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Best Joke Ever ;)


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#1 lechilka26

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Posted 27 August 2006 - 04:27 AM


Excuse me for offtop, it too funny, haha! :)

Why it is good to be a man?

1. Your a## is never a factor in a job interview.
2. Your orgasms are real. Always.
3. Your last name stays put.
4. The garage is all yours.
5. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
8. You don't give a rat's a## if someone notices your new haircut.
9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
10. Same work .. more pay.
11. Wrinkles-add character.
12. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
13. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
14. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
15. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
17. One mood, ALL the damn time.  
18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.
19. A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase.
20. You can open all your own jars.  
26. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me.".
27. No maxi-pads.
28. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.  
29. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
30. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
31. You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.
32. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
33. Your belly usually hides your big hips.

so fuunnyy :) )


#2 AutoRacer5

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Posted 27 August 2006 - 07:01 AM

Man walks into an adult store:

Salesman: What do you want?
Man: Inflatable doll.
Salesman: Male or female?
Man: Female
Salesman: Black or white?
Man: White
Salesman: Christian or Muslim?
Man: Why does it matter?
Salesman: The Muslim one blows itself up!
Posted Image
Posted Image
Posted Image
Nobody bitched when McLaren and Williams dominated F1...

www.f1weekly.com

AutoRacer5 vs. Ecapdeville on Fight Night Round 3:
6-1

AutoRacer5 vs. Ecapdeville on Forza Motorsport:
4-4

View PostUrKo, on Sep 10 2006, 4:06 PM, said:

....parabolica is in S2.....


My blog: http://openwheelrants.vox.com/

#3 ykickamoocow

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Posted 27 August 2006 - 07:11 AM

View PostAutoRacer5, on Aug 27 2006, 05:01 PM, said:

Man walks into an adult store:

Salesman: What do you want?
Man: Inflatable doll.
Salesman: Male or female?
Man: Female
Salesman: Black or white?
Man: White
Salesman: Christian or Muslim?
Man: Why does it matter?
Salesman: The Muslim one blows itself up!

That gets the bad taste prize.
Posted Image

DC: "I am not motivated by recognition, I just do things I like doing - racing, shagging, eating and drinking."

Dave Hughes: Taking drugs is like taking a ride to New Zealand on a concorde. The trip is good but once you land you end up in a bad place."  

Officially the most bias member of the totalf1 forum

#4 pumpdoc

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Posted 27 August 2006 - 02:21 PM

View Postykickamoocow, on Aug 27 2006, 12:11 AM, said:

That gets the bad taste prize.

Oh have a laugh :D
"Moving to Montana soon, gonna be a dentill floss tycoon"
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Forza Italiano!!!!!!!!

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#5 AutoRacer5

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Posted 27 August 2006 - 03:21 PM

Yeah ykick! Come on man...
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Nobody bitched when McLaren and Williams dominated F1...

www.f1weekly.com

AutoRacer5 vs. Ecapdeville on Fight Night Round 3:
6-1

AutoRacer5 vs. Ecapdeville on Forza Motorsport:
4-4

View PostUrKo, on Sep 10 2006, 4:06 PM, said:

....parabolica is in S2.....


My blog: http://openwheelrants.vox.com/

#6 Jenson_Rules

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Posted 27 August 2006 - 06:16 PM

:lol: classic AR5
IT'S BRITNEY BITCH!!!
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#7 Blitzkrieg

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Posted 27 August 2006 - 06:34 PM

View PostAutoRacer5, on Aug 27 2006, 07:01 AM, said:

Man walks into an adult store:

Salesman: What do you want?
Man: Inflatable doll.
Salesman: Male or female?
Man: Female
Salesman: Black or white?
Man: White
Salesman: Christian or Muslim?
Man: Why does it matter?
Salesman: The Muslim one blows itself up!
LOL GOOD ONE!

