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#301 Grabthaw the Hammerslayer

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Posted 29 September 2009 - 06:55 AM

View PostGirl Racer, on 29 September 2009 - 06:51 AM, said:


Are you kidding about or are you serious? :-o

Nah, he's kidding, he supports Kubica, that's disgusting and perverted.... :)






(ONLY JOKING PIOTR!!!)

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#302 Kopite Girl

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Posted 29 September 2009 - 04:21 PM

A choirboy enters confession after mass one day.
'Bless me father I have sinned.'

The priest asks 'Is that you Tommy O'Docherty. What is it a choirboy could possibly have done?'

Tommy answers 'Well father, I did the naughty thing with a girl my age. I'm no longer a virgin, father.'

The priest looks shocked. 'Was it Mary Donelly?'

'No father.'

'Lucy O'Bannon?'

'No father.'

'Evie Patrick?'

'No father.'

'Ok, your penance is you can no longer be a choirboy for the next three months. Go away think about what you've done young Tommy.' says the priest, sadly.

Tommy walks away to his friend who asked him what he got.

'Three good leads and three months off.'
In the sweetest child, there's a vicious streak.
In the strongest man, there's a child so weak.
In the whole wide world, there's no magic place.
So you might as well rise, put on your bravest face.

Though we might have precious little...
It's still precious.

Rush - Bravest Face

#303 Kopite Girl

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Posted 29 September 2009 - 04:24 PM

Edit - double post. Sorry!

Edited by Girl Racer, 30 September 2009 - 07:29 PM.

In the sweetest child, there's a vicious streak.
In the strongest man, there's a child so weak.
In the whole wide world, there's no magic place.
So you might as well rise, put on your bravest face.

Though we might have precious little...
It's still precious.

Rush - Bravest Face

#304 LabradoRacer

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Posted 04 October 2009 - 07:24 AM

I no longer hate faggots.

#305 Jean Todt

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Posted 04 October 2009 - 09:50 AM

View PostGirl Racer, on 29 September 2009 - 04:21 PM, said:

A choirboy enters confession after mass one day.
'Bless me father I have sinned.'

The priest asks 'Is that you Tommy O'Docherty. What is it a choirboy could possibly have done?'

Tommy answers 'Well father, I did the naughty thing with a girl my age. I'm no longer a virgin, father.'

The priest looks shocked. 'Was it Mary Donelly?'

'No father.'

'Lucy O'Bannon?'

'No father.'

'Evie Patrick?'

'No father.'

'Ok, your penance is you can no longer be a choirboy for the next three months. Go away think about what you've done young Tommy.' says the priest, sadly.

Tommy walks away to his friend who asked him what he got.

'Three good leads and three months off.'

:lol:

#306 Argento Reloaded

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Posted 15 October 2009 - 03:25 PM

Why supermodels has one more neuron than horses?

To avoid pis##ing and Sh#t###ng at the catwalk!

Attached Files


"Fashion dates but Logic is Timeless" Alec Isigonis

#307 AutoRacer5

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Posted 20 October 2009 - 06:21 PM

Anyone ever hear a deaf girl orgasm?

Neither has she.
Posted Image
Posted Image
Posted Image
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View PostUrKo, on Sep 10 2006, 4:06 PM, said:

....parabolica is in S2.....


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#308 Piotr

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Posted 21 October 2009 - 12:42 AM

View PostGirl Racer, on 29 September 2009 - 06:51 AM, said:

Are you kidding about or are you serious? :-o


I'll NEVER tell!
Posted Image Posted Image
(What do YOU think??)Posted Image

Edited by Piotr, 21 October 2009 - 12:43 AM.

" The game over, man! The game over!" Bill Paxton, "Aliens"

#309 Piotr

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Posted 21 October 2009 - 12:45 AM

View Postmeanioni, on 29 September 2009 - 06:55 AM, said:

Nah, he's kidding, he supports Kubica, that's disgusting and perverted.... Posted Image






(ONLY JOKING PIOTR!!!)

