Awaken The Poet Inside You

[Medilloni 6]

I get the feeling that geographically we are not far away. A beer would be splendid. Especially if you're buying!

I'm guessing you're Midlands-ish, I'm Northwest. However, if it was the soapy wank that got you excited, I might pass on that one

Joking apart, it would be a pleasure Drib.

I think it's high time a few TF1er's got together though - can't take that much organising can it? Really? An event once a year? Could be a larf, and well worth a thread/PM's or whatever to arrange............

[Max Mosley 2]

Oh I'm often in Chester..... you're not another Scouser are you?

[Medilloni 6]

Oh I'm often in Chester..... you're not another Scouser are you?

No Murray, further north - Lancaster.

[pabloh20 1]

Oh I'm often in Chester..... you're not another Scouser are you?

Oh for crying out loud, those scousers are not breeding now are they? That would be a disaster.

[dribbler 6]

Monza Gorilla and I met up a while back and i'm sure Bruce and Mike have met too. Didn't Katy meet someone, i seem to remember?

Anyway, yes we should organise a meet up. I guess the logical thing to do would be to start a thread about it where anyone interested can post their approximate location so that we could centralise a venue.

I am a member of a motorcycle forum and have met up with many from there, it works well. Being blunt though, we are all within 20 years of one another by virtue of the interest that joins us. Here, we could end up having to find a venue that has high chairs, kid size food portions and a ball pool (and that's just for Paul).

[pabloh20 1]

Monza Gorilla and I met up a while back and i'm sure Bruce and Mike have met too. Didn't Katy meet someone, i seem to remember?

Anyway, yes we should organise a meet up. I guess the logical thing to do would be to start a thread about it where anyone interested can post their approximate location so that we could centralise a venue.

I am a member of a motorcycle forum and have met up with many from there, it works well. Being blunt though, we are all within 20 years of one another by virtue of the interest that joins us. Here, we could end up having to find a venue that has high chairs, kid size food portions and a ball pool (and that's just for Paul).

High chairs - check. If you're an adult taking one of those, it doesn't look like your nicking it.

Ball pool - check. Who wouldn't want to play in one?

Kid size food portions - come now, did you get carried away there?

[Grabthaw the Hammerslayer 4]

High chairs - check. If you're an adult taking one of those, it doesn't look like your nicking it.

Ball pool - check. Who wouldn't want to play in one?

Kid size food portions - come now, did you get carried away there?

I don't mind chopping up your sausage and beans into bite-sized chunks but I refuse to feed it to you until you've finished your Fruit Shoot

[pabloh20 1]

I don't mind chopping up your sausage and beans into bite-sized chunks but I refuse to feed it to you until you've finished your Fruit Shoot

Well...............you can take that stance and try to come between me and food...............however, it's not really recommended

[Medilloni 6]

Did we really need to bring

Pabloh's sausage into this?

Too many people taking the p**s.

We talk about meeting up?

We'd fall out over what we sup

Murray shouting, "fight, fight"

So maybe we could just write?

I'll send my letter from Paris,

An invitation to one 'n all, even the twit*

Yes, a proper French letter...............

Edit: And then a fit of guilt for what came next made me edit it out

[LabradoRacer 2]

I saw a very very sexy tart

On her a## I chucked a pointy dart

She let out a yelp

And cried for help

She followed it up with a fart.

[dribbler 6]

I saw a very very sexy tart

On her a## I chucked a pointy dart

She let out a yelp

And cried for help

She followed it up with a fart.

How strange. That actually happened to me. Well, that's not true actually; the girl followed through and sh!t herself.

[LabradoRacer 2]

Wish the makers of "Sweeney Todd- the demon barber of Fleet street" had thrown a few crumbs at me. I'd have been only too glad to do the needful.

[LabradoRacer 2]

A babe named Daisy

She got very tipsy

Got into a car very flimsy

Drove in a manner clumsy...

Now they're conducting her autopsy

[Jean Todt 4]

A babe named Daisy

She got very tipsy

Got into a car very flimsy

Drove in a manner clumsy...

Now they're conducting her autopsy

[Minchia! 0]

There once was this kid in my class

whos bollox were made out of brass.

When there was bad weather,

he knocked'em together...

and lightning shot out of his a$$!

[Eric 0]

Bunnies are fun,

Warm is the sun,

I am done.

I actually have some pretty good poems I wrote a long time ago for school, but they met their fate in a bonfire after I graduated, so it'd be hard to type them up and post 'em...

[LabradoRacer 2]

There once was this kid in my class

whos bollox were made out of brass.

When there was bad weather,

he knocked'em together...

and lightning shot out of his a$$!

So funny that it's illegal!

Bunnies are fun,

Warm is the sun,

I am done.

I actually have some pretty good poems I wrote a long time ago for school, but they met their fate in a bonfire after I graduated, so it'd be hard to type them up and post 'em...

Hold your head & jog a bit. This process is called jogging the memory. Should help.

[Minchia! 0]

Wrote this one in the 8th grade:

There once was a man from Taipei

that forgot to glue on his toupee

an unfortunate breeze

blew it up to the trees

where a bald eagle found it

Hooray!

