front or rear)

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