Welll... at least I didn't snuggle to him to have a picture taken. AND I've  never kissed Herr Doktorrr Mario (unlike SOME members of this site, KATI...)
" The game over, man! The game over!" Bill Paxton, "Aliens"

#310 armil

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Posted 21 October 2009 - 06:36 AM

a young has a extreme painful migraine all day for several days, he decides to go to the doctor after a ton of exams and tests, the doctor said I have 2 news to you 1 good and 1 bad, the good one is we know what is causing you head ache, but the bad news is your testicles are pressing the base of your spine thats the cause of your constant head ache, we need to castrate you or you will live all your live with the pain. so he decide to have the operation done and after he is free to leave the hospital feel a little bad and decide to go buy a suit to cheer things a little. go to a men clothes stores and told the salesmen he need a new suit, the salesman said ohhh you are a 46 large, and the pants are 36 right?, the guy astonished said yes perfect how do you know? the salesman respond is my job!, try the suit and fits like a glove so he decide to buy a shirt, the salesman said you are 42 normal with a sleeve of 14 and a neck of 8 3/4 the man said wow how do you know my exact measures, and the salesman said is my job to know those things. so the man decide to buy a pair of shoes the salesman said 10.5 double E, the man said wow thats amazing how do you know all that and the salesman humble said is my job the man try everything and fit perfectly. finally decide to buy underwear the salesman said you use a 36 brief, then the man said Nop thats wrong I always use 34. the salesman said thats no possible because if you use a 34 brief then your testicles will press your spine creating a severe head ache.....

Sorry for the English
Mario

#311 Rainmaster

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Posted 21 October 2009 - 01:57 PM

View Postarmil, on 21 October 2009 - 06:36 AM, said:

a young has a extreme painful migraine all day for several days, he decides to go to the doctor after a ton of exams and tests, the doctor said I have 2 news to you 1 good and 1 bad, the good one is we know what is causing you head ache, but the bad news is your testicles are pressing the base of your spine thats the cause of your constant head ache, we need to castrate you or you will live all your live with the pain. so he decide to have the operation done and after he is free to leave the hospital feel a little bad and decide to go buy a suit to cheer things a little. go to a men clothes stores and told the salesmen he need a new suit, the salesman said ohhh you are a 46 large, and the pants are 36 right?, the guy astonished said yes perfect how do you know? the salesman respond is my job!, try the suit and fits like a glove so he decide to buy a shirt, the salesman said you are 42 normal with a sleeve of 14 and a neck of 8 3/4 the man said wow how do you know my exact measures, and the salesman said is my job to know those things. so the man decide to buy a pair of shoes the salesman said 10.5 double E, the man said wow thats amazing how do you know all that and the salesman humble said is my job the man try everything and fit perfectly. finally decide to buy underwear the salesman said you use a 36 brief, then the man said Nop thats wrong I always use 34. the salesman said thats no possible because if you use a 34 brief then your testicles will press your spine creating a severe head ache.....

Sorry for the English
Mario

:lol: Love it! :D
Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness ~ Ludwig Wittgenstein

#312 Jean Todt

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Posted 21 October 2009 - 02:31 PM

View Postarmil, on 21 October 2009 - 06:36 AM, said:

a young has a extreme painful migraine all day for several days, he decides to go to the doctor after a ton of exams and tests, the doctor said I have 2 news to you 1 good and 1 bad, the good one is we know what is causing you head ache, but the bad news is your testicles are pressing the base of your spine thats the cause of your constant head ache, we need to castrate you or you will live all your live with the pain. so he decide to have the operation done and after he is free to leave the hospital feel a little bad and decide to go buy a suit to cheer things a little. go to a men clothes stores and told the salesmen he need a new suit, the salesman said ohhh you are a 46 large, and the pants are 36 right?, the guy astonished said yes perfect how do you know? the salesman respond is my job!, try the suit and fits like a glove so he decide to buy a shirt, the salesman said you are 42 normal with a sleeve of 14 and a neck of 8 3/4 the man said wow how do you know my exact measures, and the salesman said is my job to know those things. so the man decide to buy a pair of shoes the salesman said 10.5 double E, the man said wow thats amazing how do you know all that and the salesman humble said is my job the man try everything and fit perfectly. finally decide to buy underwear the salesman said you use a 36 brief, then the man said Nop thats wrong I always use 34. the salesman said thats no possible because if you use a 34 brief then your testicles will press your spine creating a severe head ache.....

Sorry for the English
Mario

:clap3:

#313 Argento Reloaded

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Posted 24 October 2009 - 12:44 AM

- Hey, John do you like threesomes?
- Yes, of course
- Hurry up home, your wife is starting without you!
"Fashion dates but Logic is Timeless" Alec Isigonis

#314 LabradoRacer

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Posted 30 October 2009 - 04:58 AM

What's yellow & goes up & down?

