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lechilka26

Best Joke Ever ;)

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About ten years ago, whilst working in Germany I went to see a prostitute,

After I’d done the deed, I threw her £25.

'Actually I’d prefer marks' she said. '

“Ok' I said 'six out of ten'.

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About ten years ago, whilst working in Germany I went to see a prostitute,

After I’d done the deed, I threw her £25.

'Actually I’d prefer marks' she said. '

“Ok' I said 'six out of ten'.

Good one laugh.gif It reminds me of when I played GTA San Andreas. I used to have sex with the hos & then kill 'em to take my money and their money. Of course, later on when I completed all pimping missions, the hos paid me to have sex with me. Too bad that real life doesn't follow suit.

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not sure if this is a joke but Chuck Norris was shot few days back and the bullet that hit him is still in critical condition

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not sure if this is a joke but Chuck Norris was shot few days back and the bullet that hit him is still in critical condition

Gotta love the Chuck Norris facts! :lol:

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A professor has discovered after extensive research that there are two distinct sizes of penis in England. There are those that are normal sized and those that are less than two inches long when erect. The professor has appealed for help to continue his research by asking all men with the smaller of the two sizes to let themselves be known to him over the next six weeks by flying a stupid f*cking white flag with a red cross from their cars.

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I've a deep, philosophical, thought-provoking question. Is a shemale:

A) a male with tits?

OR

B ) a female with a d#ck?

My girlfriend rarely puts out. sad.gif Yeah, she's mingy with her minge.

Pop star: "All allegations of me indulging in paedophilia are false. The children were at my place only to play musical instruments."

Journalist: "Musical instruments? Like?"

Pop star: "My organ."

Edited by LabradoRacer

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Whats the best way to a mans heart?

Through his chest with a sharp knife.

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Whats the best way to a mans heart?

Through his chest with a sharp knife.

I sense a deep resentment.... I swear, it WASN'T ME!!!

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Courtesy of Russell Howard.

Queen pulling up the duvet covers to her neck: 'Philip. Look at me! I look like a stamp!'

Queen: 'Ok Mr. Brown, I'll let you stay PM if you can dance to Beyonce. Come on Philip, lets see Tubby dance!'

'a man had his penis bit off after he tried to rape a raccoon while drunk. Not once when I have ever been p**sed I've thought ''ooh, I'm going to do that raccoon good and proper.'' '

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Heard about this plain condom with no sense of humour? Yeah, it doesn't like to be ribbed.

And isn't it true that a Black Widow devours her male partner with consummate ease?

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Heard about this rich prostitute who provides capital to companies, without taking up an active role? Yeah, she likes to be a sleeping partner.

I thought this was the "Best Joke Ever!" thread not "Sad jokes dads like" rolleyes.giflaugh.gif

(Now I will refrain from writing any jokes in here because I know you'll get me back whistling.gif)

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I thought this was the "Best Joke Ever!" thread not "Sad jokes dads like" rolleyes.giflaugh.gif

(Now I will refrain from writing any jokes in here because I know you'll get me back whistling.gif)

Well, I'm very sorry that I can't copy-paste existing jokes from the net.

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So these 3 kids are arguing over whose gramma has the saggiest tits.

Says the 1st kid, "My granny's tits sag so much that if she wishes to flash 'em (no doubt for guys like me), she just has to pull up her shirt an inch above the navel."

2nd kid, "That's nothing. My granny flashes hers by pulling up her skirt an inch above her knees."

3rd kid, "Oh yeah? My granny flashes hers by removing the socks from her feet."

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A friend sent me this joke today:

England vs. Argentina football match. Messi tells his mates, "You guys are tired. Why don't you take the night off & I'll play alone?" The Argentine players decide to go along with his suggestion. The match begins & the Arg players troop out to the bar. Return at half time to see the score. It's 1-0 in Arg's favour. Messi had scored in the 37th minute. The Arg players pat him on the back & return to the bar. Return to the stadium after the match is over. The score is 1-1. Lampard had scored in the 85th minute. Messi's in the dressing room, sitting disconsolately with his head in his hands. His mates try to cheer him up, "C'mon, you single-handedly held them to a draw!" Messi replies, "You don't understand. I was sent off in the 60th minute."

Edited by LabradoRacer

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:lol: :lol:

Absolutely brilliant.

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