Really Bad Joke Thread

[mikathegreat2 2]

Anyone have any really bad jokes to share with us?? Here's an oldie: a man walks into a bar & goes ouch!

[The Rumble Strip 0]

I don't know any jokes.

That's really bad.

[Oli 1]

What's brown and taps at the window?

A poo on stilts.

[Jean Todt 4]

From a Mustang Forum, real stuff!

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I'm done with this car!

My car was idling like crap the other day so I figured since I just got it, it may have been awhile since anyone changed the oil out. I decided to go ahead and change the oil. I used Mobile 1 synthentic oil like I was reccomended on here. Anyways, I drain out the oil and noticed it was extremely dark and even after 10 minutes of draining, it was still coming out. I decided to go ahead and flush it to make sure all the bad stuff got out. I hooked up the hose, ran water through the engine, started it up and was waiting for the water to come out clean (The engine never went above idle so I was told this would be ok). Anyways, About 3 minutes into this, then engine starts shaking and shuts off. I figured it was all cleaned out so I plugged it up, added the oil and figured I was ready to go. WRONG! The car won't freaking start now. This car has been nothing but trouble for me, I think I am done with it.

[elgo 1]

[Kopite Girl 0]

From a Mustang Forum, real stuff!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm done with this car!

My car was idling like crap the other day so I figured since I just got it, it may have been awhile since anyone changed the oil out. I decided to go ahead and change the oil. I used Mobile 1 synthentic oil like I was reccomended on here. Anyways, I drain out the oil and noticed it was extremely dark and even after 10 minutes of draining, it was still coming out. I decided to go ahead and flush it to make sure all the bad stuff got out. I hooked up the hose, ran water through the engine, started it up and was waiting for the water to come out clean (The engine never went above idle so I was told this would be ok). Anyways, About 3 minutes into this, then engine starts shaking and shuts off. I figured it was all cleaned out so I plugged it up, added the oil and figured I was ready to go. WRONG! The car won't freaking start now. This car has been nothing but trouble for me, I think I am done with it.

From Richard Hammond, Age 38.

[dribbler 6]

What's brown and taps at the window?

A poo on stilts.

From a Mustang Forum, real stuff!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm done with this car!

My car was idling like crap the other day so I figured since I just got it, it may have been awhile since anyone changed the oil out. I decided to go ahead and change the oil. I used Mobile 1 synthentic oil like I was reccomended on here. Anyways, I drain out the oil and noticed it was extremely dark and even after 10 minutes of draining, it was still coming out. I decided to go ahead and flush it to make sure all the bad stuff got out. I hooked up the hose, ran water through the engine, started it up and was waiting for the water to come out clean (The engine never went above idle so I was told this would be ok). Anyways, About 3 minutes into this, then engine starts shaking and shuts off. I figured it was all cleaned out so I plugged it up, added the oil and figured I was ready to go. WRONG! The car won't freaking start now. This car has been nothing but trouble for me, I think I am done with it.

Reminds me of the customer I had who complained that the car she had bought fromm us was smoking excessively. She had no concept of a dipstick and had filled it with oil until she saw it appear at the top of the filler neck. When she came to collect it I gave her nearly seven litres of oil back, in two containers. She now knows about dipsticks.

Anyway, went to the doctor the other day with sponge and jelly in my ears. Apparently I'm a trifle deaf. Surely that can't be beaten for crapness?

[Jean Todt 4]

Reminds me of the customer I had who complained that the car she had bought fromm us was smoking excessively. She had no concept of a dipstick and had filled it with oil until she saw it appear at the top of the filler neck. When she came to collect it I gave her nearly seven litres of oil back, in two containers. She now knows about dipsticks.

I remember a customer returining the watch he purchased after on week, complaining that the water had gone in despite it being water resistant, when our salesman asked him how he filled it up, he said he dived with it into a river and he was sad that it was his first ever watch!

Anyway, went to the doctor the other day with sponge and jelly in my ears. Apparently I'm a trifle deaf. Surely that can't be beaten for crapness?

And you went to a gyno for that?

[Jez 0]

What do you call an Italian whos toe is made of rubber?

Roberto.

[AutoRacer5 0]

Michael J Fox can never play Operation. Because of Parkinsons.

[Jez 0]

Michael J Fox can never play Operation. Because of Parkinsons.

Really bad joke thread indeed!

[HandyNZL 1]

My (ex) wifes faithfulness.

Not sure if thats a bad joke, but it sure was a ****ing joke.

[dribbler 6]

What do you call an Italian whos toe is made of rubber?

Roberto.

I thought a bigamist was an Italian thick fog, but then again I thought Eartha Kitt was gardening equipment.

[Grabthaw the Hammerslayer 4]

Ah, bad jokes I am on home territory here

OK a bad shaggy dog story:

Guy starts a new job as an assistant zoo keeper in a zoo. The Head keeper says "OK we'll start you off on simple things - take this bucket and go and feed the finches". So he heads off. Two hours later, he appears back to the Head Keeper and says "I'm really sorry, don't know what went wrong, but I appear to have killed all the finches....". The head keeper sighs and says "OK, easy mistake to make, tell you what - give the dead finches to the lions, because they will eat anything and afterwards take this bucket and go and feed the chimps". An hour later, the new keeper returns, looking a bit upset. "I'm so sorry.." he says "I appear to have killed all the chimps".