Answer: A Jap on a trampoline.


(Joke in collaboration with Graham Spink)

#315 medilloni

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Posted 30 October 2009 - 01:44 PM

View Postarmil, on 21 October 2009 - 06:36 AM, said:

a young has a extreme painful migraine...................severe head ache.....

Sorry for the English
Mario

:lol:  Brilliant!



Cheating a bit, not a joke but a funny scribe from thedailymash.........

Quote

MEAT-EATERS TO FINALLY BE TREATED LIKE SMOKERS  

MEAT-eaters are, at long last, to be treated like smokers, it has been confirmed.


Lord Stern, author of the UK government climate change report How Come You're Not Dead Yet?, said meat-eating must join alcohol and tobacco on the anti-social behaviour register and called for a massive increase in funding to make you feel like an utter Sh#t, even in your dreams.

In advance of the Copenhagen summit on climate change he claimed that too many people had failed to grasp the implications of global warming and insisted that anyone who had cottage pie last night should be fired from their job, locked in a trunk and chemically sterilised to prevent them from corrupting as yet unborn vegetarians.

He added: "The thing about meat-eating is it uses up a huge amount of meat. This is meat that could be used to make wind turbines."  [my note: the article uses a picture of three cows as the blades on a wind turbine]

Meanwhile a group of environmental charities has already commissioned a series of television adverts designed to educate the public about how meat-eating kills polar bears, especially if you then intend to eat them like some kind of Eskimo.

In one film a parent is seen lifting a ham sandwich to his mouth. As it nears his lips his child starts crying hysterically. When the parent moves the sandwich away from his mouth the child stops crying immediately.

The parent then moves the sandwich back and forth as the child cries and then stops crying in perfect synchronisation. The parent then looks into the camera, smiles knowingly and throws the sandwich in the bin.

And in another advert a child is shown being slowly roasted on a spit alongside the caption 'Oi! meat-eaters! Why don't you just eat your ****ing kid?'.

Tom Logan, a pork enjoyer from Hatfield, said: "I am amazed it has taken this long."

Edited by medilloni, 30 October 2009 - 01:45 PM.

"Avoiding problems you need to face, is avoiding the life you need to live."

"...when I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse... I turned to look but it was gone, I cannot put my finger on it now. The child is grown. The dream is gone..."

#316 LabradoRacer

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Posted 08 November 2009 - 01:47 AM

This one time, I had withdrawn money from the ATM & had overfed my otherwise anorexic wallet. As I was walking along, trying to hard to do so in a straight line, (the crowds here make it impossible even for a sober guy to walk more than a few feet in a straight line) the inevitable happened. A woman walking ahead of me, & whose arms were flailing all over the place, made contact with my bulging wallet. She turned around with a disgusted scream. She looked at me with such disgust & hate, apparently thinking that she had touched my hard-on. All I wanted to do was laugh my a## off. I swear, controlling my laughter then drained up all my reserves of willpower.

#317 LabradoRacer

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Posted 20 November 2009 - 08:24 PM

Dull: The percentage of men with sexually transmitted diseases is increasing.

Fun: An increasing number of one-eyed snakes are turning poisonous.

#318 Schumikonen

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Posted 20 November 2009 - 08:38 PM

View PostLabradoRacer, on 08 November 2009 - 01:47 AM, said:

This one time, I had withdrawn money from the ATM & had overfed my otherwise anorexic wallet. As I was walking along, trying to hard to do so in a straight line, (the crowds here make it impossible even for a sober guy to walk more than a few feet in a straight line) the inevitable happened. A woman walking ahead of me, & whose arms were flailing all over the place, made contact with my bulging wallet. She turned around with a disgusted scream. She looked at me with such disgust & hate, apparently thinking that she had touched my hard-on. All I wanted to do was laugh my a## off. I swear, controlling my laughter then drained up all my reserves of willpower.
Why she did that? after all she was the one who "touched" what she wasn't suppose to touch, she got to be more careful or next time she will touch it.
Posted Image

Kimi Raikkonen: It is the same thing that I said before. I have no interest in driving for a bad team next year. If I race here, I always try to finish as high as I can. I don't need anything to motivate me. If I drive, I drive to do my best and that is it.
jemstride:
"I get the feeling that Alonso fans tend to heap over-praise on Alonso and bring down Kimi whenever they can, with mere theories and unjustified statements."
I just always end up disagreeing with you guys because of all the huge exaggerations, myths, theories & unjustified statements

Lewis Hamilton:
I never go with expectations, I go with a target. That is to be at the front, and the ultimate aim to win, which is the mentality I have always gone racing with.
You've got to be on the limit all the time - and I love that, because that's how I love to race.

