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HandyNZL

2013 First Test (No, Not Cricket...)

By HandyNZL, in F1 Discussions

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BradSpeedMan    6

BradSpeedMan
Posted

Let me put that through the translator machiney muh-bob:

I've been out on the track watching the cars and the Lotus continues to look very impressive.

I've been lounging around the track occassionaly looking to see where all the noise is coming from, and every now and then this black and gold car comes by, and I get all misty eyed thinking of the Lotus 72....

The front end is always there, the traction is good and Romain Grosjean is able to be committed on the throttle

It drives in the same direction, always. The tyres touch the ground, they go around, and the car moves. Romain Grosjean needs to be committed, otherwise someone will throttle him this year...maybe Sutil if he gets the Force India drive...he has a record for that sort of thing.

Sergio Perez was on a long run in the McLaren and he was very consistent.

Sergio Perez kept going around in circles, and with some consistency, every time I went to chat up this blonde bird, he would blast by and then my pick up lines could not be heard by her. So I would say what I wanted to her, but of course she couldn't hear a word of it, and so I am left with this cheesey grin at the end of my pick up line, just looking at her like some weirdo clown / stalker / pervert awaitng her reply...which of course never came.

It also looks pretty good

The blonde looked exceptional. Sell your grandmother, exceptional. Sorry, I need to sit down...feeling faint....

The Toro Rosso has lost its edge from yesterday - now the rear is moving too much, which was always their problem last year.

The red head bird that was around yesterday is wiggling her backside too much...a little is OK, but it reaches a certain point and it goes from nice to stripper slutty. I hear from my mate that she was like that last year too. Maybe I should get her number.....

Red Bull I believe are concentrating on reliability before some upgrades but at the moment it looks like a one-line car

The purple bovine are slow and they know it...already they have some upgrades awaiting them, being a turbo (a year early I might add), a NOS installation, and a pair of fluffy dice to hang on the mirror. It only knows one pick up line...something about hoping the fall didn't hurt you and falling from the sky or something...either way...totally doesn't work...

- if the driver misses the turn-in, it's hard to get the nose back on line.

When sniffing coke lines in the back seat of a limo, and the driver turns quickly, your nose runs off line....

The Ferrari looks OK,

The Ferrari looks OK.....now, please post my cheque to.....

but its tyres are going off more quickly than some others -

The Ferrari mechanics are trialling no-nut wheel fixtures...doesn't seem to be working to well though....

and it's not always riding the bumps as well as the best

Sometimes you get one and she lies there like a starfish....

laugh.pnglaugh.png

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BradSpeedMan    6

BradSpeedMan
Posted

WOW, Massa does a 1m17.879s.Impressive but not according to plan!

eish, but it does'nt last...

"Those soft tyres are clearly going away for the Brazilian now. His third flying lap of this spell is a 1m19.598s."

Ferrari abit hard on the tyres, something they will have to correct

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pabloh20    1

pabloh20
Posted

Britney just reached triple figures! Making up for lost time...

I didn't think Britney had ever lost time in that sense...............................no, wait, you are talking about Rosberg, aren't you? :dam:

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BradSpeedMan    6

BradSpeedMan
Posted

"Just the 140 laps for Rosberg today. That's more than anyone achieved during 2012's pre-season test here at Jerez (the most was Michael Schumacher on 139, although he was in the 2011-spec Mercedes). Exactly what the doctor ordered after the setbacks of the first two days."

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Quiet One    15

Quiet One
Posted

"Just the 140 laps for Rosberg today. That's more than anyone achieved during 2012's pre-season test here at Jerez (the most was Michael Schumacher on 139, although he was in the 2011-spec Mercedes). Exactly what the doctor ordered after the setbacks of the first two days."

OMFG!!!! How many championship points will he get for THAT?

:P

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HandyNZL    1

HandyNZL
Posted

216734.jpg

DLR: Hola! It'sa warma ina there...ce...what what....

Extinguisher Dude: Bloody journey man...doesn't know if he's English, Italian or Spanish....

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HandyNZL    1

HandyNZL
Posted

Lol....Guiterrez just ran out of fuel out on track...

