Clicky

Jump to content
lipstick79

Jokes

Recommended Posts


I was driving back from The Dalles and saw A sign in Hood River that said Fresh Apples . So I take the exit and Head to the fruit stand I see 4 bins full of apples with signs above them First one read Bacon and Eggs . I said Right . The Guy says pick one up and Take A Bite . So I do and say to him . By Gawd It tastes just like Eggs The salesman said turn it around . I did and took another bite and said By Gawd you have something here thats just like Bacon . I see the bin next to it says Steak and Eggs . Yeah I had to try it Took A Bite and It tasted just like A Rib Eye he said Turn it around I did and BY Gawd it was just like Eggs . The next bin said Pussy . Yeah It got my attention too . So I had to I picked one up took A big Bite and Spit it out I said Heck that tasted like s##t He said Turn it around

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Why dogs are better than wives: 

If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.

If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

A dog won't ask you, "If I died, would you get another dog?"

A dog's parents will never visit you.

Dog's like it if you leave a lot of clothes on the floor.

They don't get mad if you call them another dog's name.

The later you are, the more excited they are to see you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A Scotsman and Irishman walk into a bar.

As they walk in the Scotsman proclaims loudly for all to hear “Drinks for the house, on me!”

The next day in the newspaper the headlines reads ‘Irish ventriloquist found beaten to death”

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I set off to go to the gym this morning 
but I realized I lost my membership card. 
A new one costs £10.
Cheesecake and Pepsi is £4.00. 
Guess who saved £6.00?

Edited by lipstick79

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

“I can’t believe that you’ve been visiting prostitutes for sex,” my wife screamed at me. “I’m really disappointed.”

“You can hardly blame me,” I answered. “It’s not like I was getting any from you.”

“Well, that’s your own fault,” she replied. “You never told me you were willing to pay for it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...

×
×
  • Create New...