#319 LabradoRacer

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Posted 20 November 2009 - 08:43 PM

View PostSchumikonen, on 20 November 2009 - 08:38 PM, said:

Why she did that?


Perhaps she's one of those women who think sex is dirty & is a sin to be suffered for the sake of making children.

#320 AutoRacer5

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Posted 21 November 2009 - 06:27 AM

Jesus walks into a hotel.
Receptionist asks him "What can I do for you?"
Jesus hands the guy three nails.
Receptionist asks "What do I do with these?"
Jesus says, "Can you put me up for the night?"
Posted Image
Posted Image
Posted Image
Nobody bitched when McLaren and Williams dominated F1...

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AutoRacer5 vs. Ecapdeville on Fight Night Round 3:
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AutoRacer5 vs. Ecapdeville on Forza Motorsport:
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View PostUrKo, on Sep 10 2006, 4:06 PM, said:

....parabolica is in S2.....


My blog: http://openwheelrants.vox.com/

#321 mikathegreat2

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Posted 21 November 2009 - 02:07 PM

View PostAutoRacer5, on 21 November 2009 - 06:27 AM, said:

Jesus walks into a hotel.
Receptionist asks him "What can I do for you?"
Jesus hands the guy three nails.
Receptionist asks "What do I do with these?"
Jesus says, "Can you put me up for the night?"
:clap3:
Dan is currently playing: with himself...

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#322 Schumikonen

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Posted 21 November 2009 - 05:58 PM

This happened to me a few days ago, there was a thunderstorm around my apartment and I lost the internet signal, after a few hours without service I call my ISP (Internet Service Provider) and explained the situation to the guy on the phone, he made me go throught a lot of step, plugging, unplugging cable, reseting the moden and all that kind of stuff and I knew I had an outside problem but the guy insisted in making me go following his direction step by step after several minutes loosing time in this situation he told me "I see here there is an avery in your area it make take up to 48 hours for us to fix it" so there was nothing wrong with my equipment and I still don't know why he made me loose all that time.

The next morning the internet was working again, it was sunday so I headed to church and I came back I when to check the news at Totalf1.com and when clicked one of the news the internet went out again, I thought it was the same problem so I didn't try to fix it but I waited for the 48 hours to be completed to call back to my ISP, this time was a girl who answered the phone.

She started the same way as the guy before but his time I was going to show these people that I know what I was doing, I interrupted her and told her about the avery in the area, she told me that is was fixed and my internet should be working, she asked me about the modem, I told I know the moden and it is ok, then she asked me about the router and that she was seeing that I have a very strong signal and I told her that they have a problem because my moden just have two light blinking instead of four that normally has, and she ketp saying that everything was ok on her end so there problem was mine, once again I was plugging/umplugging cables, I just wanted my internet to work, she told you can not start the router until the modem is up and running so I unplugged the modem from the power and did the same with the router and I followed her direction just to show her how wrong she was, we spend more than 30 minutes restarting the computer several time and I was getting angry with all this, then she asked me about my modem adn she told me it was a Thompson but my modem is not a Thompson, I knew they had a problem and they were making loose all that time with all those cables I told her my modem is not that one she just said and gave her the brand of my modem and she told me "it is the same" oh yes, at that moment I wanted to find someone to fight, I was running out of patience and she asked my about a light that my modem doesn't have, I was so sure that she didn't know what she was doing that I took my modem in my hands and described to her all light and buttons in my modem, the last one of them was the Internet On/Off button and when I told her about that button she told me in that particular way of speaking that confident women have "and why you don't press that button?" I did so adn my internet was working again, inmediatelly all four lights came to life, I made silent for a long time trying to find what to say while I was just listening to the background noises in the phone, I thought of hanging up the phone but I was defeated and I wanted to get ou the best possible way but there was way of doing that, I just asked if everything would be working normally after I finished connecting all the cables again, I know that was stupid but I couldn't find anything better to say, the only thing I could say was what I wanted to hear from her but at that moment I didn't feel in the mood for that.
Posted Image

