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cavallino

Marriage And Relationships

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To those who are married or in a relationship:

Does the magic wear off? Do you have to work hard to keep the relationship working? Does the marriage/relationship become a habit of sorts a few months or years down the line?

Is very difficult to explain in my own language so figure out how taugh it is in english for me... but let

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Hm. Alot of people are spewing happy gas around here. Marriage has it's ups and downs. The ups are easy to get through but it's the downs, the arguments and the fights, that really test your mettle and need to be addressed here. The goal is to find someone whos worldview isn't too far removed from your own to cut down on the frequency of the fights. Frequent fighting will destroy a relationship.

Fights are caused mostly by two people working in different directions to solve a common problem. Compromise is the key and here's how to do it: realize that men and women deal with problems and adversity in totally different ways. A man wants to retreat into himself and sort out the problem and mostly doesn't want to be burdened by listening to another person's problems. A woman wants to talk about the problem. What normally happens is that the woman wants to talk about a problem and the man wants nothing more than for her to stop talking and solve it like he would..internally. When a man has a problem he doesn't want his wife to pull that problem out of him to discuss it. The solution is for the woman to respect a man's desire to not talk about a problem, and the man should make an effort to listen to the woman's problems. If you keep the desire to make each other happy at the front of your thoughts, what I've described above becomes easy. When you lose that desire you've already lost the plot and need to consider a break-up.

Steve hit on this next solution above...never go to bed angry at each other. Sounds simple to do, but it really isn't. Sometimes you fight or debate all night and never reach a point where you are both not mad at each other. Recognizing this early in the fight is the key. When you see both of you wont agree on something, you need to give up your position. If your position is so vital to you that you cannot give it up, then perhaps the differences between you two are deeper than you realize and the relationship should be ended. I don't have many moments of true wisdom, but there's wisdom in that.

The nature of love is often misunderstood and that leads to problems down the line. Love isn't that buzzed, high feeling you have when dating. Love is more low-key than that. Love is enjoying spending your time with a person to the exclusion of everyone else, enjoying their viewpoints and never wanting that person to be unhappy. These things are 'love'. Lust is also in there, as we men need the physical to fully feel 'love', but it shouldn't be mistaken for 'love'. It's just the catalyst for us.

Hm. Excuse me, I need to call my wife right about now....

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Hm. Alot of people are spewing happy gas around here. Marriage has it's ups and downs. The ups are easy to get through but it's the downs, the arguments and the fights, that really test your mettle and need to be addressed here. The goal is to find someone whos worldview isn't too far removed from your own to cut down on the frequency of the fights. Frequent fighting will destroy a relationship.

Fights are caused mostly by two people working in different directions to solve a common problem. Compromise is the key and here's how to do it: realize that men and women deal with problems and adversity in totally different ways. A man wants to retreat into himself and sort out the problem and mostly doesn't want to be burdened by listening to another person's problems. A woman wants to talk about the problem. What normally happens is that the woman wants to talk about a problem and the man wants nothing more than for her to stop talking and solve it like he would..internally. When a man has a problem he doesn't want his wife to pull that problem out of him to discuss it. The solution is for the woman to respect a man's desire to not talk about a problem, and the man should make an effort to listen to the woman's problems. If you keep the desire to make each other happy at the front of your thoughts, what I've described above becomes easy. When you lose that desire you've already lost the plot and need to consider a break-up.

Steve hit on this next solution above...never go to bed angry at each other. Sounds simple to do, but it really isn't. Sometimes you fight or debate all night and never reach a point where you are both not mad at each other. Recognizing this early in the fight is the key. When you see both of you wont agree on something, you need to give up your position. If your position is so vital to you that you cannot give it up, then perhaps the differences between you two are deeper than you realize and the relationship should be ended. I don't have many moments of true wisdom, but there's wisdom in that.

The nature of love is often misunderstood and that leads to problems down the line. Love isn't that buzzed, high feeling you have when dating. Love is more low-key than that. Love is enjoying spending your time with a person to the exclusion of everyone else, enjoying their viewpoints and never wanting that person to be unhappy. These things are 'love'. Lust is also in there, as we men need the physical to fully feel 'love', but it shouldn't be mistaken for 'love'. It's just the catalyst for us.

Hm. Excuse me, I need to call my wife right about now....

All true. I especially agree with the last paragraph.

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My honest congratulations to all those who have married and are happy. I've come close once, and thankfully dodged a bullet from a cheating, lying girl. I'd like to say I'm hopeful and optimistic of one day getting married as like my parents and many people I've known in my life, marriage is a very real and wonderful thing. But I don't think I'll find anyone. It's a horrible feeling too, of wanting something, then forcing that feeling to go away. Whatever you guys have done, if it's working and you are happy, then you are a truly blessed.

