lechilka26

Best Joke Ever ;)

431 posts in this topic


A choirboy enters confession after mass one day.

'Bless me father I have sinned.'

The priest asks 'Is that you Tommy O'Docherty. What is it a choirboy could possibly have done?'

Tommy answers 'Well father, I did the naughty thing with a girl my age. I'm no longer a virgin, father.'

The priest looks shocked. 'Was it Mary Donelly?'

'No father.'

'Lucy O'Bannon?'

'No father.'

'Evie Patrick?'

'No father.'

'Ok, your penance is you can no longer be a choirboy for the next three months. Go away think about what you've done young Tommy.' says the priest, sadly.

Tommy walks away to his friend who asked him what he got.

'Three good leads and three months off.'

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Edit - double post. Sorry!

Edited by Girl Racer

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A choirboy enters confession after mass one day.

'Bless me father I have sinned.'

The priest asks 'Is that you Tommy O'Docherty. What is it a choirboy could possibly have done?'

Tommy answers 'Well father, I did the naughty thing with a girl my age. I'm no longer a virgin, father.'

The priest looks shocked. 'Was it Mary Donelly?'

'No father.'

'Lucy O'Bannon?'

'No father.'

'Evie Patrick?'

'No father.'

'Ok, your penance is you can no longer be a choirboy for the next three months. Go away think about what you've done young Tommy.' says the priest, sadly.

Tommy walks away to his friend who asked him what he got.

'Three good leads and three months off.'

:lol:

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Anyone ever hear a deaf girl orgasm?

Neither has she.

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Are you kidding about or are you serious? :-o

I'll NEVER tell!

ph34r.gifnaughty.gif

(What do YOU think??)cool.gif

Edited by Piotr

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Nah, he's kidding, he supports Kubica, that's disgusting and perverted.... smile.gif

(ONLY JOKING PIOTR!!!)

Welll... at least I didn't snuggle to him to have a picture taken. AND I've never kissed Herr Doktorrr Mario (unlike SOME members of this site, KATI...)

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a young has a extreme painful migraine all day for several days, he decides to go to the doctor after a ton of exams and tests, the doctor said I have 2 news to you 1 good and 1 bad, the good one is we know what is causing you head ache, but the bad news is your testicles are pressing the base of your spine thats the cause of your constant head ache, we need to castrate you or you will live all your live with the pain. so he decide to have the operation done and after he is free to leave the hospital feel a little bad and decide to go buy a suit to cheer things a little. go to a men clothes stores and told the salesmen he need a new suit, the salesman said ohhh you are a 46 large, and the pants are 36 right?, the guy astonished said yes perfect how do you know? the salesman respond is my job!, try the suit and fits like a glove so he decide to buy a shirt, the salesman said you are 42 normal with a sleeve of 14 and a neck of 8 3/4 the man said wow how do you know my exact measures, and the salesman said is my job to know those things. so the man decide to buy a pair of shoes the salesman said 10.5 double E, the man said wow thats amazing how do you know all that and the salesman humble said is my job the man try everything and fit perfectly. finally decide to buy underwear the salesman said you use a 36 brief, then the man said Nop thats wrong I always use 34. the salesman said thats no possible because if you use a 34 brief then your testicles will press your spine creating a severe head ache.....

Sorry for the English

Mario

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a young has a extreme painful migraine all day for several days, he decides to go to the doctor after a ton of exams and tests, the doctor said I have 2 news to you 1 good and 1 bad, the good one is we know what is causing you head ache, but the bad news is your testicles are pressing the base of your spine thats the cause of your constant head ache, we need to castrate you or you will live all your live with the pain. so he decide to have the operation done and after he is free to leave the hospital feel a little bad and decide to go buy a suit to cheer things a little. go to a men clothes stores and told the salesmen he need a new suit, the salesman said ohhh you are a 46 large, and the pants are 36 right?, the guy astonished said yes perfect how do you know? the salesman respond is my job!, try the suit and fits like a glove so he decide to buy a shirt, the salesman said you are 42 normal with a sleeve of 14 and a neck of 8 3/4 the man said wow how do you know my exact measures, and the salesman said is my job to know those things. so the man decide to buy a pair of shoes the salesman said 10.5 double E, the man said wow thats amazing how do you know all that and the salesman humble said is my job the man try everything and fit perfectly. finally decide to buy underwear the salesman said you use a 36 brief, then the man said Nop thats wrong I always use 34. the salesman said thats no possible because if you use a 34 brief then your testicles will press your spine creating a severe head ache.....