[Max Mosley 2]

I enjoy this thread so much it's time to revive it. And poetry has been in the news recently in the UK thanks to several schools banning a controversial poem. The poem is about how a lack of education leads to crime and wasted lives, but it makes reference to knife crime, which has also been a national concern of late. The schools protested and the exam boards here have now removed the poem from the syllabus.

Carol Ann Duffy, the poet behind the controversial rhymes from the 1980s, has responded with a funny poem mocking the schools, and the examiner who originally complained, Mrs Schofield. It's written as a modern version of the sonnets Shakespeare used to write. So: first the 'offensive' poem from the 1980s, and then her response to her critics.

Education for Leisure

Today I am going to kill something. Anything.

I have had enough of being ignored and today

I am going to play God. It is an ordinary day,

a sort of grey with boredom stirring in the streets

I squash a fly against the window with my thumb.

We did that at school. Shakespeare. It was in

another language and now the fly is in another language.

I breathe out talent on the glass to write my name.

I am a genius. I could be anything at all, with half

the chance. But today I am going to change the world.

Something's world. The cat avoids me. The cat

knows I am a genius, and has hidden itself.

I pour the goldfish down the bog. I pull the chain.

I see that it is good. The budgie is panicking.

Once a fortnight, I walk the two miles into town

For signing on. They don't appreciate my autograph.

There is nothing left to kill. I dial the radio

and tell the man he's talking to a superstar.

He cuts me off. I get our bread-knife and go out.

The pavements glitter suddenly. I touch your arm.

Mrs Schofield's GCSE

You must prepare your bosom for his knife,

said Portia to Antonio in which

of Shakespeare's Comedies? Who killed his wife,

insane with jealousy? And which Scots witch

knew Something wicked this way comes? Who said

Is this a dagger which I see? Which Tragedy?

Whose blade was drawn which led to Tybalt's death?

To whom did dying Caesar say Et tu? And why?

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark - do you

know what this means? Explain how poetry

pursues the human like the smitten moon

above the weeping, laughing earth; how we

make prayers of it. Nothing will come of nothing:

speak again. Said by which King? You may begin.

[Medilloni 6]

Skin and bone, when pierced with a bullet,

or a knife,

can seperate you.

From the rest of your life.

I found this out,

(not as a boy scout),

but the grown up version.

A uniform, a weapon

and internal prison.

How can I kill?

How can I maim?

By being trained of course!

With a damn good aim.

Now what did my Gran say

when I got back?

Oh yeah, "Every boy has a Mother"

something or other, it didn't matter,

I forgot that, you know,

the bit about the boy.

I never thought what it meant.

Now I do though, now that I'm back,

and in between the spit and beatings

from the public we 'served',

I see her, in her shawl, in black.

Now I'm with the Mother of my son,

watching and laughing and playing and living and

when it's night and quiet, I think,

Dear God, what have I done?

[LabradoRacer 2]

Walking as a miserable prick,

I saw this curvy chick,

She gave her head a flick,

I asked her for a trick,

She gave my d#ck a nice lick.

[Kay 0]

Oh the memories! Haven't written for such a long time I'm too rusty for poetry!

[Kay 0]

Okay after reading this I couldn't refuse.

Punishing a God.

"Sir, please sir, I have done no wrong,

I did not cut the track for long

To punish me would be unjust

You'll find me innocent, I trust.

"Son, you give me no choice but to

With the evidence I accrue,

Your actions breached the mighty code,

By not staying on that darned road."

"Sir, you'll upset the balding one,

Now that a Fe-rrar-i has won

I beg you to review the mess

And not sanction this noblesse

[elgo 1]

Okay after reading this I couldn't refuse.

Punishing a God.

"Sir, please sir, I have done no wrong,

I did not cut the track for long

To punish me would be unjust

You'll find me innocent, I trust.

"Son, you give me no choice but to

With the evidence I accrue,

Your actions breached the mighty code,

By not staying on that darned road."

"Sir, you'll upset the balding one,

Now that a Fe-rrar-i has won

I beg you to review the mess

And not sanction this noblesse

[Rainmaster 7]

I enjoy this thread so much it's time to revive it. And poetry has been in the news recently in the UK thanks to several schools banning a controversial poem. The poem is about how a lack of education leads to crime and wasted lives, but it makes reference to knife crime, which has also been a national concern of late. The schools protested and the exam boards here have now removed the poem from the syllabus.

Carol Ann Duffy, the poet behind the controversial rhymes from the 1980s, has responded with a funny poem mocking the schools, and the examiner who originally complained, Mrs Schofield. It's written as a modern version of the sonnets Shakespeare used to write. So: first the 'offensive' poem from the 1980s, and then her response to her critics.

Education for Leisure, I think that's an excellent poem. Quite silly for it to be banned especially when it seems to be defending education

Okay after reading this I couldn't refuse.

Punishing a God.

"Sir, please sir, I have done no wrong,

I did not cut the track for long

To punish me would be unjust

You'll find me innocent, I trust.

"Son, you give me no choice but to

With the evidence I accrue,

Your actions breached the mighty code,

By not staying on that darned road."

"Sir, you'll upset the balding one,

Now that a Fe-rrar-i has won

I beg you to review the mess

And not sanction this noblesse

Rather good!