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Here's some research. Cav can no doubt find us some better stuff.

It was something quoted in a BBC article I think, but I can't find it now.

Steve hit on this next solution above...never go to bed angry at each other. Sounds simple to do, but it really isn't.

That is precious advice.

Are you planning to get married?

:lol: Me? Are you f$%king crazy? :P

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Interesting topic. Why the sudden interest Cav??? Are you planning to get married?

Yep... a Mrs. Cav. Now there's(oops) there is something to imagine.

Ouch! Now my head hurts! :P

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:lol: Me? Are you f$%king crazy? :P

Thats what i thought why the **** you make a comeback on the forums and make THIS topic.

Yep... a Mrs. Cav. Now there's(oops) there is something to imagine.

Ouch! Now my head hurts! :P

Mine did too.... Imagine the arguements...

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It was something quoted in a BBC article I think, but I can't find it now.

A few days back , I read that BBC had faked a scene about a goat/deer shaking water off its back. It was said in the documentary that the animal got wet in the rain. Allegedly, they BBC had hosed the animal. No, I swear,I'm not joking. You might have a rethink over your avatar photo.

On the topic, well fellas, do you think she deserves to be gifted costly diamonds & rings & stuff like that? For the life of me, I fail to understand what's attractive about jewelry. I'd rather gift her somethign which can be used or eaten, say a pizza. If pressed to be romantic, I'd rather give my gf a seed (ahem, I mean seed of a rose or some attractive flower), soil , fertilizer. Then we'll nourish it together as a symbol of growing love.

Do tell me what you gifted your gfs/wives.

Oh, one more question. Do you guys remember the b'days of your better(!) halves?

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A few days back , I read that BBC had faked a goat/deer shaking water of its back. It was said in the documentary that the animal got wet in the rain. Allegedly, they BBC had hosed the animal. No, I swear,I'm not joking. You might have a rethink over your avatar photo.

On the topic, well fellas, do you think she deserves to be gifted costly diamonds & rings & stuff like that? For the life of me, I fail to understand what's attractive about jewelry. I'd rather gift her somethign which can be used or eaten, say a pizza. If pressed to be romantic, I'd rather give my gf a seed (ahem, I mean seed of a rose or some attractive flower), soil , fertilizer. Then we'll nourish it together as a symbol of growing love.

Do tell me what you gifted your gfs/wives.

Oh, one more question. Do you guys remember the b'days of your better(!) halves?

I guess when my relationship was in its infancy i did tend to shower mrs drib in flowers and things. I would wine and dine her no end. I have bought her some very nice presents and always remember her birthday. These days, she earns more than me and so the notion that an expensive present is special has lost its emphasis slightly. That's why she appreciates it far more if i do something that's important to her, or buy her a silly gift of no value but of high meaning and relevance. It's true what they say, it's the thought that counts.

I still buy her flowers for no reason and she still loves it.

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On the topic, well fellas, do you think she deserves to be gifted costly diamonds & rings & stuff like that? For the life of me, I fail to understand what's attractive about jewelry. I'd rather gift her somethign which can be used or eaten, say a pizza. If pressed to be romantic, I'd rather give my gf a seed (ahem, I mean seed of a rose or some attractive flower), soil , fertilizer. Then we'll nourish it together as a symbol of growing love.

Do tell me what you gifted your gfs/wives.

Oh, one more question. Do you guys remember the b'days of your better(!) halves?

Girls need to know they are worth all the money for a gift, and worth the effort of figuring out what jewelry looks nice and what sucks. Why? I don't know, ask a girl. Giving her food is a terrible idea, it basically says you think she's fat and just eats and eats and only likes to eat and never gets enough food. You may mean well, but she'll take it the wrong way. Sort of. Chocolate is sort of different, I can't tell you why, though, as I just don't know.

Of course I remember. If you can't even remember her birthday, your relationship must suck and is probably just all sex sex sex.

I'd never give my gf flowers. I mean how can a girl find caracasses of flowers romantic? I maintain,it's better to nurture a plant/flower thingy together.

Knowing that she's worth so much you'd kill things for her...again, I don't know, I don't think many people really think of flowers as being dead, since many people don't think of flowers as ever being alive...