#8 AutoRacer5

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Posted 27 August 2006 - 07:33 PM

aye, it is. Always glad to put in religious humor. I wonder if Bassaam will chime in, or he's left after the Muhammad cartoon deal.
Posted Image
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Posted Image
Nobody bitched when McLaren and Williams dominated F1...

www.f1weekly.com

AutoRacer5 vs. Ecapdeville on Fight Night Round 3:
6-1

AutoRacer5 vs. Ecapdeville on Forza Motorsport:
4-4

View PostUrKo, on Sep 10 2006, 4:06 PM, said:

....parabolica is in S2.....


My blog: http://openwheelrants.vox.com/

#9 Max Mosley

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Posted 27 August 2006 - 08:19 PM

Cheers for the jokes chaps!
To be a willing slave of a loving God's commands,
That's the key to a freedom that I'll never understand.

--Shad K., biggest thing out of Canada since Pamela's double Ds.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream.

--Mark Twain (1835-1910)

#10 Autumnpuma

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Posted 27 August 2006 - 11:14 PM

View Postykickamoocow, on Aug 27 2006, 12:11 AM, said:

That gets the bad taste prize.

ykick is training to become the Aussie Prime Minister, Bruce, so don't be too hard on him!! Deep down he found that funny... ;)
Don't rest in peace, Bruce. Raise Hell.
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That's all I'll ever need.
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#11 Sato

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Posted 28 August 2006 - 02:32 AM

I bet all the Muslism found it hilarious aswell.
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#12 Autumnpuma

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Posted 28 August 2006 - 05:35 AM

View PostSato, on Aug 27 2006, 07:32 PM, said:

I bet all the Muslism found it hilarious aswell.

All the ones with a sense of humor....the others probably want to cut off somebody's head (tough crowd).

Edited by Autumnpuma, 28 August 2006 - 05:35 AM.

Don't rest in peace, Bruce. Raise Hell.
Posted Image
______
Give me a roof over my head, some food to eat and a fast car. That's all I need.
That's all I'll ever need.
----Robert Kubica


"Gilles was the last great driver. The rest of us are just a bunch of good professionals."
----Alain Prost


The only true sports are motor racing and mountain climbing; everything else is just a game.

TF1 Blogs: be afraid, be very, very afraid..........

#13 AutoRacer5

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Posted 28 August 2006 - 11:19 AM

I got no respect...

/Rodney Dangerfield.
Posted Image
Posted Image
Posted Image
Nobody bitched when McLaren and Williams dominated F1...

www.f1weekly.com

AutoRacer5 vs. Ecapdeville on Fight Night Round 3:
6-1

AutoRacer5 vs. Ecapdeville on Forza Motorsport:
4-4

View PostUrKo, on Sep 10 2006, 4:06 PM, said:

....parabolica is in S2.....


My blog: http://openwheelrants.vox.com/

#14 Jean Todt

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Posted 30 August 2006 - 07:38 AM

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him.

“I don’t know what to do,” says the Devil. “You’re on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’ve got three people here who weren’t quite as bad as you. I’ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place.
I’ll even let YOU decide who leaves.”

George thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed.

The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over, such was his fate in Hell.

“No!” George said. “I don’t think so. I’m not a good swimmer and I don’t think I could do that all day long.”

The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

“No! I’ve got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!” commented George.

The Devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, “Yeah, I can handle this.”

The Devil smiled and said, “Monica, you’re free to go!”

#15 AutoRacer5

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Posted 30 August 2006 - 11:27 AM

brilliant.
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Nobody bitched when McLaren and Williams dominated F1...

www.f1weekly.com

AutoRacer5 vs. Ecapdeville on Fight Night Round 3:
6-1

AutoRacer5 vs. Ecapdeville on Forza Motorsport:
4-4

View PostUrKo, on Sep 10 2006, 4:06 PM, said:

....parabolica is in S2.....