Mechanic: Alright Este...we're going to check your fuel consumption on this run...OK?

EG: Hokey dokey!! I go out now? Ce?

Mechanic: Yes Este...just sequence 7 on the engine map, OK...will keep the car at 7000rpm....do two laps and come in, OK?

EG: Sure sure Senor...we go now?

Mechanic: Yes

EG: Wheeee....bye bye senor....

Mechanic watches him drive off and turns to fuel transfer technician....

Mech: So, you put one and a half laps of fuel in?

FTT: Yup...sure did...

Mech: Great...that'll leave him out on track for at least twenty minutes...getting so damn sick of his sterotypical damn Mexican gardener routine...

FTT: Me too...would you believe he was looking at the transporter the other day asking me how many people we could fit in the back, and how the suspension was if it had to go off road....along a river or two....maybe crash through a fence....and if it could out run a Chevy Blazer....

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BradSpeedMan    6

BradSpeedMan
Posted

216734.jpg

DLR: Hola! It'sa warma ina there...ce...what what....

Extinguisher Dude: Bloody journey man...doesn't know if he's English, Italian or Spanish....

I guess yesterday that Massa pushed the car too hard on those softs heheheeh

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BradSpeedMan    6

BradSpeedMan
Posted

Vettel showing some speed, yesterday he went very well on long stints...

"Sebastian Vettel in the RB9 (that's an easy one) goes fastest with a 1m18.789s."

wonder which tyre he's on???

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Kati    0

Kati
Posted

ok. first of all i must point out i DO like Grosjean. he is fast and would be an awesome driver. IF HE COULD RACE AGAINST OTHER DRIVERS. i mean, going round in circles has never been a problem for him, just see the race of champions. it's this this overtaking thing that... god.

second of all Felipe should be happy he actually has a job. end of.

and the third point is. RLY, still on the 'OMG FERRARI IS AWESOME?' which year is this????

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HandyNZL    1

HandyNZL
Posted

Who/what is RLY?

You young whipper snappers and your acronyms...it's too confusing for me.....FFS (I so wish I knew what that meant too, but I see it is popular around here to finish off your post that way)

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BradSpeedMan    6

BradSpeedMan
Posted

BBC F1 technical analyst Gary Anderson in Jerez

"I'm out on the track watching the cars and it looks like the Red Bull has 10% more downforce than anything else. The McLaren still has constant understeer through the corners, the Mercedes has understeer on entry and then the rear snaps on exit, while the Lotus looks well balanced. The Ferrari is in the pits having its gearbox changed so we can't get a comparison with that."

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BradSpeedMan    6

BradSpeedMan
Posted

"Sebastian Vettel, out with hard tyres on the Red Bull, moves top of the pile with 1m18.565s...."

It's scary to think what he'll do on both medium and soft compounds

edit:

"Vettel does a 1:18.565 on hards at same time as Raikkonen does a 1:18.915 on mediums. No fuel-load data, of course" Andrew Benson

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BradSpeedMan    6

BradSpeedMan
Posted

There seems to be high drama going on here fixing the hole...

12:11 Oh, help has arrived. Two men have turned up carrying what looks like some carpet

12:13 This is like rescue watch on an epic scale. They're now laying some fake kerbing (the black plastic version of a sleeping policeman) over the hole in a bid to fill it.

12:14 Incidentally, we're not sure why it seemed important that one of the track workers was in a leather jacket. But it did.

hehehe

12:18 Oh, that's been abandoned now. Suggestions that all the repair work has managed to achieve is to make the hole bigger being ignored (possibly because they can't hear us) by the repair men.

12:20 There's nothing like staring at a hole repeatedly without moving for fixing it. We try that quite a lot when our car breaks. Poking around a bit also looks clever.

12:21 And we have cement! The media centre is genuinely (sort of. Mainly it's just AUTOSPORT Live) glued to the action. Can this work? How long will it take? Does the man who was standing and poking around a bit feel miffed that people are now doing something?

Whoever is commenting here from Autosport just have a brilliant sense of humour heheehhe

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