Sorry for the English

Mario

:lol: Love it! :D

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a young has a extreme painful migraine all day for several days, he decides to go to the doctor after a ton of exams and tests, the doctor said I have 2 news to you 1 good and 1 bad, the good one is we know what is causing you head ache, but the bad news is your testicles are pressing the base of your spine thats the cause of your constant head ache, we need to castrate you or you will live all your live with the pain. so he decide to have the operation done and after he is free to leave the hospital feel a little bad and decide to go buy a suit to cheer things a little. go to a men clothes stores and told the salesmen he need a new suit, the salesman said ohhh you are a 46 large, and the pants are 36 right?, the guy astonished said yes perfect how do you know? the salesman respond is my job!, try the suit and fits like a glove so he decide to buy a shirt, the salesman said you are 42 normal with a sleeve of 14 and a neck of 8 3/4 the man said wow how do you know my exact measures, and the salesman said is my job to know those things. so the man decide to buy a pair of shoes the salesman said 10.5 double E, the man said wow thats amazing how do you know all that and the salesman humble said is my job the man try everything and fit perfectly. finally decide to buy underwear the salesman said you use a 36 brief, then the man said Nop thats wrong I always use 34. the salesman said thats no possible because if you use a 34 brief then your testicles will press your spine creating a severe head ache.....

Sorry for the English

Mario

:clap3:

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- Hey, John do you like threesomes?

- Yes, of course

- Hurry up home, your wife is starting without you!

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a young has a extreme painful migraine...................severe head ache.....

Sorry for the English

Mario

:lol: Brilliant!

Cheating a bit, not a joke but a funny scribe from thedailymash.........

MEAT-EATERS TO FINALLY BE TREATED LIKE SMOKERS

MEAT-eaters are, at long last, to be treated like smokers, it has been confirmed.

Lord Stern, author of the UK government climate change report How Come You're Not Dead Yet?, said meat-eating must join alcohol and tobacco on the anti-social behaviour register and called for a massive increase in funding to make you feel like an utter Sh#t, even in your dreams.

In advance of the Copenhagen summit on climate change he claimed that too many people had failed to grasp the implications of global warming and insisted that anyone who had cottage pie last night should be fired from their job, locked in a trunk and chemically sterilised to prevent them from corrupting as yet unborn vegetarians.

He added: "The thing about meat-eating is it uses up a huge amount of meat. This is meat that could be used to make wind turbines." [my note: the article uses a picture of three cows as the blades on a wind turbine]

Meanwhile a group of environmental charities has already commissioned a series of television adverts designed to educate the public about how meat-eating kills polar bears, especially if you then intend to eat them like some kind of Eskimo.

In one film a parent is seen lifting a ham sandwich to his mouth. As it nears his lips his child starts crying hysterically. When the parent moves the sandwich away from his mouth the child stops crying immediately.

The parent then moves the sandwich back and forth as the child cries and then stops crying in perfect synchronisation. The parent then looks into the camera, smiles knowingly and throws the sandwich in the bin.

And in another advert a child is shown being slowly roasted on a spit alongside the caption 'Oi! meat-eaters! Why don't you just eat your ****ing kid?'.

Tom Logan, a pork enjoyer from Hatfield, said: "I am amazed it has taken this long."

Edited by medilloni

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This one time, I had withdrawn money from the ATM & had overfed my otherwise anorexic wallet. As I was walking along, trying to hard to do so in a straight line, (the crowds here make it impossible even for a sober guy to walk more than a few feet in a straight line) the inevitable happened. A woman walking ahead of me, & whose arms were flailing all over the place, made contact with my bulging wallet. She turned around with a disgusted scream. She looked at me with such disgust & hate, apparently thinking that she had touched my hard-on. All I wanted to do was laugh my a## off. I swear, controlling my laughter then drained up all my reserves of willpower.