My blog: http://openwheelrants.vox.com/

#16 Max Mosley

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Posted 31 August 2006 - 06:22 PM

Superb!
To be a willing slave of a loving God's commands,
That's the key to a freedom that I'll never understand.

--Shad K., biggest thing out of Canada since Pamela's double Ds.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream.

--Mark Twain (1835-1910)

#17 AutoRacer5

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Posted 31 August 2006 - 09:33 PM

What did NASA stand for after the Columbia Space shuttle blew up?

Need
Another
Seven
Astronauts
Posted Image
Posted Image
Posted Image
Nobody bitched when McLaren and Williams dominated F1...

www.f1weekly.com

AutoRacer5 vs. Ecapdeville on Fight Night Round 3:
6-1

AutoRacer5 vs. Ecapdeville on Forza Motorsport:
4-4

View PostUrKo, on Sep 10 2006, 4:06 PM, said:

....parabolica is in S2.....


My blog: http://openwheelrants.vox.com/

#18 pumpdoc

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Posted 01 September 2006 - 01:41 AM

View PostAutoRacer5, on Aug 31 2006, 02:33 PM, said:

What did NASA stand for after the Columbia Space shuttle blew up?

Need
Another
Seven
Astronauts


:nono1:
"Moving to Montana soon, gonna be a dentill floss tycoon"
Livestrong                                        

Forza Ferrari!!!!!
Forza Italiano!!!!!!!!

"I reject your reality and substitute my own"------Adam--Mythbusters

#19 cavallino

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Posted 01 September 2006 - 02:00 AM

View PostAutoRacer5, on Sep 1 2006, 07:33 AM, said:

What did NASA stand for after the Columbia Space shuttle blew up?

Need
Another
Seven
Astronauts


:lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:

What a quality joke

Some people have no sense of humour

Are you training to be the American president Bruce?

Hypocrisy at its finest...
A lot of unpleasant things are happening in Formula 1, with one manufacturer leaving after the other

- Kimi Raikkonen on his reasons for leaving Formula 1 for the WRC

#20 Blitzkrieg

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Posted 01 September 2006 - 03:25 AM

View PostAutoRacer5, on Aug 31 2006, 09:33 PM, said:

What did NASA stand for after the Columbia Space shuttle blew up?

Need
Another
Seven
Astronauts

lol another good one!

btw did you get those scores with the playstation pescarlo?

#21 cavallino

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Posted 01 September 2006 - 09:13 AM

Posted Image

Posted Image

:lmavfa: Aren't 9/11 cartoons the funniest thing in the world
A lot of unpleasant things are happening in Formula 1, with one manufacturer leaving after the other

- Kimi Raikkonen on his reasons for leaving Formula 1 for the WRC

#22 AutoRacer5

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Posted 01 September 2006 - 11:22 AM

View PostBlitzkreig, on Aug 31 2006, 10:25 PM, said:

lol another good one!

btw did you get those scores with the playstation pescarlo?
yes, the 2004 one.

Why is Christa McAullife no longer a Science teacher? (She was on Challenger in 1986)

A: Because she's HISTORY!
Posted Image
Posted Image
Posted Image
Nobody bitched when McLaren and Williams dominated F1...

www.f1weekly.com

AutoRacer5 vs. Ecapdeville on Fight Night Round 3:
6-1

AutoRacer5 vs. Ecapdeville on Forza Motorsport:
4-4

View PostUrKo, on Sep 10 2006, 4:06 PM, said:

....parabolica is in S2.....


My blog: http://openwheelrants.vox.com/

#23 Jean Todt

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Posted 11 September 2006 - 06:09 PM

View PostAutoRacer5, on Sep 1 2006, 11:22 AM, said:

yes, the 2004 one.

Why is Christa McAullife no longer a Science teacher? (She was on Challenger in 1986)

A: Because she's HISTORY!

  any one knows the full form of USA?
  under
  skirt
  adminstration!(guys...kidn! )

View PostAutoRacer5, on Sep 1 2006, 11:22 AM, said:

yes, the 2004 one.

