Quiet One 15 Report post Posted December 15, 2007 Ok, this was an article written by an argentinian named Hernan Casciari, a rather funny guy that became a cult figure thanks to his blog. I think this is a funny view on different stereotypes. The translation is going to be a little tricky, but it's worth trying. You don't have to agree with his views, of course, but I hope you can appreciate the sense of humour, despite the poor translation *********************************************** I read once that "Argentina isn't better or worse than Spain. Just younger". I liked that theory so I came up with a trick to discover the age of each country based on the "dog-system" Since we were kids, we've been told that to know whether a dog is young or old you need to multiply its age by 7. As for countries, you need to divide their age by 14 to know their correspondent "human" age. Confused? I will put some enlightening examples in this article. Argentina was born in 1816, so it's 190 years old. Divided by 14, Argentina has a "human" age of about 13 and a half years that is, is in that stupid age (we call it "the turkey age"). It's rebellious, horny, has no memory, replies without thinking and it's filled with pimples. Almost every country in Latin America has the same age, and as usual in these cases, they form gangs. The Mercosur gang (Mercosur is an economic union formed, initially, by Argentina, Uruguay, Paraguay and Brazil) is composed by 4 teenagers that have a rock band. They rehearse in a gargage, make lots of noise yet never released a single album. Venezuela has little titties, and it's about to join them to sing the chorus. Actually, like most girls her age, wants to get laid, in this case with Brazil which has a huge sex. Mexico is a teenager, too, but with indian ancestors. That is why he rarely laughs out loud and doesn't even smokes a harmless joint, like the rest of his friends. Instead, he chews some peyote and teams up with USA, a mental retard of 17 years, who attacks starving 6 years old from other continents. On the other end of the world there's ancient China. If we divide her 1,200 years by 14 we will get an old lady of 85, conservative, smelling of cat's pee, that spends all day eating rice because she has not enough money, yet, to get some false teeth. China has an 8 years old grandson, Taiwan, who drives her crazy. She's divorced from Japan since a while ago. Japan is an old grumpy man, who went to live together with Filipinas, a young kid willing to do whatever abhorrent act she's asked to for some money. Then come the countries that have just reached adulthood and go for a ride in their father's BMW. For example, Australia and Canada, your typical countries that grew up protected by daddy England and mommy France, under a strict and somewhat snob education, and that now like to act like rebels. Australia is a young lady of little more than 18 years who likes to go topless and has sex with South Africa; while Canada is an emancipated gay young man, that any minute soon will adopt baby Greenland to form one of those "alternative" families that are so fashionable nowadays. France is a divorced 36 year old, and a total bitch, but very respected in the professional field. She has a barely 6 years old son, Monaco, that's on his way to become a fag or a ballet dancer...or both. Every now and then, France engages in some casual sex with Germany, a wealthy truck driver that is married to Austria, who knows she is being cheated on but does not care. Italy is a widow since long ago. Spends her days taking care of San Marino and the Vatican, two catholic sons not unlike the Flander's kids. She was once married to Germany (they didn't last long, but they have a girl, Swiss). Italy does not want to have anything more with men for now. Italy would like to be a woman like Belgium: a lawyer, independent, who wears pants and talks about politics with men. (Belgium also has fantasies sometimes about knowing how to cook spaghetti) Spain is the most beautiful woman in Europe (perhaps France sometimes overshadows her, but loses spontaneity for using so much parfum). Loves to walk around showing her tits and is always drunk. Usually lets England fukc her and then goes to the police to fill a rape report. Spain has kids everywhere (almost all of them 13 years old) that live far away. She loves them all very much, but gets p**sed that everytime they get hungry they go to her house and reap her freezer. Another one that has lots of kids is England. Goes night sailing, fools around with nubile girls and 9 months later a new island appears somwhere in the map. But he does not leaves them unatended. Usually the islands live with their mother, but England send them some money. Scotland and Ireland, England's brothers that live upstairs, are drunk all day and don't even know how to play football, they are the family's black sheeps. Sweden and Norway are two almsot 40 years old lesbians with a hot body, despite her age, but live in their own private world. They shag and work, because they have a PhD in something. Sometimes they make a threesome with Holland (when they need some pot); sometimes they flirt with Finland, a half androginous guy 30 years old, who lives alone in a cellar