"Right" says the head keeper "give the dead chimps to the lions, because they will eat anything. One last chance, you can't get this wrong, go, take this bucket and feed the bees, you couldn't *possibly* kill them". New guy goes off, an hour later comes back looking distraught. "I don't know how I did it, but I have killed all the bees!".

"OK, I've had enough" says the Head Keeper "you're fired! but before you go, take the bees, put them in a liquidiser - as the stings can be a problem and feed them to the lions as they will eat anything".

Following week a new lion comes into the zoo, wanders over the one of the existing lions and says "so, nice place - what's the food like in here?"

"Oh, not bad" replies the lion "Just last week we had finch, chimps and mushy bees....."

[Rainmaster 7]

Meani, I'm afraid that joke is far too good for this thread

[mikathegreat2 2]

Keep it on topic, these jokes seem funny to other members!

[Jean Todt 4]

Keep it on topic, these jokes seem funny to other members!

You still havn't introduced your father's fiancee to this forum!

[Schumikonen 2]

From a Mustang Forum, real stuff!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm done with this car!

My car was idling like crap the other day so I figured since I just got it, it may have been awhile since anyone changed the oil out. I decided to go ahead and change the oil. I used Mobile 1 synthentic oil like I was reccomended on here. Anyways, I drain out the oil and noticed it was extremely dark and even after 10 minutes of draining, it was still coming out. I decided to go ahead and flush it to make sure all the bad stuff got out. I hooked up the hose, ran water through the engine, started it up and was waiting for the water to come out clean (The engine never went above idle so I was told this would be ok). Anyways, About 3 minutes into this, then engine starts shaking and shuts off. I figured it was all cleaned out so I plugged it up, added the oil and figured I was ready to go. WRONG! The car won't freaking start now. This car has been nothing but trouble for me, I think I am done with it.

This is nothing to laugh about but is funny anyway, I would never put water into my engine car even if someone told me to, that reminds me a time when a friend asked me about a dog she has with some kind of stomachache, I told her take the dog to eat some weed that will help him to through out and the dog will feel better and she told me "How i am going to take a dog that sleep in my bed to eat weeds?" and I told her "Them give some elixir (that how we call the green medicine for pain in the belly) to the dog" I told her this as a joke because she was treating the dog as a person (that is not normal in my country) but she didn't get the joke ans she gave elixir to the dog and the dog died, I don't know if the dog died becasue of the medicine or because the problem it had before but she still says that I kill the dog, so based on that experience I don't trust everything that looks like an advise adn I didn't kill the dog.

[Jez 0]

I thought a bigamist was an Italian thick fog, but then again I thought Eartha Kitt was gardening equipment.

very good, very good.

[Jez 0]

Ah, bad jokes I am on home territory here

OK a bad shaggy dog story:

Guy starts a new job as an assistant zoo keeper in a zoo. The Head keeper says "OK we'll start you off on simple things - take this bucket and go and feed the finches". So he heads off. Two hours later, he appears back to the Head Keeper and says "I'm really sorry, don't know what went wrong, but I appear to have killed all the finches....". The head keeper sighs and says "OK, easy mistake to make, tell you what - give the dead finches to the lions, because they will eat anything and afterwards take this bucket and go and feed the chimps". An hour later, the new keeper returns, looking a bit upset. "I'm so sorry.." he says "I appear to have killed all the chimps".

"Right" says the head keeper "give the dead chimps to the lions, because they will eat anything. One last chance, you can't get this wrong, go, take this bucket and feed the bees, you couldn't *possibly* kill them". New guy goes off, an hour later comes back looking distraught. "I don't know how I did it, but I have killed all the bees!".

"OK, I've had enough" says the Head Keeper "you're fired! but before you go, take the bees, put them in a liquidiser - as the stings can be a problem and feed them to the lions as they will eat anything".

Following week a new lion comes into the zoo, wanders over the one of the existing lions and says "so, nice place - what's the food like in here?"

"Oh, not bad" replies the lion "Just last week we had finch, chimps and mushy bees....."

Reminds me of this one from my youth.

So there's three Irish mates all standing on a high bridge in a national park looking down at the rocky floor. They're in awe of the dizzying heights. The first one climbs up onto the rail with a budgy on his shoulder, and jumps. His two mates watch as he falls for what seems like an age until splat! He hits the ground. Both him and his budgy are squished to smithereens. The second Irishman climbs up onto the rail. He has a parrot on his shoulder and a gun in the other hand. He leaps off. Half way through plummeting to his death, he shoots the parrot to bits with his gun. A moment later, splat! He is squished to smitherens next to his mate on the rocky floor. The third Irishman looks down at his two dead comrades, goes to climb up onto the rail, then decides against it thinking to himself "I don't think this budgy jumping and parrot shooting's for me.."

[Jean Todt 4]

I thought a bigamist was an Italian thick fog, but then again I thought Eartha Kitt was gardening equipment.

Steve, this doens't belong to this thread!

[mikathegreat2 2]

You still havn't introduced your father's fiancee to this forum!

Oh p1ss off !

[The Rumble Strip 0]

Here's one in stages.

Knock Knock

[Medilloni 6]

Here's one in stages.

Knock Knock

Who's

[HandyNZL 1]

there?