Mysterious Duck Death

[Medilloni 6]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/lancashire/7334640.stm

Drug dog suspended for duck death

A prison sniffer dog has been suspended from his post after allegedly killing a group of ducks at a Lancashire jail.

The three-year-old dog was reported to the governor of HMP Garth after the recent discovery of the dead birds.

Until the suspension, he was one of a number of dogs responsible for finding drugs at the category B prison in Ulnes Walton Lane in Leyland, Preston.

The Prison Service said he would now undergo tests to assess whether he could continue in the role.

A spokesman said: "We can confirm that a drug detection dog at HMP Garth has been taken out of service pending an investigation into a complaint that the dog attacked a group of ducks.

"Drug detection dogs are regularly evaluated and any dog whose behaviour is of concern will be reviewed to assess its continuing suitability for the role."

Drug detection dogs are mainly used to sniff out drugs on people entering and leaving prisons.

HMP Garth is a category B training prison housing more than 600 serious offenders.

It has become the North West's centre for prisoners serving indeterminate sentences for public protection.

Fido now goes before the prison board to answer for his actions, some say he'll make more sense than the Prison Governor. If he's found guilty by trial, he'll be placed in a ducking chair at the local pond to asses possible involvement of Witchcraft.

Allegedly there were two cows and a goat that witnessed the incident; they will be called as witnesses - and in line with European Law they will naturally be provided with interpreters - though it is believed that the ducks were pets of a prisoner who had shoved a few condoms filled with coke up the duck's bums. Prisoners have been advised to avoid eating duck eggs for the next few days.

[pabloh20 1]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/lancashire/7334640.stm

Fido now goes before the prison board to answer for his actions, some say he'll make more sense than the Prison Governor. If he's found guilty by trial, he'll be placed in a ducking chair at the local pond to asses possible involvement of Witchcraft.

Allegedly there were two cows and a goat that witnessed the incident; they will be called as witnesses - and in line with European Law they will naturally be provided with interpreters - though it is believed that the ducks were pets of a prisoner who had shoved a few condoms filled with coke up the duck's bums. Prisoners have been advised to avoid eating duck eggs for the next few days.

I wonder which is more important, a couple of dead ducks, or the loss of drug sniffer dog, not that I like needless killing of animals

[Medilloni 6]

I wonder which is more important, a couple of dead ducks, or the loss of drug sniffer dog, not that I like needless killing of animals

Both the cows said "he wuz provoked and then he moo-eved in real quick". The goat said he was the fastest dog baaa none.

[Grabthaw the Hammerslayer 4]

Ah that's nothing see www.theregister.co.uk/2006/06/01/alien_duck/ for real duck news!

[Medilloni 6]

Ah that's nothing see www.theregister.co.uk/2006/06/01/alien_duck/ for real duck news!

"Daddy, where do Aliens come from?",

"Well son, two ducks that love each other very, very much get together and they make a baby alien."

Nah. It'll never catch on

I use The Register for work Meani, same for you?

[dribbler 6]

Can i do the Bill Withers gag now or shall i wait until the thread descends a little further?

[Grabthaw the Hammerslayer 4]

Can i do the Bill Withers gag now or shall i wait until the thread descends a little further?

Only if I can do my duck joke -

Q. What is the similarity between a duck and the tax-man?

A. They can both stick their bills up their ar*e

[Grabthaw the Hammerslayer 4]

Nah. It'll never catch on

I use The Register for work Meani, same for you?

Indeed I do; 'tis a good source (not unlike Hoi-sin)

Although TF1 seems to be occupying more of my time (even though my job has nothing to do with F1).

That reminds me - what happened to Ferret, our resident F1 insider - did we scare him/her off?

[Medilloni 6]

Indeed I do; 'tis a good source (not unlike Hoi-sin)

Although TF1 seems to be occupying more of my time (even though my job has nothing to do with F1).

That reminds me - what happened to Ferret, our resident F1 insider - did we scare him/her off?

Nah, he was eaten by a drug sniffing dog.

I'd have thought Ferret is busy at the factory at the mo tho. Especially if he works for Renault

[dribbler 6]

Only if I can do my duck joke -

Q. What is the similarity between a duck and the tax-man?

A. They can both stick their bills up their ar*e

Nah, he was eaten by a drug sniffing dog.