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Dull: The percentage of men with sexually transmitted diseases is increasing.

Fun: An increasing number of one-eyed snakes are turning poisonous.

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This one time, I had withdrawn money from the ATM & had overfed my otherwise anorexic wallet. As I was walking along, trying to hard to do so in a straight line, (the crowds here make it impossible even for a sober guy to walk more than a few feet in a straight line) the inevitable happened. A woman walking ahead of me, & whose arms were flailing all over the place, made contact with my bulging wallet. She turned around with a disgusted scream. She looked at me with such disgust & hate, apparently thinking that she had touched my hard-on. All I wanted to do was laugh my a## off. I swear, controlling my laughter then drained up all my reserves of willpower.

Why she did that? after all she was the one who "touched" what she wasn't suppose to touch, she got to be more careful or next time she will touch it.

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Why she did that?

Perhaps she's one of those women who think sex is dirty & is a sin to be suffered for the sake of making children.

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Jesus walks into a hotel.

Receptionist asks him "What can I do for you?"

Jesus hands the guy three nails.

Receptionist asks "What do I do with these?"

Jesus says, "Can you put me up for the night?"

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Jesus walks into a hotel.

Receptionist asks him "What can I do for you?"

Jesus hands the guy three nails.

Receptionist asks "What do I do with these?"

Jesus says, "Can you put me up for the night?"

:clap3:

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This happened to me a few days ago, there was a thunderstorm around my apartment and I lost the internet signal, after a few hours without service I call my ISP (Internet Service Provider) and explained the situation to the guy on the phone, he made me go throught a lot of step, plugging, unplugging cable, reseting the moden and all that kind of stuff and I knew I had an outside problem but the guy insisted in making me go following his direction step by step after several minutes loosing time in this situation he told me "I see here there is an avery in your area it make take up to 48 hours for us to fix it" so there was nothing wrong with my equipment and I still don't know why he made me loose all that time.

The next morning the internet was working again, it was sunday so I headed to church and I came back I when to check the news at Totalf1.com and when clicked one of the news the internet went out again, I thought it was the same problem so I didn't try to fix it but I waited for the 48 hours to be completed to call back to my ISP, this time was a girl who answered the phone.

She started the same way as the guy before but his time I was going to show these people that I know what I was doing, I interrupted her and told her about the avery in the area, she told me that is was fixed and my internet should be working, she asked me about the modem, I told I know the moden and it is ok, then she asked me about the router and that she was seeing that I have a very strong signal and I told her that they have a problem because my moden just have two light blinking instead of four that normally has, and she ketp saying that everything was ok on her end so there problem was mine, once again I was plugging/umplugging cables, I just wanted my internet to work, she told you can not start the router until the modem is up and running so I unplugged the modem from the power and did the same with the router and I followed her direction just to show her how wrong she was, we spend more than 30 minutes restarting the computer several time and I was getting angry with all this, then she asked me about my modem adn she told me it was a Thompson but my modem is not a Thompson, I knew they had a problem and they were making loose all that time with all those cables I told her my modem is not that one she just said and gave her the brand of my modem and she told me "it is the same" oh yes, at that moment I wanted to find someone to fight, I was running out of patience and she asked my about a light that my modem doesn't have, I was so sure that she didn't know what she was doing that I took my modem in my hands and described to her all light and buttons in my modem, the last one of them was the Internet On/Off button and when I told her about that button she told me in that particular way of speaking that confident women have "and why you don't press that button?" I did so adn my internet was working again, inmediatelly all four lights came to life, I made silent for a long time trying to find what to say while I was just listening to the background noises in the phone, I thought of hanging up the phone but I was defeated and I wanted to get ou the best possible way but there was way of doing that, I just asked if everything would be working normally after I finished connecting all the cables again, I know that was stupid but I couldn't find anything better to say, the only thing I could say was what I wanted to hear from her but at that moment I didn't feel in the mood for that.

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Found this on the net while searching for a hooligan who had knifed the famous Aussie ex-con Chopper. It's a gif image, so click on it for the full joke.

Edited by LabradoRacer

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