Kimi Raikkonen: It is the same thing that I said before. I have no interest in driving for a bad team next year. If I race here, I always try to finish as high as I can. I don't need anything to motivate me. If I drive, I drive to do my best and that is it.
jemstride:
"I get the feeling that Alonso fans tend to heap over-praise on Alonso and bring down Kimi whenever they can, with mere theories and unjustified statements."
I just always end up disagreeing with you guys because of all the huge exaggerations, myths, theories & unjustified statements

Lewis Hamilton:
I never go with expectations, I go with a target. That is to be at the front, and the ultimate aim to win, which is the mentality I have always gone racing with.
You've got to be on the limit all the time - and I love that, because that's how I love to race.

#323 Argento Reloaded

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Posted 21 November 2009 - 06:18 PM

No matter the way they takes, girls always win!


"Fashion dates but Logic is Timeless" Alec Isigonis

#324 Schumikonen

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Posted 21 November 2009 - 07:25 PM

View PostArgento, on 21 November 2009 - 06:18 PM, said:

No matter the way they takes, girls always win!


oh no, not always, take a look at this one

Edited by Schumikonen, 21 November 2009 - 07:27 PM.

Posted Image

Kimi Raikkonen: It is the same thing that I said before. I have no interest in driving for a bad team next year. If I race here, I always try to finish as high as I can. I don't need anything to motivate me. If I drive, I drive to do my best and that is it.
jemstride:
"I get the feeling that Alonso fans tend to heap over-praise on Alonso and bring down Kimi whenever they can, with mere theories and unjustified statements."
I just always end up disagreeing with you guys because of all the huge exaggerations, myths, theories & unjustified statements

Lewis Hamilton:
I never go with expectations, I go with a target. That is to be at the front, and the ultimate aim to win, which is the mentality I have always gone racing with.
You've got to be on the limit all the time - and I love that, because that's how I love to race.

#325 LabradoRacer

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Posted 09 December 2009 - 08:08 PM

Found this on the net while searching for a hooligan who had knifed the famous Aussie ex-con Chopper. It's a gif image, so click on it for the full joke.

Edited by LabradoRacer, 09 December 2009 - 08:09 PM.


#326 Persevere

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Posted 13 December 2009 - 10:46 AM

This one appeals to my silly side.  Besides, deep down, we all admire our simian brothers... and their watering holes and penguin cars.




Posted Image P.




#327 LabradoRacer

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Posted 31 December 2009 - 07:06 PM

Funny email I got recently.

Edited by LabradoRacer, 31 December 2009 - 07:07 PM.


#328 Persevere

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Posted 01 January 2010 - 10:52 AM

View PostLabradoRacer, on 31 December 2009 - 07:06 PM, said:

Funny email I got recently.

:lol:   Very funny and does explain the reason for the lack of male columnists offering advice.
Posted Image P.




#329 AutoRacer5

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Posted 03 January 2010 - 08:17 PM

Muhammad heard one of his wives was leaving him, so he rushed home where he found her on the carpet in front of the tent with her belongings; he sat beside her and said, “I heard you were planning to leave me?”

She replied, “Yes, I heard your other wives saying you were a pedophile!”

Muhammad thinks for a minute or so and then responds, “that's a mighty big word for a 6 year old."
Posted Image
Posted Image
Posted Image
Nobody bitched when McLaren and Williams dominated F1...

www.f1weekly.com

AutoRacer5 vs. Ecapdeville on Fight Night Round 3:
6-1

AutoRacer5 vs. Ecapdeville on Forza Motorsport:
4-4

View PostUrKo, on Sep 10 2006, 4:06 PM, said:

....parabolica is in S2.....


My blog: http://openwheelrants.vox.com/

#330 dribbler

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Posted 04 January 2010 - 07:42 AM

http://www.shutupwom...tonmyhorse.com/
Listening to    MSTRKRFT - Fist of God

Posted Image
Music connects people through the unspoken appreciation of something that sounds right. Something that taps into the deepest corners of your soul, making you feel alive. When someone else gets it too and you know they do, it feels beautiful.

"To be brutal and honest I don't have a thin skin and others who whine over every little thing will not curry favour. I'm just going to try to keep this place fun, as it has been for all of these years." Pumpdoc, 8th Decemeber 2010.




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