I'd have thought Ferret is busy at the factory at the mo tho. Especially if he works for Renault

For an insider, he was desperately dull and not forthcoming with juicy information. He could have at least made some up. Like, he's seen Fernando in the factory crying at telemetry read outs, or Pat Symonds doesn't wear trousers at work, stuff like that.

[Grabthaw the Hammerslayer 4]

Nah, he was eaten by a drug sniffing dog.

Someone shouted "duck" but the dog got him...

Ooh that reminds me of another old joke that only the 35+ers amongst us will get:

Q. What do you call a dog with wings?

A. Linda McCartney

(sorry Paul.... (that's me off the Christmas card list))

[Medilloni 6]

For an insider, he was desperately dull and not forthcoming with juicy information. He could have at least made some up. Like, he's seen Fernando in the factory crying at telemetry read outs, or Pat Symonds doesn't wear trousers at work, stuff like that.

I agree!!! What a let down. Come back Ferret, lie to us. We read the News of The world, and believe it

Q. What do you call a dog with wings?

A. Linda McCartney

Meanioni, how could you do that? And I eat her sausages too.

Hmmmm, that sounds like an Arab swearing, "I weell shoot hure dog, hand heat hure sausages"

[dribbler 6]

Poor Paul indeed. He can write a sweet little tune but he's been sh!t out o' luck when it comes to women. If they're not conking out, they're trying to bleed him dry.

[monza gorilla 1]

I laid her down upon the bank

My hands were all a quiver

I undid her suspender belt and

Her leg fell in the river

copyright P. McCartney

[Autumnpuma 0]

I laid her down upon the bank

My hands were all a quiver

I undid her suspender belt and

Her leg fell in the river

copyright P. McCartney

Thanks. I've just peppered my keyboard and monitor with coffee that was sprayed from my nose.

[Medilloni 6]

Thanks. I've just peppered my keyboard and monitor with coffee that was sprayed from my nose.

You heartless swine Autumn. THAT was a love song what Monza wrote if ever I heard one, sublime indeed.

Does anyone remeber Rolf Harris's 'Jake the Peg' Mit der extra leg, deedle eedle diddle um?

[Grabthaw the Hammerslayer 4]

You heartless swine Autumn. THAT was a love song what Monza wrote if ever I heard one, sublime indeed.

Does anyone remeber Rolf Harris's 'Jake the Peg' Mit der extra leg, deedle eedle diddle um?

How could I forget.... (....the horror...)

Hang on a minute "mit der...."

It was *YOU* in the video with Max, wasn't it???!!!

[LabradoRacer 2]

Since we're (or rather, were) on the topic of animal news, chew on this:

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_28060...ies.animaltales

A foul-mouthed parrot, who once told a vicar to f*** off, has been teaching other birds how to swear.

Barney the macaw has refused to clean up his act despite being taken to a language specialist, reports Metro.

His most shocking outburst was when he told a mayoress, a vicar and two police officers to 'f*** off' and called them 'w******' when they visited Warwickshire Wildlife Sanctuary in Nuneaton.

And the seven-year-old macaw has now been spreading his obscene vocabulary to two other parrots, Sam and Charlie, at the centre.

Owner Geoff Grewc#ck said: 'It sounds like a builders' yard sometimes when we come in here, what with all the abuse flying about.

"They just sit there swearing at each other now, all kind of foul language - it's unbelievable."

He said the terrible trio's favourite rude words were 'f*** off', 'b*****ks' and 't**s'.

Mr Grewc#ck added: "These birds can live until they are 70 so there are potentially another 60 years of this to contend with."

Parrot expert Rob Harvey said birds usually talk to get the attention of their owners.

He added: "This case is so unusual because parrots are copying another parrot."

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[goferrarigo 0]

Glad to see you back, Jay...

[Rainmaster 7]

Since we're (or rather, were) on the topic of animal news, chew on this:

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_28060...ies.animaltales

Glad to see you back, Jay...

Yup I second that..

[Grabthaw the Hammerslayer 4]

Thirded

...and another classic animal news story:

http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn4343...be-hot-air.html

(the clue is in the URL)

"It sounds just like a high-pitched raspberry" - this made me laugh

[dribbler 6]

You heartless swine Autumn. THAT was a love song what Monza wrote if ever I heard one, sublime indeed.

Does anyone remeber Rolf Harris's 'Jake the Peg' Mit der extra leg, deedle eedle diddle um?

An alien lands, you explain the world to him and he gets it. Then you have to explain Rolf Harris; you are stumped.