with no furniture and spends his days speaking with Korea through his cell phone. South Korea lives afraid of her schizoid sister. They're twins, but the northern one drank amniotic liquid at birth and became stupid. Spent her childhood wearing guns and now that she lives on her own is capable of anything. USA, the 17 years old retard, keeps an eye on her, not because of fear, but because he wants to take her guns. Israel is a 62 years old intelectual, who had a s##tty life. A few years ago Germany, the truck driver, didn't saw Israel and almost runs him over. Since then Israel went nuts. Now, instead of reading books, spends all they at the roof throwing rocks at Palestine, a girl that is doingh her laundry in the house next door. Iran and Irak are two cousins 16 years old that used to steal bikes and sell the spare parts, until one day they stole a bike from USA and he closed their business. Now they are crying and screaming. The world was fine like this, until one day Rusia and Perestroika went to live together (without getting married) and had about a dozen and a half kids. All weird, some of them retards, others with schizofrenia. A week ago and thanks to a mess with shotguns and deaths, we responsible inhabitants of the world discovered that there's a country called Kabardino-Balkaria. A country with a flag, a president, an anthem, flora and fauna...even people! It scares me a little that infant counrtiues like these appear suddenly. That we had to learn about it by the papers and that we have to act as if we already knew about them, so as not to look like ignorant fools. And I ask myself: Why do new counrties keep appearing, if the existing ones still don't work? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pumpdoc 2 Report post Posted December 16, 2007 You live in one fuked up country................................ Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet One 15 Report post Posted December 16, 2007 You live in one fuked up country................................ I know! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Max Mosley 2 Report post Posted December 16, 2007 daddy England and mommy France Yeah baby! Very funny article, Andres. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
elgo 1 Report post Posted December 16, 2007 yeah,nice read! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rainmaster 7 Report post Posted December 16, 2007 I know! *treads carefully* You shouldn't take that from an American Anyway nice article Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shampion 0 Report post Posted December 18, 2007 You live in one fuked up country................................ Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pabloh20 1 Report post Posted December 18, 2007 I think that's terrible, Andres. I wouldn't mock your country like that. Join in a song with me now................. Don't cry for me, Marge and Tina wrong words Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet One 15 Report post Posted December 18, 2007 I think that's terrible, Andres. I wouldn't mock your country like that. Join in a song with me now.................Don't cry for me, Marge and Tina wrong words That's too funny!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LabradoRacer 2 Report post Posted December 18, 2007 If it's "Persons as countries" , I'd be a banana republic. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet One 15 Report post Posted December 18, 2007 If it's "Persons as countries" , I'd be a banana republic. Don't flatter yourself so much Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pabloh20 1 Report post Posted December 18, 2007 If it's "Persons as countries" , I'd be a banana republic. Not Virginia? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LabradoRacer 2 Report post Posted December 18, 2007 Don't flatter yourself so much Not Virginia? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kopite Girl 0 Report post Posted December 18, 2007 Brilliant article!! Made me laugh! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ecapdeville 0 Report post Posted December 18, 2007 Hey, Andres, where can I read the original text? (in spanish of course) wonder what Puma would say about this... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet One 15 Report post Posted December 18, 2007 Sure! It was sent to me in an email. While looking for a link to send you, I found the original one! It seems it uses way more rude words than the one I was sent Anyways, here it is: La verdadera edad de los pa Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pabloh20 1 Report post Posted December 19, 2007 Sure! It was sent to me in an email. While looking for a link to send you, I found the original one! It seems it uses way more rude words than the one I was sent Anyways, here it is: La verdadera edad de los pa Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
devilsinskirtsisback 0 Report post Posted December 21, 2007 Germany, a wealthy truck driver that is married to Austria, who knows she is being cheated on but does not care. A 10 year old married truck driver? I knew they were more liberal about some things over there, but that takes the biscuit. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
