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lipstick79

Jokes

21 posts in this topic

As this IS the cafe, does anybody know any good jokes?
I do NOT mean like the Minardi of old !!

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I was driving back from The Dalles and saw A sign in Hood River that said Fresh Apples . So I take the exit and Head to the fruit stand I see 4 bins full of apples with signs above them First one read Bacon and Eggs . I said Right . The Guy says pick one up and Take A Bite . So I do and say to him . By Gawd It tastes just like Eggs The salesman said turn it around . I did and took another bite and said By Gawd you have something here thats just like Bacon . I see the bin next to it says Steak and Eggs . Yeah I had to try it Took A Bite and It tasted just like A Rib Eye he said Turn it around I did and BY Gawd it was just like Eggs . The next bin said Pussy . Yeah It got my attention too . So I had to I picked one up took A big Bite and Spit it out I said Heck that tasted like s##t He said Turn it around

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What did one Japanese man say to the other Japanese man? 
I don't know... I don`t speak Japanese 

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The cop said... 

The cop said, "Your eyes are squinting, have your been drinking?"

I said, "Your eyes are glazed, have you been eating donuts?"

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 once dated a girl who was a twin

People asked me how I could tell them apart.

It was easy. Jill painted her nails purple and...…………………...Bill had a c#ck.

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When my wife falls asleep in a public place

I shake her and yell "DON'T DIE ON ME!" and then people always clap when she wakes up

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Why dogs are better than wives: 

If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.

If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

A dog won't ask you, "If I died, would you get another dog?"

A dog's parents will never visit you.

Dog's like it if you leave a lot of clothes on the floor.

They don't get mad if you call them another dog's name.

The later you are, the more excited they are to see you.

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Got an e-mail today from a .................... 

"bored housewife, 33, looking for some action."
I sent her my ironing.

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My sister prayed for snow on her wedding day.
Even though this didn't happen,
she did get 8 inches on her Honeymoon night.

Edited by lipstick79

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A Scotsman and Irishman walk into a bar.

As they walk in the Scotsman proclaims loudly for all to hear “Drinks for the house, on me!”

The next day in the newspaper the headlines reads ‘Irish ventriloquist found beaten to death”

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I set off to go to the gym this morning 
but I realized I lost my membership card. 
A new one costs £10.
Cheesecake and Pepsi is £4.00. 
Guess who saved £6.00?

Edited by lipstick79

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