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Hm. Alot of people are spewing happy gas around here. Marriage has it's ups and downs. The ups are easy to get through but it's the downs, the arguments and the fights, that really test your mettle and need to be addressed here. The goal is to find someone whos worldview isn't too far removed from your own to cut down on the frequency of the fights. Frequent fighting will destroy a relationship.

Fights are caused mostly by two people working in different directions to solve a common problem. Compromise is the key and here's how to do it: realize that men and women deal with problems and adversity in totally different ways. A man wants to retreat into himself and sort out the problem and mostly doesn't want to be burdened by listening to another person's problems. A woman wants to talk about the problem. What normally happens is that the woman wants to talk about a problem and the man wants nothing more than for her to stop talking and solve it like he would..internally. When a man has a problem he doesn't want his wife to pull that problem out of him to discuss it. The solution is for the woman to respect a man's desire to not talk about a problem, and the man should make an effort to listen to the woman's problems. If you keep the desire to make each other happy at the front of your thoughts, what I've described above becomes easy. When you lose that desire you've already lost the plot and need to consider a break-up.

Steve hit on this next solution above...never go to bed angry at each other. Sounds simple to do, but it really isn't. Sometimes you fight or debate all night and never reach a point where you are both not mad at each other. Recognizing this early in the fight is the key. When you see both of you wont agree on something, you need to give up your position. If your position is so vital to you that you cannot give it up, then perhaps the differences between you two are deeper than you realize and the relationship should be ended. I don't have many moments of true wisdom, but there's wisdom in that.

The nature of love is often misunderstood and that leads to problems down the line. Love isn't that buzzed, high feeling you have when dating. Love is more low-key than that. Love is enjoying spending your time with a person to the exclusion of everyone else, enjoying their viewpoints and never wanting that person to be unhappy. These things are 'love'. Lust is also in there, as we men need the physical to fully feel 'love', but it shouldn't be mistaken for 'love'. It's just the catalyst for us.

Hm. Excuse me, I need to call my wife right about now....

Hey its Dr. Phil :) ...........nice comments Mike.

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If you can't even remember her birthday, your relationship must suck and is probably just all sex sex sex.

No spending out for a present, lots of sucking and sex, sex, sex? Do you know this girl, Eric? Marry her.

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Ive been married twice - the first time to a bitch and the in-laws from hell

the second time to the greatest woman on the planet (she earns more than me!)

its all about reeeeee sp ect

without it, there can be only one

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I knew a girl once, it was love at first sight. The second time i saw the swamp rat, i was sober.

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Thats what i thought why the **** you make a comeback on the forums and make THIS topic.

It's actually a cleverly disguised Lewis Hamilton topic, it is all about Lewis' latest relationship.

A few days back , I read that BBC had faked a scene about a goat/deer shaking water off its back. It was said in the documentary that the animal got wet in the rain. Allegedly, they BBC had hosed the animal. No, I swear,I'm not joking. You might have a rethink over your avatar photo.

I would have thought finding a goar-deer mutant would be the hard part, taking it to a rainy place wouldn't be that hard.

On the topic, well fellas, do you think she deserves to be gifted costly diamonds & rings & stuff like that? For the life of me, I fail to understand what's attractive about jewelry.

*shrug* Give her whatever she'd like, giving a gift isn't about finding something you like yourself.

I'd rather gift her somethign which can be used or eaten, say a pizza.

*sigh*

Oh, one more question. Do you guys remember the b'days of your better(!) halves?

Umm why not?

I'd never give my gf flowers. I mean how can a girl find caracasses of flowers romantic? I maintain,it's better to nurture a plant/flower thingy together.

Again, it's not about you. What's so hard about giving flowers if she likes them?

In a relationship you argue/ disagree over things that are worth the trouble and actually make a difference. What's the point of taking a stand of principle over somthing so trivial? And women and men are different. It's not always true of course, but it is a convenient and useful generalisation.

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Cav's right about the gifts... It's not meant to be about what you would think of said gift, it's what they think of it... Especially if it shows you've paid attention and know what she likes!

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I never married. Had plenty of girlfriends though. I've learnt with experience and age that "falling in love" is a temporary state of insanity. When the body chemistry eventually rights itself after such a state, the person is confronted with either a pleasant or unpleasant reality. Some people are just not cut out for longterm relationships and commitment. Perhaps I'm just seeking a different sort of life. Or perhaps I'm too hopeless in choosing the right person. I never really figured out why I am so unable to settle down.

Anyway, I think I could only really love a dog. Girls, they just come and go - in my case anyway. Maybe one day I will meet someone who will rid me of my doomed view of love. But until that happens, I will keep looking for the scruffy mutt of my dreams at the SPCA.

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