Why is Christa McAullife no longer a Science teacher? (She was on Challenger in 1986)

A: Because she's HISTORY!
:clap3:  :blink:

#24 AutoRacer5

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Posted 11 September 2006 - 09:01 PM

Why are Christa McAullife's eyes blue?

A: One BLEW RIGHT, one BLEW LEFT.
Posted Image
Posted Image
Posted Image
Nobody bitched when McLaren and Williams dominated F1...

www.f1weekly.com

AutoRacer5 vs. Ecapdeville on Fight Night Round 3:
6-1

AutoRacer5 vs. Ecapdeville on Forza Motorsport:
4-4

View PostUrKo, on Sep 10 2006, 4:06 PM, said:

....parabolica is in S2.....


My blog: http://openwheelrants.vox.com/

#25 bajo39

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Posted 11 September 2006 - 09:33 PM

View PostAutoRacer5, on Aug 27 2006, 03:01 AM, said:

Man walks into an adult store:

Salesman: What do you want?
Man: Inflatable doll.
Salesman: Male or female?
Man: Female
Salesman: Black or white?
Man: White
Salesman: Christian or Muslim?
Man: Why does it matter?
Salesman: The Muslim one blows itself up!
:lol:
"I knew I'd been beaten by the best driver in the world"
      -Rene Arnoux on his epic last lap battle with Gilles Villeneuve at Dijon 1979.

Watch it here!

#26 suomenpankki

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Posted 12 September 2006 - 11:56 AM

Headlines From Year 2029

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world; Mexifornia, formerly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the AmericanTerritory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Cheney's daughter has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. :blink:

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.
http://b.f1-facts.com/ul/a/4 (these are cool, let´s go back)
"We have everything we need, and we will win in 2007," he insisted. "We have the means, the money and the motivation."
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing"

#27 bajo39

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Posted 12 September 2006 - 12:32 PM

View Postsuomenpankki, on Sep 12 2006, 07:56 AM, said:

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. :blink:
:lol:
"I knew I'd been beaten by the best driver in the world"
      -Rene Arnoux on his epic last lap battle with Gilles Villeneuve at Dijon 1979.

Watch it here!

#28 AutoRacer5

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Posted 12 September 2006 - 09:21 PM

Weird News Headline:

Tornado hits cemetary. Thousands Dead.
Posted Image
Posted Image
Posted Image
Nobody bitched when McLaren and Williams dominated F1...

www.f1weekly.com

AutoRacer5 vs. Ecapdeville on Fight Night Round 3:
6-1

AutoRacer5 vs. Ecapdeville on Forza Motorsport:
4-4

View PostUrKo, on Sep 10 2006, 4:06 PM, said:

....parabolica is in S2.....


My blog: http://openwheelrants.vox.com/

#29 ecapdeville

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Posted 13 September 2006 - 01:05 AM

View PostAutoRacer5, on Sep 12 2006, 04:21 PM, said:

Weird News Headline:

Tornado hits cemetary. Thousands Dead.

<_<

View Postsuomenpankki, on Sep 12 2006, 06:56 AM, said:

Headlines From Year 2029

Mexifornia, formerly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. :blink:


Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

:clap3:
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#30 AutoRacer5

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Posted 28 September 2006 - 11:11 AM

What is a muslim's favorite food?

Meccaroni and cheese!
Posted Image
Posted Image
Posted Image
Nobody bitched when McLaren and Williams dominated F1...

www.f1weekly.com

AutoRacer5 vs. Ecapdeville on Fight Night Round 3:
6-1

AutoRacer5 vs. Ecapdeville on Forza Motorsport:
4-4

View PostUrKo, on Sep 10 2006, 4:06 PM, said:

....parabolica is in S2.....


My blog: http://openwheelrants.vox.com/




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