Argento Reloaded 1 Report post Posted November 9, 2006 Guys some humor for you. I try to translete as close as possible but remember the old italian tale "traduttore tradittore" (somithing like translator = traitor) " a wife went to the pet shop to buy a pet for his children and saw some frogs. All costs $ 4 each but one costs $400! She coudn Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Max Mosley 2 Report post Posted November 9, 2006 I like it Argento! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dribbler 6 Report post Posted November 9, 2006 If i throw a stick, will you go away? Do i look like a Fcuking people person? I'm so excited, i could just kick a puppy. I found Jesus, he was behind the sofa the whole time. I'm terrible with names, is it alright if i just call you cnut? I'm not rude, you're just insignificant. Once i was a love child, now i'm just a b#####d. I haven't got tourette's, you really are a wakner Dip me in a lesbian, i don't like chocolate. If i'd shot you when i wanted to, i'd be out by now. Imagine my embaressment, standing at the wailing wall with a harpoon gun. I could go on........ Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
monza gorilla 1 Report post Posted November 9, 2006 Please don't. My head hurts. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Max Mosley 2 Report post Posted November 9, 2006 Thats hilarious dribbler. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
goferrarigo 0 Report post Posted November 10, 2006 Thats hilarious dribbler. Try this one: The wife WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?" HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?" HUSBAND: "Of course I do." WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again." WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)." HUSBAND: (makes audible groan). WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?" WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?" HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do." WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?" HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed." WIFE: - - - silence - - - HUSBAND: "****." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shane2 0 Report post Posted November 10, 2006 What's the most confusing day of the year for a Chav? Fathers Day! How do you start an argument with a chav? Speak! What do you call a chav in a tastfully decorated house? The burglar. What do you call a Chav in a box? Innit. What do you call a Chav in a filing cabinet? Sorted. What do you call a Chav in a box with a lock on it? Safe. What do you call an Eskimo Chav? Innuinnit. Why are Chavs like slinkies? They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs. What do you call a Chavette in a white tracksuit? The bride. What do you say to a chav at work? Can i have a big mac please? How do you identify the bride at a chav wedding? She is the most pregnant one. What do chavs use as protection during sex? A bus shelter! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
goldjaazz 0 Report post Posted November 10, 2006 An Irishman was speeding on the motorway. a cop pulls him up. Cop- do you know you were speeding? you were well over the limit. Irishman - Yes i do, My wife in the back seat has overdosed on weight loss pills. I am trying to get her to hospital. the cop looks through the back window..... Cop - I've been waiting for someone like you all day... Irishman - well got here as soon as i could... yeah iknow its pretty lame BWTF! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
monza gorilla 1 Report post Posted November 10, 2006 Try this one:The wife WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?" HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?" HUSBAND: "Of course I do." WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again." WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)." HUSBAND: (makes audible groan). WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?" WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?" HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do." WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?" HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed." WIFE: - - - silence - - - HUSBAND: "****." Splendid! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Max Mosley 2 Report post Posted November 10, 2006 Yep all great stuff. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dribbler 6 Report post Posted November 10, 2006 The liver is evil and must be punished. If you're here, who's running hell? Nice legs, what time do they open? If you're easily offended now would be a good time to **** off. Attitude?, what attitude you fcuking twat? Found it!, now my finger stinks. I am not an alcoholic, i am a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings. Would this look big in your bum? Maths illiteracy affects 11 out of every 6 people. I haven't had a cnut all night drinkstable. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet One 15 Report post Posted November 10, 2006 Wife is in bed reading a magazine. Husband enters the bedroom with a sheep in his arms. He says: "See? This is the cow I fcuk everytime you have a headache" Wife says: "If you weren't such and a**hole you would notice it's a sheep, not a cow" He replies: "If you weren't such a f***ing cnut you would notice it's the sheep I'm talking to* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Loser Boy 0 Report post Posted November 13, 2006 I have made up a few "punny" jokes of my own. If it clicks ,pat on my back. If you don't like it,then ,sigh, no option but to cop the flak. Here are a few: Where would you find the speediest courts in the world? Australia...Kangaroo courts Heard about the sailor who couldn't score with the babes? Well, it was obvious since he was all at sea when it came to dealing with the fairer sex! What do you call a guy having a single digit i.q & an iPod? iDiot ! Heard about this guy who's very fat ? The thought of dying of obesity has been weighing heavily on his mind! This weather-man got dumped by his g.f . No wonder he's been feeling a bit under the weather! This guy likes to eat sweets hell of a lot, y'know. He loves sweets so much he ignored his lady. No wonder she desserted him! A very short ,albeit insensitive joke;political correctness be damned(of course ,my own work!) I am byslexic. What does one experience after relieving a bladder controlled for a loooong time? Answer:- "p**s" of mind! I always get fined everytime I walk. Why? Jay walking! This dog's having a Sh#tting problem ,y'know? It's so bad he's got to visit the dog-turd. Geddit? Dog-turd --> Doctor Well ,there's a dude called Joe King. Happens that whenever he tells his name to others, they think he's joking. This duck was p**sed off with the veterinarian. Well, it turned out that the vet was a quack. Why do nudists have such good health? 'cos they eat their food in the raw! Why did the oil tycoon find it difficult to hit a home run with the babes? 'cos they found him too 'crude'. Rowan Atkinson(Mr Bean) acted in the movie 'Johnny English'. Critics found his acting awful n panned his performance. Maybe they should have called him a 'has-bean' When do buggers like you n me torture people with puns? Answer: - When we are in a 'pun'ishing mood. Me n Pamela Anderson have become very close pals. In fact she's now my 'bosom' buddy. Why did the dermatologist's girlfriend dump him? 'cos he kept getting under her skin. Why did the horse jockey's g.f dump him? 'cos he cudn't stop horsing around. This garbage collector's g.f ditched him. He's now in the dumps. Heard about the failed archaelogist? His career lies in ruins Heard about the boxer who won the championships? well,he's pleased as punch If you place bets on a pun competition, you will be a 'pun'ter What do you say when a shoe dies? May its sole rest in peace. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Max Mosley 2 Report post Posted November 13, 2006 The Pamela Anderson one particularly appeals to me. The sailor and archaeologist ones are good too. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bajo39 0 Report post Posted November 13, 2006 Wife is in bed reading a magazine.Husband enters the bedroom with a sheep in his arms. He says: "See? This is the cow I fcuk everytime you have a headache" Wife says: "If you weren't such and a**hole you would notice it's a sheep, not a cow" He replies: "If you weren't such a f***ing cnut you would notice it's the sheep I'm talking to* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Loser Boy 0 Report post Posted November 13, 2006 A few of the grafitti I've encountered in toilets in school/colleges: 1)What the Hell are you looking at?Just urinate! 2)Some come here to wash their balls I come here to read the walls! 3)Your future is in your hand. 4)Newton's 4th law of motion:Back & forth motion gives white lotion. The Pamela Anderson one particularly appeals to me. The sailor and archaeologist ones are good too. Yes!!!!!!!!! I got appreciated! Yahooooo! Thanx a million,MW!(what's your real name,by the way?) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Argento Reloaded 1 Report post Posted November 17, 2006 A few of the grafitti I've encountered in toilets in school/colleges:1)What the Hell are you looking at?Just urinate! 2)Some come here to wash their balls I come here to read the walls! 3)Your future is in your hand. 4)Newton's 4th law of motion:Back & forth motion gives white lotion. Yes!!!!!!!!! I got appreciated! Yahooooo! Thanx a million,MW!(what's your real name,by the way?) Best toilet graffitti: "brother i hope you Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Argento Reloaded 1 Report post Posted November 17, 2006 Practical guide to understand women: If they say...= they are really saying... NO= yes YES= No MAYBE= No IT Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
goferrarigo 0 Report post Posted November 17, 2006 nice post Argento Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bajo39 0 Report post Posted November 17, 2006 Practical guide to understand women:We need = I want We must talk = I need to complain These are my favourites! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Max Mosley 2 Report post Posted November 17, 2006 Good stuff Argento! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Loser Boy 0 Report post Posted November 18, 2006 I have a split personality. No,he's lying.He's absolutely normal. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dribbler 6 Report post Posted November 19, 2006 I'm having amnesia and de ja vu at the same time. I just get the feeling i have forgotten about this before. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
suomenpankki 0 Report post Posted November 20, 2006 St Peter decides to take the day off to go fishing, so Jesus offers to keep an eye on the Pearly Gates. He is not sure what to do, so Peter tells him to find out a bit about people as they arrive in Heaven, and this will help him decide if he can let them in. After a while, Jesus sees a little old man with white hair approaching who looks very, very familiar. He asks the old man to tell him about himself. The old man says, "I had a very sad life. I was a carpenter and had a son who I lost at a relatively young age, and although he was not my natural child, I loved him dearly." Jesus welled up with emotion. He threw his arms around the old man and cried, "Daddy!" The old man replied, "Pinocchio !" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
